Tom Swifty jokes are a fun kind of wordplay where the way someone speaks matches what they’re saying. These puns come from a writing style where a character named Tom speaks, and the manner he speaks (the adverb) forms a pun with the sentence. They began as a parody of old adventure books that overused adverbs in dialogue.
Tom Swifties have this sneaky way of sounding smart and silly at the same time. It’s like Tom just can’t help being dramatic, no matter the situation.
Best Tom Swifty Jokes
- “I can’t find the bananas,” Tom said fruitlessly.
- “Can you send the telegram again?” Tom asked, remorsefully.
- “Hey! Use your own hairbrush!” Tom bristled.
- “I know what a sixteenth of a pound is!” Tom announced.
- “I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
- “I’ll never pet a lion again,” Tom said offhandedly.
- “It rubs the lotion on its skin,” Tom said topically.
- “Pete! Pete! Pete! Pete!” Tom repeated.
- “I wish I were freckled,” Tom said gingerly.
- “Can’t talk. Busy camping,” replied Tom, intent.
- “Warden! That inmate is climbing down the wall!” Tom said condescendingly.
- “I dropped my toothpaste!” said Tom, crestfallen.
- “You really need to check your spelling,” Tom corrected.
- “They had to amputate them both at the ankles,” said Tom, defeated.
- “Woah! Is that Spider-Man?” Tom marvelled.
- “I really don’t like to eat lamb,” Tom said sheepishly.
- “The French don’t deserve our thanks!” said Tom mercilessly.
- “This must be the way in,” Tom said, entranced.
- “Well, I’ll be dipped in zinc!” Tom said, galvanized.
- Tom and Ruth were riding a tandem bike. Ruth fell off. Tom rode on, ruthlessly.
Recommended: Corny Jokes
- “I’m so tired of eating whale meat all the time,” Tom blubbered.
- “We’ll never get a table here,” Tom said without reservation.
- “Technically, that little wet spot from that tiny insect isn’t urine because they only excrete uric acid,” Tom said pedantically.
- “My name is actually spelled T-O-O-O-M,” he said, morosely.
- “Just throw it anywhere,” said Tom, aimlessly.
- “I guess lion taming isn’t for me,” Tom said off-handedly.
- “This font isn’t thick enough,” said Tom boldly.
- “I just set fire to a life raft!” said Tom flamboyantly.
- “I assume you’re the host?” Tom guessed.
- “I’ve missed a lot of school lately,” Tom remarked absently.
- “I do not resemble a pony in any way!” nayed Tom hoarsely.
- “I’ll draw it again,” Tom remarked.
- “Haven’t you heard me singing in church?” Tom inquired.
- “There’s a crack in this submersible,” Tom gushed.
- “I guess I’ll have to redo these exam grades,” Tom Remarked.
- “I can’t remember all this information,” Tom said thoughtfully.
- “I dunno, I think this bouquet is good enough as it is,” Tom said lackadaisically.
- “I’m turning this butter into ghee,” Tom clarified.
- “I’ve always considered myself sort of a Matador,” Tom remarked bullishly.
- “I love stone fruits,” Tom said with aplomb.
Recommended: Funny Joke of the Day
- “I can never find my way through Paris,” Tom said ruefully.
- “Who discovered radium?” asked Marie curiously.
- “My teacher scolded me for poor penmanship. I need to rewrite my entire assignment,” Tom told me, recursively.
- “We should hide in the grassland,” Tom said plainly.
- “Knossos, Heraklion — that whole place is a sh*thole!” Tom said discreetly.
- “Stuffing a turkey is all about proper seasoning,” said Tom sagely.
- “Dad, you need to eat healthier breakfasts,” Tom told his pop tartly.
- “Would you like to go fishing with me?” Tom asked with allure.
- “Parsley, Rosemary, and Thyme,“ Tom remarked sagely.
- ‘I don’t want to shave my head!’ Tom bawled.
- “Get to the back of the boat!” Tom said sternly.
- “I lost my three-legged display stand,” Tom said uneasily.
- “I’ve given up drinking,” Tom said dryly.
- “The witch turned me into a frog!” Tom croaked.
- “YOU WIN THIS ANGER CONTEST,” shouted Tom, outraged.
- “That candy bar sure hit the spot,” Tom snickered.
