School, colleges, jobs and careers are an important part of most people’s lives. Along with providing a source of income, jobs help us fulfill our personal goals, build our networks and serve our communities. But learning and jobs can also be a major source of emotional stress. How? Well, it happens to most of us every Sunday night, our stress levels go up. Why? The answer is easy. Work and school start on Monday, and if you suffer from work or school-related stress, try to relax, you’re not alone. It’s a fact, that work is stressful and it starts quite early at an age when a child dreads school, which opens on Monday, every week. To relieve this stress, we have aggregated the funniest Monday Jokes for your to share with your friends and colleagues.
Our bodies create stress and anxiety when we start to worry too much about what might happen before it does. You can start out creating a reality that doesn’t exist yet. Well, what if I get a bad performance, what if I don’t finish this job on time or what if I get low grades? To handle it when you get home, your house needs to be a sanctuary and it needs to be a positive distraction. Work or school life should not bleed into our home lives, as it takes the enjoyment away from things that we love and can start affecting our health and eventually our sleep. So sit back and relax because these are the best jokes to start the week.
Funny Monday Jokes
What do you call someone who is pleased on a Monday?
Unemployed.
What is Avogadro’s favorite day of the week?
Moleday.
Why are Mondays and Tuesdays the most productive days of the week?
Because after that it is WTF.
What do you call Mondays when there aren’t any zoom meetings?
Meetless Mondays.
What’s long, hard, and waiting for you?
Monday and it’s just around the corner.
Why was Sunday afraid of Monday?
Because Monday through Friday.
How is Monday similar to a math problem?
Add the Irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problem, and divide the happiness.
Why you shouldn’t be more sad on Monday?
Because only 48 hours ago, it was a sadder day.
Why doesn’t Gordon Ramsay enjoy WWE on Monday nights?
Because it is RAW.
Why do people love Tuesdays?
Because it is the farthest one can get from Mondays.
Recommended: Tuesday Jokes
If HumorNama creates a day between Sunday and Monday, what would its name be?
Punday!
On a Monday morning, a man arrived at work with a black eye and a bandage on his head. When his coworkers questioned what had happened, he explained that he suffered a golf injury. They couldn’t believe such a thing could happen while playing golf.
“Well, I shot off the 5th tee and hooked it right into the rough, where the ball ended up in a pasture,” he stated. I was roaming about looking for a ball when I spotted a woman doing the same thing; apparently, she had also lost her ball.”
“I came across a cow in the pasture, and wouldn’t you know it, a golf ball was stuck exactly in its ass. I could see the brand, and since mine was a Titleist and this was a Pinnacle, I assumed the ball belonged to the lady.” So I took the cow’s tail and inquired of the lady, “Does this resemble yours? She then got her 3 wood and smacked me upside the head!”
What do you call a sundae that melts away and turns into garbage?
A Monday.
What’s worse than a rainy Friday?
A sunny Monday.
Why were Mondays created?
To punish us for the things we did over the weekend.
How much is one day on Venus?
It is 5,832 hours on Earth which is the same as a Monday on Earth.
Why was the corrupt calendar locked up at the start of the week?
It was Monday laundering.
On a Monday morning, James and Chris were by the water cooler.
Chris: What did you do this weekend, James?
James: Along with my wife, we spent the afternoon hiking around the lake.
Chris: Colorado River?
James: No, we just talked about it.
What makes a blonde laugh on a Monday?
Anything until and unless you tell the joke on Tuesday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Ahh, those were the days…!
Who wins in a fight among Sunday and Monday?
Sunday. Monday is a weekday.
Why did the skeleton perform poorly in school on Monday?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What happens when you hit someone on 11:59:59 pm on a Sunday?
You hit them into next week.
Yo mama so fat, she sat on Monday and cracked Sunday.
Recommended: Sunday Jokes
How do you avoid getting bit by a dog on Monday?
Kill it on Sunday.
On Monday morning, the teacher saw someone had scribbled the word “penis” in tiny characters on the blackboard.
She turned around, but she couldn’t find the guilty expression. She immediately wiped it and resumed her lesson.
On Tuesday, she was welcomed with “penis” written in larger letters on the blackboard. She glanced about in vain for the miscreant, then went on with the lesson for the day.
Every morning for the remainder of the week, the teacher angrily erased “penis” written in larger and larger letters on the board. She’d had enough by Friday.
“That’s it,” she grumbled. “This is unbelievable! I’m expecting an explanation for this behaviour on Monday morning!”
On Monday morning, the instructor entered the classroom with enthusiasm and discovered on the board: “Don’t you know — the more you rub it, the bigger it gets?”
On what day do whales do groans and grunts?
On moanday.
Why didn’t the werewolf go to school?
It was Moonday!
What was the most depressing part of the week?
Monday mournings!
When do Mondays come before Sunday?
In the dictionary.
Why did Odin say every Monday morning?
“Eye don’t want to get up.”
How does one break up with Monday?
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I am seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.”
How are the hens feeling on Monday?
Eggshausted!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Heymon.
(Heymon who?)
Heymonday is here already!
What is Johnny left with at the end of the year if he buys seventeen donuts every Monday and consumes twelve of them every Wednesday?
Diabetes.
Recommended: Wednesday Jokes
Yo mama so stupid, on a job application it said “sex” and she wrote Monday Wednesday and sometimes Friday.
What did Monday have to say to Friday?
“Between you and I, today is a good day to hump.”
What does The Rock refer to as the night his child was born?
Monday Night Raw.
Why was the broom late for work on Monday morning?
It over-swept!
On Monday mornings, what does the executioner say?
Time to beheaded to work.
Why did Selena Gomez break up with The Weeknd on a Monday?
She wished The Weeknd was longer.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Toothy.
(Toothy who?)
Toothy the day after Monday.
What happened to necromancers who broke school rules on Monday?
They got ex-spelled!
Which day of the week does TESLA choose to launch rockets?
Moonday!
How do you know Monday is a man?
It comes too quickly!
How is it possible that a man came to a town with his horse on a Saturday and stayed for one night before returning home on Monday?
The horse’s name was Monday!
What is the worst Monday one can have?
The next one.
What is scarier than Friday the 13th?
Monday the 13th.
Recommended: Friday The 13th Jokes
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Monday.
(Go Away!)
What is the most depressing sound you can hear on Monday?
Alarm clocks.
What is the most common Sunday request of schoolchildren?
A foot of snow by Monday.
A psychologist inquired about his client’s problems.
“I suppose I can see into the future, doc.”
“Into the future?” the doctor wondered. “When did this begin?”
“On next Monday.”
Why didn’t the tiger go to school on Monday?
It wasn’t feline well.
On Monday morning, what did the cashew say?
Monday always drives me nuts.
Why did the zombie didn’t go to school on Monday?
It was feeling rotten.
Why did Bumblebee didn’t to school on Monday?
It was a little rusty!
What is the bright side of Monday?
It happens only once a week!
Yo mama so fat, she trampled a guy to death on Cyber Monday.
What is the shortest horror story ever?
Monday!
Why is it that when the sun blacks out on a Monday afternoon it’s considered a “natural phenomenon” but when I do it’s considered a “problem.”
We hope the list we compiled on Monday Jokes for you to share with everyone you know has brought a smile back to your face. Mondays are lovely because we’re all in this together. We understand your anguish. The good news is that these hilarious puns and one-liners will come in handy.
Great jokes to start the week!