70 Dark Dad Jokes for a Wicked Laugh from Adults

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Jessica Amlee


Dad jokes are the cornerstone of paternal humor, and are known for their wholesome, often groan-inducing puns and one-liners. These jokes typically involve simple, straightforward punchlines, leaning heavily on wordplay and predictable outcomes. They’re the kind of jokes that elicit eye rolls and chuckles in equal measure, often delivered with a knowing smirk and a self-satisfied chuckle from dads everywhere. The beauty of dad jokes lies in their universal appeal and innocence, providing a light-hearted way for fathers to connect with their children and others around them through humor.

Dark dad jokes, however, take a walk on the wild side of this usually sunny humor landscape. They blend the traditional, punny charm of a dad joke with an edgier, sometimes macabre twist. These aren’t your typical dad jokes. Instead, they tiptoe along the line of dark humor, offering a more daring type of comedy that’s still delivered with the typical dad’s deadpan delivery and timing. Perfect for those who like their humor with a little bit of a bite, dark humor dad jokes are a refreshing spin on the classic format, proving that even dad humor can have a shadowy side.

Best Dark Humor Dad Jokes

How are girls similar to mathematics?
If they are under eleven, use your fingers.

Why do you never see LGBTQ people in wheelchairs?
You can’t be a fruit and vegetable at the same time.

What is Mathew Perry’s favorite band?
Drowning Pool.

How is arguing with people online like racing in the Special Olympics?
Win or lose, you’re still ret*rded.

What is a terr*rist’s favorite move in chess?

Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To feel wanted.

What do you call a flat emo?
A cutting board.

What’s big, black, and hangs from a tree?
A tire swing.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
Kinder surprise.

What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?
Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger.

Recommended: Dark Jokes With No Limits

Why can’t you find books about suic*de in a public library?
Nobody returns it.

What is the most played indoor sport in India?
Domestic Violence.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take meds on an empty stomach.

What’s the most expensive haircut you can get?

What is the No. 1 NSFW content subscription service in Alabama?

Why are Americans so dumb?
Because they shoot the ones that go to school.

What do you call a Kardashian’s cleavage?
Silicon Valley.

If a female tiger has babies, but there is no father present, a different male tiger will kill her children to put her back in the mating cycle.
The tiger knows how to deal with a single mother. And now you do too.

Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
She was on the dashboard, too.

What do Boy Scouts and Jews have in common?
They both have a bad time at camp.

Recommended: Dark Yo Mama Jokes

Why didn’t the cop shoot the zebra?
He couldn’t decide whether it was black or white.

What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
“I’d hit that.”

What has Obama proved in his presidency?
No matter how far a brother gets in life, he’ll still end up in government housing.

What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on the same book for ages?

What goes red, green, red, green, red, green?
A frog in a blender.

Why are Americans good at solving Rubik’s Cubes?
Because they have a history of separating colors.

How are Transgenders like handicapped people?
You don’t see any grey haird ones.

Why do amputees consistently get severe depression?
Because they couldn’t reach out to someone.

Why did H*tler lose the Olympics?
Because he couldn’t finish the race.

Recommended: Funny Morbid Jokes

How do you blind an Asian?
Put a windshield in front of them.

If 6 was afraid of 7, because 7 8 9, why did 10 need intensive counseling?
He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.

What’s the difference between Americans and Computers?
Americans don’t have Troubleshooting.

How do you get rid of an unwanted pregnancy?
Put a banana peel at the top of the stairs.

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.

What is the worst thing to do at a f*neral?
The corpse.

What’s common between a stripper and Nutella?
They both spread for bread.

What’s the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?
A ginger having friends.

How do you annoy an archeologist?
Give them a used t*mpon and ask them to guess which period it is from.

Why did Helen Keller m*sturbate with one hand?
So that she could moan with the other.

Recommended: Dark Helen Keller Jokes

What was the Chinese psychiatrist called?
Sum Ting Wong.

Why does everyone think Americans don’t use the metric system?
They use 9 millimeters a lot in schools.

What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?
The dead hang.

What are combat sports in the Paralympics called?
Partial arts.

How are jokes like people?
Some of us don’t like the dark ones.

What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Santa Claus?
The direction they go in a chimney.

Why did Steven Hawking go to hell?
Because the stairway to heaven wasn’t wheelchair accessible.

What’s something you can say in the exam hall and in bed?
“Mam, I have a doubt.”

Did you know that most Jews have ADHD?
That would explain why they got sent to concentration camps.

Recommended: Dark Deadbeat Jokes

What do Necrophiliacs and Alcoholics have in common?
They both like cracking open cold ones.

What was Osama bin Laden favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.

How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk person.

What do you call a midget Mexican?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full essay.

Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus?
Because an aborted fetus wasn’t born yesterday.

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.

What’s the difference between a brick and a ginger?
A brick gets laid.

What’s the female version of teab*gging?
Carpet bombing.

What’s the British term for opium-induced erectile dysfunction?

What do you call a pirate that pisses on people?
Arrrrrrr Kelly.

How do all the best racist jokes begin?
With a nervous look left and right.

Recommended: Dark Racist Jokes

Why does Jesus not like playing hockey?
He just hates getting pinned to the boards.

Why are neo-Nazis the highest per-capita consumers of men’s s*x toys?
Because they prefer their flesh light.

Are you scared of pedophiles?
Grow up.

How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.

How does a redhead shave their p*bic hair?
Very gingerly.

How is slavery like Pokemon?
You got to catch Jamal.

What’s the difference between 9/11 and your birth?
One was planned.

What do you eat during a f*neral?
A mourning meal.

Recommended: Funny Dad Jokes

How is ab*rtion, not murd*r?
It’s just canceling your pre-order.

How do you drown an bl*nde?
Tell her there’s a mirror at the bottom of the pond.

Do you have a dark joke in a dad-joke format? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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