Sickipedia is like the wild side of joke websites where nothing is too off-limits. It’s the place where dark humor meets the internet, and the jokes are as twisted as they come. If you’ve ever thought, “I wonder how far someone can push the boundaries of comedy,” Sickipedia Jokes will answer that question though you might question your life choices after reading some of them.
But once you dive into these jokes, it’s hard to stop. You’ll find yourself scrolling, laughing, and trying to figure out how they even thought of that. So, we have aggregated the best jokes from the website for our readers.
Best Sickipedia Jokes
Did you know that a lot of people think that crop circles are caused by alien spacecraft?
But I think they are done by cereal killers.
I was working in my shop when the cashier called me over.
He said, “These two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty-pound notes.”
“What did they look like?” I asked.
He said, “Fifty-pound notes.”
A Downs $yndrome couple asked me if they had a baby would it be ok.
I said two Mongs don’t make a right.
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?”
“Well,” he said, “We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a tea cup, and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub”
“Oh, I understand,” I said. “Because a normal person would use the bucket as it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup”
“No,” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or the door?”
If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then:
Electricians are delighted,
Corpses are decrypted,
Cowboys are deranged,
Models are deposed,
Underwear models are debriefed,
Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted,
Jilted women are debrided,
HVAC technicians are deducted,
Tennis linemen are defaulted,
Florists are deflowered,
Students are detested,
Hostels are debunked,
Spies are debugged and detailed,
Corporations are deformed and delimited,
Celibate people are delayed,
Chauffeurs are derided,
Record keepers are described,
Plumbers are dethroned,
Clerks are defiled,
Traffic cops are defined,
Naturists are denuded,
Election officials are devoted,
Accountants are decertified,
Builders are deconstructed,
Confused people are demystified,
Intelligence officials are declassified,
Interpretors for the deaf are designed,
Road builders are degraded,
Waiters are deserved,
Horses put out to stud are desired,
Castles are demoted,
Organ donors are delivered,
Anything certain is depending.
And if you found this funny, you’re probably demented, defective, and in denial.
I put a log on the fire yesterday.
My wife thought it was disgusting and I burnt my arse.
I’ve heard from a reliable source that there is more bacteria on my kitchen work surfaces than there is on my toilet seat.
Note to self: Stop sh*tting in the sink.
I was taking the pi$$ out of a bloke with a ridiculous wig on today.
He had the last laugh though. Sentenced me to 6 months.
I asked the librarian for a book on constipation.
She said, “It comes out in a week or two.”
Recommended: Dark Jokes
“It’s time we talked about the elephant in the room,” said my wife as I poured my 8th gin.
“Shhh,” I replied. “Not in front of Jumbo.”
My mate’s wife lets him lick strawberry preserve of her v@gina.
“Jammy c*nt!”
Did you hear that Erwin Schrödinger was an alleged PƎdo?
I bet he made up that cat box bull$hit to stop someone from looking in there and finding a kid.
The Spanish discovered a new country and named it Argentina, meaning “Land of Silver”.
Then they discovered Nigeria.
The hospital where my daughter is staying has got one direction to visit her.
She’s also going to see Liam Payne next week!
What happens when you drink food colouring?
You dye a little on the inside.
To my American friends.
You say “Tom-ay-toes”, we say “Tom-ah-toes”.
You say “Mos-cow”, we say “Mos-co.”.
You say ” ‘erbs”, we say “Herbs”,
Because there’s a f*cking “H” in it.
A man phones the doctor about his hearing aid but gets no answer.
The doctor phones the man back shortly after and says, “You called?”
The man thinks for a second, then says, “No, pretty warm, actually.”
Never go out for a walk in the rain in bell-bottom trousers.
I did and now they’re ringing.
I was in the bedroom and going at my wife hard from behind.
“Thrust harder, thrust harder!” she screamed, “OH yes, the Lube is working!”
And then three seconds later, the fatso finally popped through our door frame.
Recommended: Morbid Jokes
I spent 20 minutes banging and slamming around the house and eventually screamed at the kids “Where’s that idiot thing that peels the vegetables?”
Apparently, she went back to her mother’s a few days ago.
I just donated £50 to a rainbow group.
I really hope it helps them find a curɘ.
