75 Funny Terrorist Jokes That Are Utter Bombshells

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Jessica Amlee


The term “terrorist” conjures up serious and often frightening images for many. By definition, a terrorist is an individual or member of an organization that uses violence or the threat of violence, often against civilians, to achieve a political, religious, or ideological aim. The impact of their actions on societies around the world has been profound, leading to significant changes in security protocols, international relations, and public perceptions. The gravity of the issue makes it a sensitive subject, requiring careful handling and deep respect for those affected.

Treading into the world of humor, it’s essential to approach such topics with an immense degree of sensitivity. While comedy has historically been a tool to address and cope with serious matters, “clean terrorist jokes” can be a minefield due to the potential to offend or trivialize serious and traumatic experiences.

Dark Terrorist Jokes

Why shouldn’t you die a virgin?
Seriously, there are terrorists waiting for you.

What do you call a terrorist’s girlfriend?
A Guantanamo Bae.

What’s a terrorist’s favorite drink?
A Molotov cocktail.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
A terrorist.
You’re just white, male, and troubled, silly. Run along now.

Why do CSGO terrorists hate the desert?
Because they don’t want de dust 2 get in their eyes.

Yo mama so American, she thought Bomberman was a terrorist!

A terrorist is holding dad at gunpoint.
“Say your last words!”
“Your last words!”

What makes terrorist jokes funny?
The execution.

Did you hear about the terrorists who have hijacked a plane filled with politicians?
They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren’t met.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Allahu Akbar.
(Allahu AK-)

What is a terrorist’s favorite move in chess?

Why do terrorists use Nokia phones?
So they can reuse the phone after the explosion.

What do terrorists do on vacation?
They go waterboarding.

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack.
So, on every flight, he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. “The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low”, he reasoned, “and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.”

What do you call a plant that organized a terrorist attack?
A bush.

How is Dark humor like a terrorist attack?
The timing needs to be just right.

Recommended: Dark Jokes

Chuck Norris got ambushed by terrorists with a $5,000,000 ransom,
If the money wasn’t paid within 24 hours, the terrorists would be beheaded.

Where do terrorists go when they die?

How many terrorist jokes are out there?
You’ll have to c-4 yourself.

What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists?
Simplifying Radicals.

A terrorist walks into a store.
“How much for this bomb?” he asks.
“$500”, said the clerk.
“Will you take $450?” asks the terrorist.
“I’m sorry sir,” replies the clerk, “We don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

Where do midget terrorists live?

What do you call playful insults between terrorists?

What do you call a terrorist with eight legs?
An Iraqnid.

What does a terrorist photographer do?

What do people that m*sturbate on mount Everest and terrorists on a plane have in common?
They are all hijacking.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”
“Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations.”
“How much is everyone giving, on average?” the driver asks.
The man replies, “Roughly a gallon.”

What’s the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The terrorist blows for free.

Recommended: Prostitute Jokes

What do you call a monkey terrorist?
A Babooooom!

What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?
French press.

Why do terrorists make the worst comedians?
They always bomb.

What do you call a southern terrorist?

A plane gets hijacked by a couple of terrorists.
The head terrorist is in the cockpit with the pilot. He demands that the pilot takes them to a free country or else the entire plane will blow up.
The pilot retorts: ” This is an airliner, not a spaceship!”

What do you get when you cross a terrorist and a Hawaiian food truck?
Aloha snack bar!

What do you call a terrorist in the North Pole?
An ISISicle!

What’s a terrorist’s favorite drug?
Ice is.

There was gonna be new show based on the 9/11 terrorist attacks, but it got cancelled.
The pilot didn’t do so well.

Recommended: Funny 9/11 Jokes

What do you call a terrorist with one test*cle?
A uni-baller.

One day, terrorists attacked a village.
They took the men of the village as hostages. The head of the terrorists wanted to have some fun this time. He called the wives of the men to the camp of terrorists. He put bandages on women’s eyes and told men to lose their pants. The terrorist turned to the women and said “You are going to touch every penis one by one. If you find your husband, that couple will be saved. If you can’t find, wife and husband will die.”
After that, the first woman started to check penises one by one,
“Not this, not this, husbaand!”
She found right and both were spared. Then a second woman came,
“Not this, not this, not this, nope, husbaaand!”
She was also right, both were again spared. Third one,
“Not this, not this, not this,… , husbaand!” Again right. This situation continued to appear. As a result, one of the terrorists got bored and entered the queue. Next women came and started,
“Not this, not this, not this, not from the village, not this, not this, husbaand!”

