90 Dark Morbid Jokes to Dive into the Grim Side of Comedy

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Jessica Amlee


Morbid curiosity is a peculiar aspect of the human psyche, drawing us into the mysterious and often dark corners of existence. It’s the inexplicable pull we feel towards tales of the macabre, the chilling, and the downright creepy. For as long as tales have been told, stories of death, disaster, and the great unknown have mesmerized us, offering a means to confront our own fears and uncertainties from a safe distance.

Enter morbid jokes, the mischievous offspring of our dark fascinations. These puns are where humor dances on the grave of solemnity. They take topics that are traditionally taboo and spin them into punchlines, challenging our comfort zones. Some say it’s a coping mechanism, making light of the dark to keep the specter of our own mortality at bay. Others just appreciate the sheer audacity and wit required to make someone laugh about something so grim. Whatever the reason, morbid jokes prove that sometimes, the best way to deal with the shadows is to tickle them until they giggle!

Best Morbid Jokes

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

Yo mama so fat that she really needs to make an immediate lifestyle change. Heart disease is the number one killer in America. There is no better time than now to make a change before it’s too late.

Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?

What if death was a woman?
So she won’t come soon.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Jason who?)
Jason slowly began to break down in tears as his grandmother’s Alzheimer’s reached a point where she could no longer recognize him.

How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.

What comes after death?

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.

Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.

How do you know that Stephen Hawking’s death was purely accidental?
The guy must’ve clicked shut down instead of sleep.

How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?!

What is the difference between morbid and dark humor?
Morbid humor is 1 child in 10 bins, dark humor is 10 children in 1 bin.

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last great hit was The Wall.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing.

Two men and a woman interview for a job as an assassin.
The first man was given a gun and told to go into a room and shoot the person sitting on the chair. He went in and came straight out again. “That’s my wife,” he said, “I can’t kill her.” “Sorry,” said the interviewers, “You don’t have what it takes to be an assassin.”
The second man was told the same thing. He stayed in the room for a whole minute but eventually came out shaking his head. “That’s my wife,” he said, “I couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger.” “Sorry,” said the interviewers. “You don’t have what it takes to be an assassin.”
Finally, the woman went in. She stayed in the room for five minutes, during which there was a loud commotion from inside the room. Finally, she came out breathless and looking a little roughed up. “You might have told me my husband was in there,” she said panting. “And the stupid gun you gave me turned out to be full of blanks, so I had to beat him to death with the chair!”

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.

Recommended: Dark Humor With No Limits

What does AIDS stand for?
Ass Injected Death Sentence.

How do people with asthma try to kill themselves?
They try and climb the stairway to heaven.

Why were the lesbians stoned to death?
Because rock beats scissors.

Yo mama so stupid, when she got locked in the grocery store, she starved to death.

What do you get a person with dementia for their birthday?
A jigsaw puzzle they’ll be occupied for months.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish family?

Why did Hitler shoot himself?
Because he received the gas bill.

What’s red and crawling up a girl’s leg?
An abortion with home sickness.

Doctors want you to be sick, police officers hope that you are in trouble.
Only thieves wish you prosperity.

Ten Catholic priests all died in a bus accident.
When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says “If any of you are paedophile, there’s no point waiting here. Just f*ck off straight to hell!”
Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.
St. Peter calls after them, “AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?

How is morbid humor like a child with terminal cancer?
It never gets old.

How did the dentist become a heart surgeon?
The drill slipped.

Recommended: Suicide Jokes

Why did lesbians didn’t go to war?
They didn’t have the balls to fight.

Your name backwards is the cause of your death.
Liam: Mail?
Reggina: …

What is brown and smells like caramel?
A diabetic struck by lightning.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.

Yo mama so fat her death ended world hunger.

What allergies do most people have when a cop is nearby?

What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?

How are Boobs like friends?
You have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones. And cancer takes some of them away.

After his death, Michael Jackson was not buried.
He was recycled at the Lego factory.
So even now, he can play with kids.

Recommended: Dark Humor Knock Knock Jokes

What doesn’t get better with age?

Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker?
They have to take ACE inhibitors.

