65 New Year Jokes And Puns for a Hilarious Start to 2023

New Year Jokes On 2023
New Year 2023 Jokes

Joking on New Year’s Eve is a way for people to have fun and celebrate the start of a new year. It is a time when people traditionally gather with friends and family to reflect on the past year and look forward to the future. Joking and making light of situations is a common way for people to cope with stress and to bring joy and laughter into their lives. It is also a way for people to bond and connect with others, and create a sense of community. New Year’s Eve is a time of renewal and hope, and joking and having a good time is one way that people mark this special occasion.

Our New Year’s Eve jokes can be serious, funny, or even a little bit silly, and they are often told as a way to celebrate the start of a new year and to bring joy and laughter to the occasion. We have tried to include some silly dad jokes, puns as well as knock knock jokes. If it’s not enough, you can check out our New Year Memes for more fun!

Funny New Year Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who asked the hot girl at his gym about her New Year’s resolution?
She said, “F#ck you”. He thinks she’s pretty excited about 2023.

Yo mama so fat, she’s already in 2023.

What’s a dirty new year pick up line?
If your left leg is Christmas and your right leg is New Year… can I visit you between holidays?

Do you know that some people have decided that from January 1st, they’re only going to watch things that are 1080p and above?
It’s their new year’s resolution.

Did you hear that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions?
So it’s best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd.

A drunk wakes up in jail on New Year’s Eve and asks the first police officer he sees, “Why am I here?” The cop replies, “For drinking.”
“Great!” slurs the man. “When do we start?”

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“How’s the new year’s resolution coming?” the bartender asks.
“Great, I went to the gym today and I already lost 10 pounds,” the guy replies.
“Seriously, I have no idea where I misplaced those weights.”

What will the virus say to your genitals, tonight at midnight?
“Herpe New Year!”

My friend had an interview last year to be the person who starts the visual presentation of the new year’s celebration in Market Square.
He dropped the ball.

Did you hear about the guy who was able to keep all of his New Year’s resolutions?
…tucked away in a journal on his bookshelf.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Mary and Abby!
(Mary and Abby who?)
Mary christmas and a Abby new year.

How many people does it take to have a new years party?
Two and a fifth.

Did you hear about a man’s New Year’s Resolution to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off his bills, and learn a new language?
He doesn’t have a clue how he’s going to get all that done by next day.

How do you make the new year’s ball drop more entertaining?
Add another ball.

How do you lose 12 stones of unsightly fat for the new year?
Divorce her.

Recommended: Fat Jokes

How does a pre-teen celebrate the new year?
The Ball Drop.

Do you know most singles already have a date for New Year’s Eve?
December 31st.

What’s the best resolution for the new year?

If you start having sex at 11:58 tonight, you might start off the new year with a blast.
If you make it that long!

What do you call those awkward days between Christmas and New Year?
The Merryneum.

Did you hear about the astronauts who wanted to have a New Year’s party on the moon?
But they didn’t planet in time.

As midnight approaches, a woman begins soaking a few sponges.
When the clock hits midnight, she begins squeezing the water out of the sponges. Her husband looks at her curiously and asks, “Honey, what are you doing?”
She replies, “Oh, you know, I’m wringing in the New Year!”

Recommended: Winter Solstice Memes

Instead of ‘Happy New Year,’ the husband said ‘good year’ to his wife.
He must be tired.

Why do people use fire during the new year?
Because fireworks.

Why didn’t most have a New Years’ kiss?
They don’t kiss on the first date.

Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, why should one lift his/her left leg?
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.

Why do most never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties
It goes in one year and out the other.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Radio who?)
Radio not, its a new year.

Do you know what turtles do on New Year’s Eve?
They shellabrate!

Have you heard about the local nudist colony’s New Years’ introductory offer?
New members take 50% off!

Whatever you do, don’t start pooping on December 31st at 11:59.
The last thing we want is the same shit, different year!

I named my dog ‘Happy New Year.’
When I call him in every night, the neighbors think I’ve lost my mind.

Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.

What’s Bill Nye’s favorite day?
New Years Eve.

On New Year’s Eve, a woman slept out.
“I just dreamed you gave me a diamond ring for New Year’s,” she informed her husband as she awoke. “What do you make of it all?”
“Aha, you’ll know tonight!” he answered. Her spouse presented her with a modest gift-wrapped present at midnight. She opened it quickly, excited, but was even more astonished. In it was a book titled The Meaning of Dreams.

What do you call the last day of December instead of New Year’s Eve?
December 2nd, because it’s the last second of the year.

Do remember the guy who was accused of domestic violence?
He has broken two things in one punch, his new year’s resolution, and his wife’s nose.

What do New Year’s Eve parades and Santa Claus have in common?
No one is ever awake to see them.

Recommended: Santa Jokes

I made a 2023 New Year’s resolution to stop procrastinating,
But I’m going to wait until next year to start.

Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year’s ball?
Because he couldn’t find a date!

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Razor who?)
Razor glass and toast to a happy new year.

What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
Auld Fang Syne.

What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?
Social Security.

What does a drug dealer say at the end of the year?
“Merry cryst meth!”

What is the difference between Youth and Middle age?
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

What should a basketball player never make as a New Year’s resolution?
To travel more.

Have you heard about the guy who began preparing breakfast at midnight on December 31?
He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!

Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
There was a count down.

Recommended: Dracula Jokes

Who is most thrilled about the New Year’s Eve countdown?
Calendar Publishers.

How does rain celebrate New Year 2023?
By making many pour decisions!

It was New Year’s eve.
The police caught two individuals. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve.
After some time, one was charged and the other was let off.

What became of the man who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
He got 12 months!

How can you define a New Year’s resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other.

What is the favorite holiday of a cow?
Moo Year’s Day!

On January 1st, what does a ghost say?
Happy Boo Year!

Recommended: Ghost Jokes

What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
The New Year’s Eve clean-up crew.

On January 1st, 2023, what does a caterpillar do?
Turns over a new leaf.

What New Year’s resolution is guaranteed to be successful?
Making a resolution to break your resolution.

On New Year’s Eve, a man who has had too much to drink decides to walk home.
A police officer stopped the individual and inquired as to his destination. “I’m on my way to a lecture,” said the man.
“Who gives lectures on New Year’s Eve?” mocked the officer.
“My wife,” the man replied.

What do you say when bidding farewell on Dec. 31?
“See you next year!”

On New Year’s Eve, where can you find stand-up comedians?
Waiting on the punchline.

What do criminals pay on January 1st?
New Year’s restitution.

A man approaches his friend and requests a cigarette.
“I thought you made a New Year’s resolve and don’t smoke,” his friend jokes.
“I’m in phase one of quitting,” the man said.
“Phase one?” his pal inquired, perplexed.
The man laughed, “Yes. I’ve quit buying.”

What food should you avoid on December 31st, 2022?

What did a ghoul say on December 31st?
“Happy New Fear!”

Have a better joke about the new year 2023? Post your happy new year puns and one-liners in the comment section below!

What do you think?

Written by Jessica Amlee

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Known for her sharp wit and clever wordplay, Jessica has authored several popular joke books. A regular at stand-up comedy clubs, she never fails to leave her audience in stitches. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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