80 Funny Gun Jokes Aiming for Laughs Without Misfires

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Jessica Amlee


Guns, a subject of extensive debate and varying perspectives, have a long history intertwined with both global conflicts and personal protection. Their evolution from the rudimentary muskets of the past to the sleek, high-tech firearms of today showcases a journey of technological advancement and complex craftsmanship. In many cultures, guns are not just tools but symbols of power, freedom, or safety, deeply embedded in societal fabric. This intricate relationship with firearms is often mirrored in media, literature, and the collective consciousness, where they are sometimes revered, sometimes feared, but always a topic of significant interest.

Shifting gears to gun jokes, the humor here often targets the lighter aspects of gun ownership and use. The topics might playfully jest about the never-ending quest for the perfect holster that seems as elusive as a mirage or the friendly rivalries at the shooting range where bragging rights are won and lost by millimeters. There’s potential comedy in the exaggerated tales of ‘the one that got away’ during hunting trips or the humorous mishaps of assembling gun parts only to end up with a mysterious spare screw. It’s a realm where the puns are carefully aimed at poking fun at the trait of gun enthusiasts, from their passionate debates over calibers to the way some might treat their firearm like a treasured family heirloom. In this light-hearted banter, the intent is always to keep the tone as safe and respectful as the handling of the guns themselves.

Best Gun Jokes

Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank,
Give a man a bank and he’ll rob the world.

Did you hear about the man who claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer?
A lot of others were not impressed. They’ve had a Canon printer for years.

Yo mama so dumb, she brought a gun to Target.

An octopus slinks into a dark room with a gun in each arm.
He hears a soft chuckle coming from the corner. “You’re one short, my friend,” says the cat as he steps into view.

Most people buy their guns from a guy called T-Rex.
He’s a small arms dealer.

Isn’t weird about the people who commit violent crimes with guns?
At least become a cop first so you get paid.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a gun?
A gun has only one trigger.

What do gum and a gun have in common?
Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you’ve been best friends since kindergarten.

What do you call a fake gun?
A JK-47.

What is the worst thing you can say when someone points a gun at you?
“Oh, Shoot!”

What do you call babies with guns?

You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. “Terry?!” you say laughing, “Terry’s a girl’s name!” Without any hesitation, Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead.
last post 3 months
You have died of dissin’ Terry.

What do you call a gun that shoots salt?
A-salt rifle.

Most gun duels in the Old West could have been prevented.
If only the city planners had made towns big enough for everyone.

Why do Americans take a gun while they go fishing?
Cause groups of fish are called schools.

Recommended: School Shooting Jokes

What are the top 10 reasons a gun is better than a woman?
10) You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
9) You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you’re on the road.
8) If you admire a friend’s gun, and tell him so, he’ll let you try it out a few times.
7) Your primary gun doesn’t mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
6) Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
5) A gun doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.
4) Guns function normally every day of the month.
3) A gun doesn’t ask, “Do these new grips make me look fat?”
2) A gun doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman is that you can buy a silencer for the gun.

Why are French guns the best to buy?
They’ve never been fired, and only dropped once.

What is a chef’s favorite gun?

What do you call a gun-loving, Christian rock band?
Guns N’ Moses.

What do you call a gun with three barrels?
A trifle.

A little old lady gets pulled over for speeding.
The officer walks up to the car and after a quick greeting takes the documentation she has ready for him. He notices a license to conceal carry a pistol and he asks, “Ma’am do you have a firearm in the vehicle?” She replies, “Well yes sir, I do.” The officer smiled a little as this lady was no more than 5’ tall and 90 lbs. and had to be 90 years old. “Ma’am, may I ask what type of firearm you have?” “Well yes sir,” she replies, “I’ve got a 9mm in my purse, and I keep a .45 in the center console here, and I’ve also got a magnum in the glove compartment.” The officer is taken back a little, “Is that it?” He asks half kidding. “Well no, I do have a pistol grip shotgun in the trunk as well.” The officer is really raising his eyebrows at this point, and he asks, “Ma’am, what are you afraid of?”
The little old lady replies, “Not a f*cking thing.”

Stormtrooper: Am I aiming my gun correctly?
Yoda: Off course you are.

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull them out in class suddenly everyone wants to be your friend.

Why do Americans shake hands as a greeting?
To show they’re only holding one gun.

What sound does a chocolate gun make?

What do you call a man holding a machine gun?

Two IT techs are at the local gun range.
After about 10 minutes of practice, one of the techs isn’t able to hit the target. The other looks at him and says “What is your problem?”
The embarrassed IT tech puts his head down and says, “Troubleshooting.”

How do you kill a blue elephant? You shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?
You hold its trunk until it turns blue. Then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
“Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.
The good news is that you are going to be OK.
The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”
“What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter.
“The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”
“Well, I guess that isn’t too bad,” the hunter replied.
“Is your sister a plastic surgeon?”
“Not exactly…..” answered the doctor. “She’s a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.

Why are Americans so stupid?
Because they gun down the ones who go to school.

Why did people fall asleep watching gun barrels being made?
Because it was boring.

