70 Funny New Year Jokes for a Hilarious Start to 2024

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Jessica Amlee

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New Year 2024 marks the beginning of another year, a time filled with hope, resolutions, and the promise of new beginnings. It’s a universal celebration where people around the world bid farewell to the old 2023 and welcome 2024 with fireworks, parties, and often, a toast at midnight. It’s a time for reflection on the past year’s experiences and for setting goals and aspirations for the year ahead. The New Year is also a symbol of renewal, offering everyone a chance to start afresh, whether it’s adopting healthier habits, pursuing new interests, or simply deciding to take life a little less seriously.

New Year jokes play into this spirit of renewal and celebration, often poking fun at the common experiences many face as the calendar flips. These jokes might revolve around failed resolutions, the abrupt transition back to regular life after the holidays, or the humorous confusion that ensues when we keep writing the previous year on our checks and documents. They’re a lighthearted way to share the joys and tribulations that come with the start of a new year, bringing laughter to a time that can be both exciting and daunting. New Year jokes remind us that while the year ahead is unknown, approaching it with a sense of humor can make the journey all the more enjoyable.

Our New Year’s Eve jokes can be serious, funny, or even a little bit silly, and they are often told as a way to celebrate the start of a new year and to bring joy and laughter to the occasion. We have tried to include some silly dad jokes, puns as well as knock knock jokes. If it’s not enough, you can check out our New Year Memes for more fun!

Best New Year Jokes

How do farmers celebrate New Year?
They turnip the beets!

Why did the spoon come to the New Year party dressed as a knife?
The invitation said to look sharp.

Why is it cheaper to throw a New Year party at a haunted house?
Because the ghosts bring all the boos!

Where does Sir Lancelot go on the 31st of December night?
A knight club.

How does NASA organize the New Year event?
They planet.

Yo mama so fat, she’s already in 2024.

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Do you know that some people have decided that from January 1st, they’re only going to watch things that are QHD and above?
It’s their new year’s resolution.

Did you hear that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions?
So it’s best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd.

A drunk wakes up in jail on New Year’s Eve and asks the first police officer he sees, “Why am I here?” The cop replies, “For drinking.”
“Great!” slurs the man. “When do we start?”

Recommended: Best New Year Puns

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“How’s the new year’s resolution coming?” the bartender asks.
“Great, I went to the gym today and I already lost 10 pounds,” the guy replies.
“Seriously, I have no idea where I misplaced those weights.”

My friend had an interview last year to be the person who starts the visual presentation of the new year’s celebration in Market Square.
He dropped the ball.

What does a house wear to a New Year’s Eve party?

Did you hear about the guy who was able to keep all of his New Year’s resolutions?
…tucked away in a journal on his bookshelf.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Mary and Abby!
(Mary and Abby who?)
Mary christmas and a Abby new year.

How many people does it take to have a New Year’s party?
Two and a fifth.

Did you hear about a man’s New Year’s Resolution to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off his bills, and learn a new language?
He doesn’t have a clue how he’s going to get all that done by next day.

Why did the skeleton go to the New Year party alone?
Because he had no body to go with.

A man and his friend were talking about their New Year’s Resolutions.
Friend: I heard you set some really tough resolutions, have you completed them?
Man: Well of course! I’ve swam across the Pacific Ocean in only speedos.
Friend: Neat.
Man: Scaled Mount Everest naked!
Friend, a bit skeptical: Really?
Man: Well, there is one I still haven’t completed.
Friend: And that is?
Man: Break my habit of lying..

How do you make the new year’s ball drop more entertaining?
Add another ball.

How do you lose 12 stones of unsightly fat for the new year?
Divorce her.

Recommended: Fat Jokes

How does a pre-teen celebrate the new year?
The Ball Drop.

Do you know most singles already have a date for New Year’s Eve?
December 31st.

What’s the best resolution for the new year?

What do Alcoholics call New Year’s Eve?
Amateur night!

What is Bill Nye’s real name?
William New Year’s Eve.

Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year’s Eve?
He wanted to start the year with sweet dream.

On a New Year’s Eve, in the court, the judge says, “Why are you here?”
The person in the accused seat answers, “ I got some Christmas gifts from the department store across the street.”
The Judge looked at the prosecutor, puzzled, “That’s something good, what’s happening here?”
The Prosecutor replied, “He got the gifts 2 hours before the store opened, sir.”