- “Finally … I’ve killed Peter,” Tom deadpanned.
- “Three, Five, Seven, Nine,” Tom muttered oddly.
- “I don’t pay attention to insects,” Tom said ignorantly.
- “I can’t remember what I was supposed to buy,” said Tom listlessly.
Recommended: Funny Dad Joke of the Day
- “I used the vacuum to unclog the sink,” said Tom succinctly.
- “You mean I receive the ENTIRE inheritance?” said Tom, willfully.
- “You can just call me TS,” Tom said initially.
- “I’ll repeat the code with my telegraph,” said Tom with remorse.
- “I love birds,” Tom cooed. “But I HATE chickens,” he added foully.
- “Blunt knives are useless, Tom pondered pointlessly.
- “Capital punishment is primarily used on the lower classes,” Tom said with poor execution.
- “Madonna cancelled her tour,” said Tom disconcertingly.
- “Dooby dooby doo,” the penguin said, dubiously.
- “Now, do you get my point?” Tom spoke sharply.
- “Hold the torch still as I reimplant the brain, Igor,” reminded Dr. Frankenstein.
- “Skinny dipping is one of my favorite pastimes,” Tom replied, swimmingly.
- “Oh, I eat everything,” said Tom in jest.
- “It’s a rolling blackout,” said Tom darkly.
- “I almost made it,” Tom said shyly.
- “This is going to be difficult,” said Tom uneasily.
- “Welcome to the Haunted Mansion!” Tom said in a spooky manor.
- “We’d better take it slow and stealthly,” Tom said creepily.
- “I hate birds,” Yom groused.
- “Oh no, I dropped my toothpaste…” Tom said, crestfallen.
Recommended: Pun Jokes
- “O Christmas, O Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches,” he opined.
- “Although we came in here, the exit is over there,” Tom pointed out.
- “We struck oil!” Tom gushed.
- “Can you pass the Mrs. Butterworth?” asked Tom surreptitiously.
- “Whoa!” Tom said hoarsely.
- “I love accordions!” Tom said expansively.
- “I was correct the first three times, and I am correct now,” Tom said forthrightly.
- “I think I am starting to enjoy sodomy,” Tom said half in Ernest.
- “More cushion, better the pushing,” Tom said morbidly.
- “I could go for seconds on the scallopini,” Tom revealed.
- “I’ll see you in court!” Tom said briefly.
- “Carnivals are noisy and useless,” complained Tom unfairly.
- “Rest in Peace,” Tom said gravely.
- “Murder!” Tom crowed.
- “My favorite singer is Taylor,” Tom said swiftly.
- “Your food is bland,” Tom told his host tastelessly.
- “I gave you your freedom, and I can take it away too,” Tom said deliberatingly
- “Warden! That prisoner is escaping over the wall!” Tom said condescendingly.
- “That safe was too easy for me,” the locksmith wisecracked.
- “I wonder if Turing’s figured it out?” asked Tom, enigmatically.
Recommended: Yo Mama Jokes
- ‘I’ve never dyed my hair red… but I’ll try it,’ said Tom gingerly.
- “It’s just a curry with peas in it,” Tom muttered.
- “It should be either on the left or the right,” Tom sighed.
- “I can hardly breathe, it’s so smokey in here!” Tom fumed.
- “Et tu?” Tom asked brutally.
- “Munster has five counties: Cork, Kerry, Limerick, Tipperary, and Waterford,” Tom declared.
- “Get the harpoon!” Tom wailed.
- “Get to the back of the boat,” Tom said sternly.
- “I don’t wanna stomp grapes anymore!” Tom whined.
- “This drumming is too easy,” said Tom without missing a beat.
- “I think I’ll change my name,” Tom said curtly.
- “I shat my pants,” Tom said, undeterred.
- “We’re coming up too fast!” Tom said buoyantly.
- “I’m never taking an Uber again,” Tom derided.
- “I want to go exploring,” Tom ventured.
- The navy is developing AI that works underwater,” Tom said subconsciously.
- “I’ve never once worn my seatbelt!” – Tom exclaimed recklessly.
- “I’ve joined a choir,” Tom exclaimed gleefully.
- “I love fountains,” Tom bubbled.
- “Which bus stops near an auto dealer?” Tom asked precariously.
Recommended: One Liners
- “Not my favorite, I give it three stars,” Tom said irately.
