The clock strikes midnight, fireworks light up the sky, and 2025 rolls in with all its glittering promises. As we step into a year brimming with hope and resolutions we might keep for a week, there’s no better way to set the tone than with some New Year Dad Jokes. They’re the perfect mix of groan-worthy and chuckle-inducing, much like your uncle’s annual attempt at karaoke.
Now, let’s talk about why New Year Dad Jokes are essential. These groaners are the secret ingredient to lighten up those family gatherings and make even the grumpiest teens crack a smile. Sure, they might roll their eyes, but deep down, they love it. It’s the dad-joke charm! In 2025, let these funny puns be the glue that keeps the New Year’s laughter rolling.
Best New Year Dad Jokes
What happened to the thief who stole a 2024 calendar?
His days are numbered.
Did you know that in 3,025 years, life will either be fantastic or terrible?
It’s 5050.
Why was the math book sad at New Year 2025?
Because it had too many problems from the past year!
How do farmers celebrate New Year?
They turnip the beets!
What’s a New Year’s resolution you can actually keep?
To stop lying about your New Year’s resolutions!
Maybe this new year I could stop being such a pessimist.
But what’s the point, I already know I’m not going to do it.
Why do they call it New Year’s Eve?
Because it’s the eve of a new year, but if you call it “Old Year’s End,” it just sounds like you’ve given up!
People need to stop saying Happy New Year 2025.
It’s clearly not working.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year.
but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
What’s a tree’s New Year’s resolution?
To turn over a new leaf!
What did the camera wish for himself during the New Year?
A better resolution.
What’s a spider’s 2025 New Year’s resolution?
To spend less time on the web!
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My New Year’s resolution is to be less condescending to people.
That means to talk down to someone.
What’s a snowman’s New Year’s resolution?
To chill out more!
Why did the spoon come to the New Year party dressed as a knife?
The invitation said to look sharp.
How do you know it’s midnight on New Year’s Eve?
The clock hands it to you!
Why is it cheaper to throw a New Year party at a haunted house?
Because the ghosts bring all the boos!
What’s the best thing about New Year’s Eve?
The countdown because it’s the only time everyone agrees on something!
Where does Sir Lancelot go on the 31st of December night?
A knight club.
How does NASA organize the New Year event?
They planet.
Yo mama so fat, she’s already in 2025.
Do you know that some people have decided that from January 1st, they’re only going to watch things that are QHD and above?
It’s their new year’s resolution.
Did you hear that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions?
So it’s best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd.
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A drunk wakes up in jail on New Year’s Eve and asks the first police officer he sees, “Why am I here?” The cop replies, “For drinking.”
“Great!” slurs the man. “When do we start?”
My friend had an interview last year to be the person who starts the visual presentation of the new year’s celebration in Market Square.
He dropped the ball.
What does a house wear to a New Year’s Eve party?
Address.
Did you hear about the guy who was able to keep all of his New Year’s resolutions?
…tucked away in a journal on his bookshelf.
How many people does it take to have a New Year’s party?
Two and a fifth.
Did you hear about a man’s New Year’s Resolution to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off his bills, and learn a new language?
He doesn’t have a clue how he’s going to get all that done by next day.
Why did the skeleton go to the New Year party alone?
Because he had no body to go with.
How do you make the new year’s ball drop more entertaining?
Add another ball.
How do you lose 12 stones of unsightly fat for the new year?
Divorce her.
How does a pre-teen celebrate the new year?
The Ball Drop.
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Do you know most singles already have a date for New Year’s Eve?
December 31st.
What’s the best resolution for the new year?
4K.
What do Alcoholics call New Year’s Eve?
Amateur night!
What is Bill Nye’s real name?
William New Year’s Eve.
Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year’s Eve?
He wanted to start the year with sweet dream.
What do you call the last day of December instead of New Year’s Eve?
December 2nd, because it’s the last second of the year.
What do you call those awkward days between Christmas and New Year?
The Merryneum.
Did you hear about the astronauts who wanted to have a New Year’s party on the moon?
But they didn’t planet in time.
Instead of ‘Happy New Year,’ the husband said ‘good year’ to his wife.
He must be tired.
Why do people use fire during the new year?
Because fireworks.
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, why should one lift his/her left leg?
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.
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Why do most never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties?
It goes in one year and out the other.
Do you know what turtles do on New Year’s Eve?
They shellabrate!
Whatever you do, don’t start pooping on December 31st at 11:59.
The last thing we want is the same shit, different year!
I named my dog ‘Happy New Year.’
When I call him in every night, the neighbors think I’ve lost my mind.
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.
What’s Bill Nye’s favorite day?
New Years Eve.
What do you call the last day of December instead of New Year’s Eve?
December 2nd, because it’s the last second of the year.
What do New Year’s Eve parades and Santa Claus have in common?
No one is ever awake to see them.
I made a 2025 New Year’s resolution to stop procrastinating,
But I’m going to wait until next year to start.
Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year’s ball?
Because he couldn’t find a date!
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What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
Auld Fang Syne.
What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?
Social Security.
What is the difference between Youth and Middle age?
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
What should a basketball player never make as a New Year’s resolution?
To travel more.
Have you heard about the guy who began preparing breakfast at midnight on December 31?
He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
There was a count down.
Who is most thrilled about the New Year’s Eve countdown?
Calendar Publishers.
How does rain celebrate New Year 2025?
By making many pour decisions!
It was New Year’s eve.
The police caught two individuals. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve.
After some time, one was charged and the other was let off.
What became of the man who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
He got 12 months!
How can you define a New Year’s resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other.
What is the favorite holiday of a cow?
Moo Year’s Day!
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On January 1st, what does a ghost say?
Happy Boo Year!
What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
The New Year’s Eve clean-up crew.
On January 1st, 2025, what does a caterpillar do?
Turns over a new leaf.
What New Year’s resolution is guaranteed to be successful?
Making a resolution to break your resolution.
What do you say when bidding farewell on December 31st?
“See you next year!”
On New Year’s Eve, where can you find stand-up comedians?
Waiting on the punchline.
What do criminals pay on January 1st?
New Year’s restitution.
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of the New Year party?
Handshakes.
What food should you avoid on December 31st, 2024?
Firecrackers.
What did a ghoul say on December 31st?
“Happy New Fear!”
Do you have a dad joke on 2025? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
