When we ask our colleagues what their favorite days of the week are, they usually respond with a Friday or Saturday. But when you realize it’s Tuesday, you get worried since the weekend is still a long way away.
If you only consider Tuesday, it is the second most frustrating day of the week, full of depressive thoughts about the long day at work. Thinking about the next routine causes the mood to become agitated. It exacerbates a typical worker’s depression.
Tuesday is often considered the “second Monday” of the workweek, so a joke can be a fun way to break up the monotony of the workweek and provide a little boost of energy to get through the rest of the week. That is why we have gathered the entire collection of hilarious Tuesday jokes and puns to make you grin. Scroll through for a dose of laughter or happiness or motivation, then share them with your friends and colleagues.
Best Tuesday Jokes
What is Tuesday?
A Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
What the heck is it with people who try to sound chipper at the beginning of the work week, including Tuesday?
Even the rest of the week says WTF to the beginning of the week.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Twos.
(Twos who?)
Twos-day is here, so let’s double the fun and laughter with some great jokes!
Why did the superhero look forward to Tuesdays?
Because it was the perfect day for saving the day: Tues-save-day!
Why do potatoes love Tuesdays?
Because it’s Tater-Tuesday!
On what day of the week, do monsters eat people?
Chewsday.
What do you call a Tuesday that acts like a Monday?
A two-faced day!
Why is Tuesday the most productive day of the week?
Because it’s far enough away from Monday to not be depressing, but close enough to feel like you’re getting things done.
Why did the calendar go to therapy?
Because it was stuck on Tuesday!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s only Tuesday!
Why is Sunday stronger than Tuesday?
Because Tuesday is a weekday.
Why do musicians have the best time on Tuesdays?
Because it’s Tune-sday!
Why do Brits pronounce Tuesday as Chooseday?
Because they drank the T.
What does a taxidermist do on Tuesdays?
Nothing special … just the usual stuff.
What comes after Taco Tuesday?
Taco toots day.
Why is there less air travel on Tuesdays?
Because you’re supposed Tuesday on the ground.
Friend: What day is today?
Other friend: Tuesday.
Friend: Woah, even Einstein can’t answer that.
Other friend: Why?
Friend: Because he’s dead.
Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicle who resigned on Tuesday?
He tried to resign on Monday but found he’d been standing in the wrong line.
Which days do you drink starting with “T?”
Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday.
What comes after Tuesday?
Threesday.
What’s the worst thing about Fridays?
Realizing it’s only Tuesday.
“Has your son made up his mind about what he wants to be when he grows up?” David enquired about a friend.
“He wants to be a garbage man,” he explained.
“At such a young age, that’s a unique aspiration.”
“Not at all. He believes garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays.”
Chris bought a second-hand Time Machine next Tuesday.
They don’t make them like they are going to anymore.
What’s a mathematician’s favorite day of the week?
Two-esday.
Son: Dad, you need to start working out.
Dad: I do work out almost every day, almost Monday, almost Tuesday …
So a man rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class he should take.
She said, “How flexible are you?”
He said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.”
Why are 1 and 3 jealous of 2?
Because it’s Tuesday.
Man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him that he thinks he can see into the future.
The doctor asks, “When did this start?”
The patient replies, “Next Tuesday.”
A girlfriend wanted to know today’s date.
Girlfriend: What’s the day today?
Boyfriend: Monday.
Girlfriend: The….?
Boyfriend: Day before Tuesday.
What does the calendar say after Monday and Tuesday?
WTF.
Why couldn’t Tuesday enjoy himself with his friends?
Because he’d never be able to see the weekend from there.
What is the best thing about Tuesday?
It is the farthest from Monday.
When should you wear flip-flop sandals?
On a Toesday!
During his first week on a pirate ship, a guy feels horny.
So he approaches the captain and inquires, “What do you guys use when you are horny?”
“There’s a barrel over there with a hole in it; we use that,” the captain says.
The guy says, “Wonderful, when can I use it?”
“You can use it any day of the week except Tuesday,” says the captain.
“Why not Tuesday?” says the guy.
“Because that’s your day in the barrel,” the captain grinned.
Why was the employee late twice a week?
Because it was only Tuesday.
Which day of the week would golfers want?
Tee-sday.
Why isn’t Tuesday the most depressing day of the week?
Because it’s a sadder day four days later.
On a Tuesday morning, what did the executioner say?
It’s time to beheaded to work.
If any middle school kids can correctly apply the term “definitely” in a phrase, the teacher will grant them a Tuesday leave.
So Sarah raises her hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”
The teacher informs her, “That is an excellent response! However, sometimes the sky turns pink or dark. Is there anyone else?”
Ted raises his hand after some silence. “The grass is definitely green,” he declares.
“Wow, that’s a good one!” The teacher declares. “However, when it gets dry or cold, the grass begins to die and turns yellow or brown.”
The class is at a loss at this point. While the students were racking their brains for an answer to get Tuesday off school, Billy speaks up.
“Can I ask you a question first, teacher?” “Yes,” replies the teacher.
“Do farts have lumps, Mrs. Teacher?”
She responds in the negative, surprised.
“Well, then,” Billy adds, “I definitely just shat my pants.” He stands up, gripping his buttocks.
“See you on Wednesday.”
Recommended: Wednesday Jokes
Why was the computer late to work on Tuesday?
It had a hard drive.
What is Tuesday if Wednesday is Hump Day?
Foreplay day.
Why can’t the children board a ferry on Tuesday to get to school?
Because they have Tuesday (to-use-da) roadway to reach the school.
Monday – Greg, Tuesday – Ian, Wednesday – Greg, Thursday – Ian, Friday – Greg, Saturday – Ian, Sunday – Greg
The Gregorian calendar.
A man enters a bar with a pork pie on his head.
“Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?” inquires the bartender.
The man responds, “It’s a family custom. On Tuesdays, we always wear pork pies on our heads.”
“But it’s Wednesday,” the bartender points out.
“Man, I must look like a big fool,” the man admits sheepishly.
What’s special about Tuesday?
It is the day to remember all things you didn’t finish on Monday and push them off till Wednesday.
What day of the week do Mexicans play D&D?
THAC0 Tuesday.
What would be Tuesday if every day were the members of a family?
Monday’s ugly sister.
Recommended: Monday Jokes
At the doctor’s office, three old guys are undergoing a memory test.
“What is three times three?” asks the doctor. “274, doc,” says the first man. “Tuesday, doc,” says the second man. “Nine, doc,” says the third man.
The doctor, pleased with the third man’s correct response, inquires, “Great! How did you calculate that?”
“Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday.” said the third man.
What is number two’s special day?
Tuesday (two’s day).
What happens when Taco Tuesday ends?
You enter Wet Wipe Wednesday.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Tuesday.
(Tuesday who?)
Tuesday morning – time to wake up!
What’s a pirate’s favorite day of the week?
Arrrrgh, it’s Tuesdays, matey!
You made it through Monday; hope you chuckled at our hilarious jokes on Tuesday!
Tuesday is the second worst day after Monday – are we correct? Take a second to inhale quickly and then exhale. You’ve got this.
What is similar between eggs and Tuesday? One can make a scrambled breakfast a& the other can scramble your week.