- “That’s a very big needle,” Tom said pointedly.
- “Boy, am I glad I paid for my hotel room in advance,” Tom said reservedly.
- “We need to make sure this isn’t an improvised bomb,” Tom testified.
- “I just love marshmallows!” Tom peeped.
- These pigs sure do like this stuff,” Tom said sloppily.
- “Well, of course, I spy on my neighbors,” Tom droned.
- “I’m the world’s best blacksmith!” Tom bellowed.
- “My Ferris wheel is starting to rust,” Tom said ironically.
- “I’m unable to fly,” Tom said knowingly.
- “I used to be an admiral,” Tom said fleetingly.
- “We’re playing catch in the wheatfields,” Tom said wryly.
- “Say when,” Olive Garden Tom said gratefully.
- “I have some food caught in my throat,” said Tom, half ingest.
- “This situation smells fishy,” Tom said coyly.
- “I’ll tidy up the leaves in your yard,” Tom offered rakishly.
- I’ve started worshipping a statue” said Tom, idly.
- “Sadly, women just don’t seem to find me attractive,” Tom said broadly.
- “My therapist told me to slow and try to enjoy life more,” Tom explained cathartically.
- “I can’t find my dog,” Tom said, Spotlessly.
Recommended: Silly Jokes
- “Don’t light those fireworks!” Tom exploded.
- “The electricity is flowing again”, Tom said recurrently
- “The worms have eaten my brain,” Tom said absentmindedly.
- “I’ve been run over!” Tom said flatly.
- “Even though we ‘broke up’, she’s still my woman!” Tom exclaimed.
- “I can’t stop speaking,” Tom said regularly.
- “I’m doing 100mph,” Tom said quickly.
- “I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
- “I stick out much further than everyone else,” Tom said proudly.
- “I’m free falling,” Tom said pettily.
- “I just stumbled on to the answer for Life, the Universe, and Everything!” Tom exclaimed fortuitously.
- “What does interrogation mean?” Tom questioned.
- “The dog star is my favorite heavenly body,” Tom said Siriusly.
- “I would walk 500 miles!” Tom proclaimed.
- “I always arrive a few minutes late,” Tom said fashionably.
- “Never use water on an oil fire” said Tom, flamboyantly.
- “That’s an electric fence!” Tom said shockingly.
- “I can see a lot of crows,” Tom said with murder in his eyes.
- “I think that lady has gone about as high as she’ll ever go”, Tom said, misspeaking.
- “This is the outfit I wear for commercials,” Tom said in his address.
Recommended: Chuck Norris Jokes
- “There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” said Tom facetiously.
- “I take joy in the triumphs of my parishioners,” said Tom vicariously.
- “Finally, they’ve removed me as a source from that article,” said Tom, feeling excited.
- “That’s why Tom isn’t allowed in church anymore”, Tom’s ex communicated.
- “I hate being stuck in a Paris traffic jam,” said Tom, ruefully.
- “I’m taking advantage of the morning hours,” Tom said amusingly
- “Table for sixteen, please,” said Tom, without any reservations.
- “Let’s watch Star Wars!” Tom said forcefully.
- “She would never answer her phone the first time, you always had to hang up once,” Tom recalled.
- “Hemingway is my favorite author,” Tom said earnestly.
- “I’m not too good with an axe,” Tom said offhandedly.
- “I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.
- “I wonder where the ancient Greeks got their inspiration from,” Tom mused.
- “I’m only eight, but tomorrow’s my birthday”, said Tom, benignly.
- “Did no one expect us?” asked the Spaniard, inquisitively.
- “I love hanging out with lions,” Tom said with pride.
- “That bloodsucking parasite is gone,” Tom said, ticked off.
- “I can’t believe I’m completely enclosed by this long lock of hair,” said Tom, in distress.
- “I never should have answered the door in my teddy,” said Tom, negligently.
- “I named my aircraft after the god of the Sun,” Tom said apologetically.
Recommended: Mexican Word of the Day Jokes
- “I hate this weather,” said Tom anticlimactically.
- “Now I have TWO duck feathers,” Tom doubled down.
- “Both medics look pretty ill,” Tom said paradoxically.
- “I bought a parakeet yesterday,” Tom chirped.
- “I only have diamonds, clubs, and spades,” Tom said heartlessly.