A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.
Police are now looking for a man and say there’s a price on his head.

A man shows up to a gunfight with nothing more than a pencil and a piece of paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

If Tesla made a gun, what would it be called?
Elon Musk-et.

Man: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never breaks. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a gun and shot the Lion, then it died!
Man: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient, please.

What do you call a British man with no arms and a gun?

Why would the gun go to the eye doctor?
It had glock-oma.

What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?

A man was filling up gas in his car when he got some on his jacket.
Then he went in the car lit a cigarette and set his sleeve on fire. The man, freaking out, gets out of the car and sees a policeman sitting nearby. So he starts waving at him and yelling at him for help, and the cop gets up in a hurry and without a second delay shoots him.
The man, now on the ground in excruciating pain asks why he shot him the cop says, “What was I supposed to do? You were waving a firearm!”

A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeled gun,
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.

A woman walks into a gun store.
“It’s for my husband,” she tells the owner. “Did he tell you what caliber to get?” the owner asked.
“Are you kidding, he doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him!”

What’s a pirate’s favorite gun?
An ARRR-15!

What does Reese Witherspoon call her gun collection?
Reese’s Pieces.

What do you call an angry firearm?
A pissed-tol.

Why do you pee your pants when someone points a gun at you?
Because urine danger.

A man walks into a gun shop.
“I want to buy a new scope and bullets for my rifle”
“Sure,” said the owner handing over a scope, “If you look out the window, this scope is so powerful you can see into my house”
The man looks, then turns to the shopkeeper and says, “Sorry mate there is a man in there and a woman who I can only assume is your wife?”
“Cheating, bitch!” the shopkeeper said, putting two bullets on the counter he said, “Shoot that guy prick off and you can have the scope for free, shoot that bitches’ head off, and I’ll give you free bullets for the rest of your life!”
The guy looks through the scope again and says, “What do I get if I only use one shot?”

What does the marxman put in his gun?

Why does Lex Luthor carry around a gun & a spoon wherever he goes?
In case he ever meets soup or man.

Why did the cannibal go to the gun shop?
He heard they dealt in arms.

What kind of dog has a gun and shoots people?
A terrierist.

What do you call an anti-gun advocate working at a movie rental store

A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!”
The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”

What type of gun can you make out of plants?
A rye-fle.

What do you call peanuts with guns?
Packing Peanuts.

How do you survive a grizzly bear attack with only a .22 pistol?
Shoot your hiking partner in the leg.

What do you call a Japanese military dictator with an open-carry license?
A show gun!

A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet each other at a dance party
They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
“I can’t be with you because I M24 and you AR15!”

What’s a Canadian’s favorite gun?
The Eh Eh 12.

Did you hear about the man who was shot by a starting gun?
They believe it was race related.

What do you call a gun that doesn’t kill?
A vegun.

What happens when you give the sun a gun?
It becomes a shooting star.

An Italian father wants to give his son a gun for his 18th birthday.
“As is tradition in Italy, I’m going to give you a gun for your 18th birthday.” The father says.
“But I don’t want a gun. What about a nice watch? I would really like a watch, like a Rolex or something.” The son replies.
“Son…” The father sighs, “This is an Italian tradition. You’re going to get a gun for your birthday.”
“I really don’t want a gun, I want a nice watch.” The son says.
“Listen.” The father says is a more serious tone, “You’re going to get older, and you’re going to marry a beautiful woman. One day you come home, walk into the living room and she isn’t there. You go into the kitchen and she isn’t there. Then you walk upstairs, to the bedroom, and you’re going to find your wife sleeping with your best friend. What are you going to do?? Point at your watch and say ‘Times up?!'”

What sound does a gun make in church?
Pew pew pew.

What did the cowboy artist like to do?
Draw his gun.

What do you call a rodent with a machine gun?
A ratatatatata.

How do you measure the firing frequency of a gun?
In hurts.

What kinds of guns can rabbits use?
Any kind, as long as the gun has a hare trigger.

A guy walks into a bar with a gun.
He snarls, “Who had sex with my wife!”
Another one in the back replies, “You don’t have enough bullets!”

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What is Jesus’s least favorite type of gun?
A nail gun.

What do get when someone shoots you in the nipple with a pellet gun?
A boobie bb booboo.

What is a lesbian’s favorite kind of gun?
A Revulva.

How do you turn a pussy into an asshole?
Give it a badge and a gun.

What’s the difference between a gun and a penis?
A child doesn’t cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?
Special Forces.

Did you know that when you shoot different guns the smoke smells different?
For example, a pistol won’t have a strong smell since it’s tiny. An Assault rifle would smell like a lot of gunpowder for how fast the bullets come out. And apparently, shotguns smell like teen spirit.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to pull off a school shooting with a nerf gun.

What do you call 1000 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.

Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy?
Because schools are closed.

Do you have a funny gun joke? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

3 thoughts on “80 Funny Gun Jokes Aiming for Laughs Without Misfires”

  1. My girlfriend asked why I carry a gun around the house?
    I looked her dead in the eye and said, “The motherf*cking decepticons”. She laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster, it was a good time.


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