What do you call the last day of December instead of New Year’s Eve?
December 2nd, because it’s the last second of the year.

What do you call those awkward days between Christmas and New Year?
The Merryneum.

Did you hear about the astronauts who wanted to have a New Year’s party on the moon?
But they didn’t planet in time.

As midnight approaches, a woman begins soaking a few sponges.
When the clock hits midnight, she begins squeezing the water out of the sponges. Her husband looks at her curiously and asks, “Honey, what are you doing?”
She replies, “Oh, you know, I’m wringing in the New Year!”

Recommended: Winter Solstice Memes

Instead of ‘Happy New Year,’ the husband said ‘good year’ to his wife.
He must be tired.

Why do people use fire during the new year?
Because fireworks.

Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, why should one lift his/her left leg?
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.

Why do most never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties
It goes in one year and out the other.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Radio who?)
Radio not, its a new year.

Do you know what turtles do on New Year’s Eve?
They shellabrate!

Whatever you do, don’t start pooping on December 31st at 11:59.
The last thing we want is the same shit, different year!

I named my dog ‘Happy New Year.’
When I call him in every night, the neighbors think I’ve lost my mind.

Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.

What’s Bill Nye’s favorite day?
New Years Eve.

On New Year’s Eve, a woman slept out.
“I just dreamed you gave me a diamond ring for New Year’s,” she informed her husband as she awoke. “What do you make of it all?”
“Aha, you’ll know tonight!” he answered. Her spouse presented her with a modest gift-wrapped present at midnight. She opened it quickly, excited, but was even more astonished. In it was a book titled The Meaning of Dreams.

What do you call the last day of December instead of New Year’s Eve?
December 2nd, because it’s the last second of the year.

What do New Year’s Eve parades and Santa Claus have in common?
No one is ever awake to see them.

Recommended: Santa Jokes

I made a 2024 New Year’s resolution to stop procrastinating,
But I’m going to wait until next year to start.

Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year’s ball?
Because he couldn’t find a date!

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Razor who?)
Razor glass and toast to a happy new year.

What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
Auld Fang Syne.

What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?
Social Security.

What is the difference between Youth and Middle age?
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

What should a basketball player never make as a New Year’s resolution?
To travel more.

Have you heard about the guy who began preparing breakfast at midnight on December 31?
He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!

Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
There was a count down.

Recommended: Dracula Jokes

Who is most thrilled about the New Year’s Eve countdown?
Calendar Publishers.

How does rain celebrate New Year 2024?
By making many pour decisions!

It was New Year’s eve.
The police caught two individuals. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve.
After some time, one was charged and the other was let off.

What became of the man who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
He got 12 months!

How can you define a New Year’s resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other.

What is the favorite holiday of a cow?
Moo Year’s Day!

On January 1st, what does a ghost say?
Happy Boo Year!

Recommended: Ghost Jokes

What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
The New Year’s Eve clean-up crew.

On January 1st, 2024, what does a caterpillar do?
Turns over a new leaf.

What New Year’s resolution is guaranteed to be successful?
Making a resolution to break your resolution.

On New Year’s Eve, a man who has had too much to drink decides to walk home.
A police officer stopped the individual and inquired as to his destination. “I’m on my way to a lecture,” said the man.
“Who gives lectures on New Year’s Eve?” mocked the officer.
“My wife,” the man replied.

What do you say when bidding farewell on Dec. 31?
“See you next year!”

On New Year’s Eve, where can you find stand-up comedians?
Waiting on the punchline.

What do criminals pay on January 1st?
New Year’s restitution.

A man approaches his friend and requests a cigarette.
“I thought you made a New Year’s resolve and don’t smoke,” his friend jokes.
“I’m in phase one of quitting,” the man said.
“Phase one?” his pal inquired, perplexed.
The man laughed, “Yes. I’ve quit buying.”

Recommended: Dirty New Year Jokes

What do cannibals serve at the beginning of the New Year party?

What food should you avoid on December 31st, 2023?

What did a ghoul say on December 31st?
“Happy New Fear!”

Have a better joke about the new year 2024? Post your happy new year puns and one-liners in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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