50 Funny New Year Puns for a Hilarious Start to 2024

2024 has officially arrived, and it’s already shaping up to be a year where our resolutions might last as long as the leftovers from New Year’s Eve – barely into the first week! It’s the year when we all promise to hit the gym, only to find our enthusiasm running out faster than the battery on our new smartwatches.

But let’s not forget, this is also the year of the Tiger in the Chinese Zodiac, meaning we should all be roaring into the New Year with fierce determination… or at least, trying to roar through our Netflix marathons. It’s the perfect time for fresh starts, turning over new leaves, and making plans we might (or might not) keep. And speaking of new beginnings, what better way to kickstart the year than with a few chuckles? That’s right, it’s time to dive into the world of New Year puns, where laughter is the only resolution we’re sure to keep!

Now, onto the pun-derful world of New Year humor! It’s like everyone’s on a ‘roll’ with these jokes, except the rolls are probably still in the oven from last year’s resolutions to learn baking. And remember, if someone tells you a bad New Year’s joke, just reply, “I’m sorry, your joke has expired – it’s way past its ‘year-by’ date!” Whether it’s making light of those resolutions we might never keep or joking about the quirks of transitioning to a new year, these puns are sure to keep your spirits as high as the expectations we set on January 1st. So, let’s raise a smile as we raise our glasses, because if laughter is the best medicine, then New Year puns are the cure to all those post-holiday blues!

Best New Year Puns

1. 3,027 years from today, life will either be really good or really bad. It’s 5050.
2. They say “What you do on New Year, you do the rest of the year.” So HumorNama editors are gonna waste their time posting sh*tty puns on the platform.
3. I’ve decided that from January 1st, I’m only going to watch things that are QHD and above. It’s my New Year’s resolution.
4. I gave up drinking for the new year. Sorry, that came out wrong. I gave up. Drinking for the new year.
5. My New Year’s Resolution is to lose 10 pounds. Only 13 more to go.
6. I have this gambling addiction beat by New Year’s. Wanna bet?!
7. Since it’s the New Year now, I can say I haven’t showered since last year! Actually, I think it’s been about a year and a half.
8. I’m going to stay up on New Year’s Eve this year. Not to see the New Year in, but to ensure this one leaves.
9. My New Year’s resolution this year was going to procrastinate more in 2024 but nah, I’ll do it next year.
10. It’s not even midnight and my Welsh friend just messaged me “Blwyddyn Newydd Dda”. He must be smashed already.
11. New York City’s government is so incompetent on New Year’s Eve. They always drop the ball.
12. My New Year’s resolution is to stay out of shape Maybe I won’t stick with this one either.
13. An iPhone and Firework have been arrested on New Year’s eve. The iPhone got charged and Fireworks has been let off.
14. What did Adam say at midnight the first New Year? “Happy New Year, Eve.”
15. Today at the gym, I asked a girl what her New Year’s resolution was. She said, “F*ck you”. So I’m pretty excited for 2024.
16. I always visit my local tire shop on New Year’s. Because then I will know it will be a goodyear.
17. Look at the watch, I can’t believe it’s 20:24 already!
18. I asked a nerd what his New Year’s resolution would be. He answered: 2560 x 1440.
19. Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg. That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.
20. I never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties It goes in one year and out the other.

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21. My New Year’s resolution for 2024 Is to accomplish the goals of 2023 which I should have done in 2022 because I promised them in 2021 and planned them in 2020.
22. If you’re born in September that means your parents started out the New Year with a bang!
23. Most people would prefer to have the time off between Christmas and New Year, but I have a better idea. I’d like to have the time off between New Year and Christmas.
24. My New Year’s Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language. I don’t have a clue how I’m going to get all that done in two days.
25. I’m not an alcoholic. I only drink on two days out of the year. My birthday and not my birthday!
26. A bankrupt gardener sets a New Year’s resolution. He decided to forget the past and focus on the Fuschia
27. When I came home from the party last year New Year’s Eve.. the next morning, dad said, “Wow haven’t seen you since last year. Thought you were a gonner!”
28. My New Year’s Resolution is to be completely serious next year. I’m not joking.
29. A Russian Proverb for the New Year: On average we live pretty well. Worse than last year. But certainly better than next year.
30. Why did the dyslexic elf get fired? He kept writing “From Satan” on children’s New Year presents.
31. I’ve made a New Year’s resolution. I’m going to start doing things on time.
32. Jack Daniels couldn’t be here at my New Year’s Eve party but he was there in spirit.
33. Can’t believe it’s finally New Year’s Eve. Feels like it took all year for it to get here.
34. I made a New Year’s Resolution to drink more water. So far I’ve only gotten as far as Drink More.
35. I’m afraid for the 2023 calendar. Its days are numbered.

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36. When someone else’s New Year’s bucket list is better than yours, it is a pail comparison.
37. Last year, I was able to keep all of my New Year’s resolutions… tucked away in a journal on my bookshelf.
38. Instead of ‘Happy New Year’ I said ‘good year’ to my wife. I must be tired.
39. What is Bill Nye’s real name? William New Year’s Eve.
40. For my New Year’s resolution l’m not going to use deodorant spray anymore. Roll on 2024.
41. Why was the kitten happy on January 1st? It thought it was a mew year.
42. You shouldn’t kiss someone on January 1st. It’s the first date.
43. My New Year’s resolution is to buy a Velcro wall and I plan on sticking to it.
44. Just think, if you sit on the toilet at 11:58 pm and don’t finish until 12:05 it’s the same sh*t, different day.
45. I found it easier to follow my New Year’s resolution after I misspelled it. I am now on a no-crab diet!
46. Got a fitness tracker for Christmas and it’s been on my wrist ever since. I haven’t done any running yet, but I’ve m*sturbated 5 miles.
47. My New Year’s Resolution is to give up sexual innuendos, which is going to be extremely hard…
48. I told my wife that if we start having s*x by the time they start the New Year’s Eve countdown, we’ll still have time to go see the fireworks.
49. My New Year’s resolution is to lose my virginity. I think its time after 85 years.
50. My New Year’s Resolution is to become a wood carver. Right now I only know a whittle.

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Do you have a funny pun about the New Year? Write down your one-liners in the comment section below!