A couple of cheese factory workers laughed at me today.
It wasn’t very mature.
One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will merge.
It’ll be called YouTwitFace.
Wetter is better.
Unless you’re in Valencia.
Alzheimer’s drug, hailed as a breakthrough, could triple the risk of dying.
Win-win.
My 5-year-old son said he wanted a treehouse in the back garden.
20 years growing a tree and now he doesn’t want it anymore…ungrateful idiot!
Studies suggest that 50% of Americans will be obese by 2030.
They really think they can get it as low as that?!
I think I have a bible fetish….
I just came to that revelation.
Three Aussie guys—Shane, Ricky, and Jeff—were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.”
Jeff replies, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, Jeff comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Ricky asks, “Where did you get that, Jeff?”
Jeff responds, “Shane’s wife gave it to me.”
Ricky, surprised, says, “That’s unbelievable! You told her her husband was dead, and she gave you the beer?”
“Well, not exactly,” Jeff says. “When she answered the door, I said, ‘You must be Shane’s widow.’
She said, ‘No, I’m not a widow.’
So I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Fosters you are.'”
My crush told me that I’m pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I focus only on the positive things.
Recommended: Dark Humor Knock Knock Jokes
Apparently the h*rnier you are, the more forgetful you are!
Did you know that the hornier you are, the more forgetful you are?
I would never have believed 8 weeks of uncut hair would weigh over a stone.
But if that’s what the scales say, it must be right!
I can tolerate most stationary.
But pencils make me draw the line.
Son: Why is my sister called Teresa?
Dad: Cause your mum loves Easter – it’s an anagram.
Son: Thanks, dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.
I was sitting on the edge of the bed pulling my boxers off and my missus said……
“You spoil them dogs!”
From 1952 to 1963 the British Government tested nuclear weapons in Australia.
That’s always puzzled me.
Why go all that way when you’ve got Birkenhead on your doorstep?
How do architects, engineers, and male adult stars gain fame?
Through their er*ctions.
What’s another name for a 100% steel cage?
A Nickelless Cage.
A group of archaeologists gathered to find the leg bone of an ancient man
It was a real shindig.
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors, but he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect. Luckily, the judge was lenient.
As he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
New article about an asteroid colliding with Earth
I couldn’t read it… Hits too close to home.
Most people write congrats because they don’t know the spelling of congrajulashions.
Recommended: Dark Yo Mama Jokes
What do you say when someone uses age instead of era?
Epoch fail.
Sickipedia has stolen so many jokes it has turned dark.
The wife just asked me whether I love her or football the most?… I said, “Open your legs and I will show you!”
So I nutmegged her.
I called my boss and told him I couldn’t make it to work today because the wind had blown leaves onto my car in the night.
“So? Just wipe them off,” he said.
“Well, they’re still attached to the tree,” I replied.
If modern society has taught us anything, it’s that the less a person is qualified to have an opinion,
The more likely she is to express it.
A mate of mine believes that the Earth is flat. I challenged him to prove it by walking off the edge.
He eventually came around.
A lot of TV adverts go completely over my head now I’m older.
I’m sure a lot of young people don’t understand them either but they’re sitting there going, “Oooooh! Pretty lights…”
Why do Germans believe in procrastinating?
Because a stitch in time saves nein.
What happens when Russia, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Armenia, Ukraine, and Latvia get back together?
A Soviet reunion.
Paddy is in the Bathroom, and Murphy shouts, “Did you find the Shampoo?”
Paddy replies, “Yes but it’s for dry hair and I just wet mine!”
Every day my 90-year-old neighbour who has Alzhiemers knocks on my door and asks me if I’ve seen his wife.
And every day I have to tell that 90-year-old man his wife has been long dead.
You know I have thought of not answering the door I have even thought about moving house.
But you know it’s worth it, each time just to see the smile on his face..
Recommended: Dark Dad Jokes
When my mate started losing his hair, he got a wig.
We didn’t notice at first, it was done syrup-titiously.
A young girl in her underwear is irresistible to me.
I’m addicted to knicker teen.
Funny how suddenly there are only two genders when trying to get men put on a curfew…
My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers.
He’s a mixed Marshall artist.
Do you have a dark joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