Brazil has half the number of guns in comparison to the USA but twice the number of deaths by gunshot, you know what that means?
That Brazilians have a better aim.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.”
The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?”
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine…”

Where do the suicide bombers go after death?

What do morbidly obese people think about when they jerk off?
A creampie.

What’s black and eats pussy?
Cervical Cancer.

What is green and eats nuts?

Recommended: Funeral Jokes

The Pope gets in a car accident and is rushed to the hospital.
As he opens his eyes and looks around, he smiles and says, “Wow, is this heaven?!?
The paramedic says, “No sir, we are taking a shortcut through the children’s section!”

What’s the worst combination of illness?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

Have you ever understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types in Pokemon?
Think about malaria in Africa.

What do you call a bunch of capitalists dying of tuberculosis?
Mass consumption.

A woman delivers a baby.
The doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”
The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just f*cking with you, it was born dead!”

When is the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of charades.

What starts with an M and ends with arriage?

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school?
You reload.

Recommended: Dark Yo Momma Jokes

What did Red Ranger say to a terminally ill patient?
“It‘s morphine time.”

Why do they have air conditioning at hospitals?
To keep the vegetables nice and cool.

What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.

While touring the psychiatric hospital, a new nurse sees a man sitting in the corner of his room, completely naked.
He has a bag of almonds and is bouncing them, one at a time, off of the head of his erect dick. She looks at the doctor showing her around and asks, “Doctor, what is he doing?”
He replies, “He’s just f*cking nuts.”

Why does the number 10 have PTSD?
Because it’s between 9/11.

Did you hear about that man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

Little Johnny’s grandfather said, “Your generation relies too much on technology.”
So Little Johnny said, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!”
Then he unplugged the life support.

Did you hear about the masturbating guy with heart disease?
He died of a stroke.

When the human body dies, what’s the last part to die?
The pupils. They dilate.

Two necrophiliacs are in a graveyard.
One walks up to the other as he’s about to crack the caskets at the bottom of the grave. “Whatcha got in here??” He asks with excitement. “What happened to your gal?” The one in the grave replies. “Ahh her? Oh, that rotten c*nt split on me.”

Recommended: Dark Cemetery Jokes

What is the worst thing you can do on a funeral?
The corpse.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, “F*ck off you won’t bring it back.”

Why did America lose the chess game?
Because they lost 2 towers.

Why did the UK lose the game of chess?
Because their queen is no more.

What do you call an autistic kid with a Glock?
Special Forces.

Do you know the phrase ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’?
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

What did anti-vaxxer kids say about diseases?
“Gotta catch’em all!”

What was the last pizza delivered to the Twin Towers?
Two large plains.

Recommended: Dark Humor Dad Jokes

What does a feminist on her periods suffer from?
Mad Cow Disease.

What was the worst part of your wife’s death?
The thirty years leading up to it.

How did the Coroner explain the man’s death after an exhaustive session of fell*tio?
He succumbed.

What’s worse than a sick muskrat on your piano?
A diseased beaver on your organ.

A guy is in hospital when the doctor comes to see him.
The doctor says, “Do you want the good news or bad news?”
The guy says, “Give me the good news.”
The doctor says, “They are going to name a disease after you.”

What’s the worst thing to say at a funeral?
“Thanks for watching my unboxing video!”

What’s something you can say during sex or at a funeral?
“I’m sorry. Were you close?”

What do you call a dark-skinned woman mourning the death of her husband?
A black widow.

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.

What’s the similarity between pedophilia and death?
Age doesn’t matter.

Roses are red,
Violets are violet,
My dad died in 9/11,
And he was a good pilot.

How can you know a Muslim’s time of death?
Read the timer on his chest.

What’s something you can say in Medieval Europe and in 1950s era Southern US?
Black Death.

What’s the benefit of having a prostitute die on you?
The second hour is free.

What were the names of the twins who died in a plane crash?

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.

How can you die in an acid shower?
By rinsing off your head & shoulders.

Did you know there was an eight dwarf?
His name was lumpy, he died of cancer.

Why can’t Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.

Do you have a funny morbid joke? Write down your own dark puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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