Did you hear about the terrorist religion that hates addition?
The Tally Ban.

A terrorist tells the s*icide bomber they shouldn’t attack the Statue of Liberty because she’s “too easy” …
The bomber shrugs and replies “Eh, I’d still bang!”

Terrorists have been planting bombs in Alphabetti Spaghetti.
Experts say that if detonated, it could spell disaster.

A terrorist was caught poisoning the water supply with laxatives.
He said he did it for sh*ts and giggles.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

A terrorist had two cases at home.
He stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon, he waited until the doors were closed and shouted “Infidels!! now you will die!”
Fortunately, that was not the case.

What do you call an angry terrorist?
Amin Amood.

Why did the terrorist blow up the winery?
Because it was full of Zinfandels.

Did you hear about the Mexican terrorist who planted a bomb on the train?
He had loco motives.

What did the terrorist say to the twin babies?
“Here comes the airplane!”

A terrorist on a Suic*de mission.
While the other terrorists were wrapping him with all kinds of bombs they looked him in the eye and told him, “You’re going on a suic*de mission so don’t fail us.”
The terrorist replied, “I’m prepared to die!!” And so they sent him to the city and he goes to a school and he calls the base, “Should I do it here?!” And they replied, “No it’s not crowded enough go somewhere else.” And so he goes to a mall and again contacts the base, “Should I do it here?!” And they replied, “No it’s no crowded enough either go somewhere else.” And so he goes to a stadium on a match day and he contacts the base again and says, Should I do it here?!” And they replied, “Yes!!! It’s crowded enough!!! do it!!!
He pulls out a dagger and stabs him self.

What do you call an exiled terrorist?

What happened when the joke about terrorists got to the front page?
It blew up

What do you call the instrument panel on a terrorist’s car?
The Daesh board.

What would you call a friendly terrorist?

A reporter, a foodie, and a commando are captured by terrorists.
The terrorist leader tells them that they each get one request.
The reporter says, “Well I have been a proud reporter all my life. I would like to make a video and report the situation one last time before I die”
The Terrorist says, “OK” and allows him to make the report.
Then he asks the foodie what his request is.
The foodie says, “Well I love the local food so I would like to try the local meat stew one last time”
The terrorist allows him his request.
He then turns to the commando and says what his wish is.
The commando replies, “I want you to punch me in the face”
The terrorist says, “With pleasure!” and punches him in the face!
The very next second, the commando whips out his concealed weapon, shoots the terrorist leader dead, empties his magazine on other terrorists, grabs one of the slain terrorists’ AK47 and shoots dead 12 more, and beats up the last remaining terrorist with the stock of the rifle in a very brutal manner.
The reporter and the foodie say, “Sir, why didn’t you do that first?”
And the commando replies, “What? And have you two assholes report that I was the aggressor?!”

What did the terrorist say to the pilot with chapped lips?
“I have a balm!”

What do you call an infant Caucasian terrorist?
A vanilla Isis baby.

What do you call a group of terrorists in a pool?
A bath bomb!

Why didn’t the terrorist understand a pop culture reference?
Because he was living under iraq.

A terrorist struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer’s prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference,
“Abominable. Simply abominable.”

How many terrorists does it take to paint a house?
It depends on the force of the explosives.

What did the pilot say when he recognized the terrorist?
“Hi Jack.”

What do you call a terrorist with bad Wi-Fi?
Osama Bin Lagging.

Did you hear about the terrorist that missed the bus?
He hit it on his second try.

A racist man called another guy a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.
Later the guy saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.

Recommended: Racist Jokes

What do Chinese terrorists do at a frat party?
They bro it up!

Did you hear about the terrorist who was sent to blow up a car?
Well, he burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.

Have you heard of this terrorist group using wooden weapons?
They’re a splinter cell!

What do you call a terrorist with Parkinson’s?
Osama been noddin.

A suic*de bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah.
He said, “Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I’m only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won’t know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?”
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, “Actually, 72 virgins are here in heaven because bastards like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you’re here to service them. Since they’re virgins, they’re quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you’ll be on constant, exhausting duty.”
The bomber responded, “Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”
And Allah replied, “Who said they were women?”

What do you call an attractive lady terrorist?
A Ji-hottie.

Why did the terrorist’s wife leave him?
She didn’t know what jihad.

Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.

What do lonely terrorists have sex with?
Blow-up dolls.

Why did the terrorist cross the road?
Because of the force of the blast.

Do you have a funny Terrorist joke? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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