- “I brought my own chocolate,” Tom snickered.
- “I have some food caught in my throat,” said Tom, half ingest.
- “I’m seven, but my birthday is coming up soon,” Tom said, alternating.
- “Buh-dum-TISS!” said Tom symbolically.
- “I’m going to open a window, it’s getting stuffy in here,” said Tom summarily.
- “Two plus five is seven,” added Tom.
- “I was voted best karate instructor!” said Tom with great sensation.
- “I manufacture kitchen work surfaces,” said Tom counterproductively.
- “Stand still so that I can take the picture,” Tom snapped.
- “Maybe if I rub this lamp something good will happen”, Tom said ingeniously.
- “It looks like I’ll probably be acquitted,” Tom said without conviction.
- “What are your plans for this roast chicken?” said Tom, trying to keep abreast.
- “Why won’t these pieces fit together?” asked Tom, puzzled.
- “A magician just cut me in half,” Tom said half-heartedly.
- “I love to swim in Africa’s longest river!” said Tom, in denial.
Recommended: Best Jokes
- “What’s with all the excitement around the beehive?” Tom buzzed.
- “These scissors won’t cut,” said Tom snippily.
- “I need this package delivered immediately!” Tom expressed.
- “These lines keep intersecting,” Tom said crossly.
- “Where’s the water?” Tom asked dryly.
- “I will call my invention ‘the light bulb!’ ” Tom said brightly.
- “I’ll dig another ditch around the castle,” Tom said remotely.
- “I live in America,” Tom stated.
- “This tastes terrible,” Tom said bitterly.
- “I just stepped in some poison ivy!” Tom said, itching to go home.
- “That campfire is blazing!” Tom said warmly.
- “I’m really good at protecting things,” Tom said defensively.
- “I thought there were 50 cookies in this jar,” Tom recounted.
- “I like your bells,” Tom chimed.
- “I’m empty inside,” Tom said hollowly.
- “I wish I’d never come to the North Pole,” Tom said coldly.
- “This hike is quite slow,” Tom said sluggishly.
- “My power went out,” Tom said darkly.
- “Being a wolf is awesome,” Tom howled.
- “I really have to go,” Tom ran on.
Recommended: Funny Jokes
- “The night sky is beautiful,” Tom said starry-eyed.
- “Don’t ask me why I was at the mausoleum,” Tom said cryptically.
- “What other toppings should I put on my hot dog?” Tom asked with relish.
- “Pass the damn shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.
- “I think I am sick,” Tom said feverishly.
- “I’d like my money back, and then some,” said Tom with interest.
- “I flunked my math exam,” Tom said testily.
- “There’s no more room in the hay barn,” said Tom balefully.
- “I feel so average,” Tom said meanly.
- “I decided to come back to the group,” Tom rejoined.
- “I’ll win this tennis game if I get one more point, ” Tom deduced.
- “I’m wearing a watch around my wrist,” said Tom with abandon.
- “I command my own private army,” said Tom maliciously.
- “It made the grass wet,” said Tom after due consideration.
- “I can’t believe I ate the whole pineapple!” Tom said dolefully.
- “Let’s trap that sick bird,” Tom said illegally.
- “No, you prefer living in the astral plane,” Tom projected.
- “I wrote the book on that subject,” said Tom authoritatively.
- “Those bullets can’t hurt me,” said Tom blankly.
- “I find panda food confusing,” said Tom, bamboozled.
Recommended: Short Jokes
- “Now no-one can detect my halitosis,” said Tom breathlessly.
- “I am NOT full of hot air,” Tom belched.
- “Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t…,” said Tom carelessly.
- “Boy, that sure took the wind out of my sails!” said Tom disgustedly.
- “Oh no, it’ll soon be June,” Tom said in dismay.
- “I climbed Mount Everest,” said Tom hilariously.
- “It’s my maid’s night off,” said Tom helplessly.
- “I always pray to Lord Jesus,” said Tom loyally.
- “My Optimus Prime figurine is as good as new!” said Tom, transfixed.
- “Maybe I should stop using worms to catch fish… or maybe not,” Tom debated.
Do you have a funny Tom Swifty Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
“I joined the Chess Club,” said Tom in a bored tone.
The doctor had to remove my left ventricle, Tom said half-heartedly.
“I’d love some Chinese food,” said Tom wantonly.