Wales is a small country with big charm, full of green hills, ancient castles, and a language that can make even the most confident tourist sweat while reading road signs. The Welsh are proud of their history, their singing voices, and their ability to fit twenty letters into a single word without breaking a sweat. This love for language and culture is part of what makes Welsh Jokes so much fun, they carry a flavor that’s all their own.
Welsh jokes often draw on the country’s mix of extra-long city names and sheep that seem to outnumber people. These two stars of Welsh humor make for playful punchlines, turning local quirks into laughs that travel far beyond the hills of Wales.
Best Welsh Jokes
What is the most popular bank in Wales?
Welsh Fargo…
A sheep in North Wales just broke the world record for the quietest sheep noise.
But to be fair, it was a pretty low baa.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
They’re scared of Wales.
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through the Welsh town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, Anglesey on it’s way to Rhosllannerchrugog in Wrexham, when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then skids down the road and hits a car from Llanfihangel Tre’r Beirdd, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction. A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei. The emergency operator asks the bystander, “What happened?”
He replies, “It’s hard to say.”
A cowboy emigrated to Wales and opened a ranch at Gorsafawddacha’idraigodanheddogleddollônpenrhynareurdraethceredigion.
Unfortunately, none of his cattle survived the branding.
What’s Aquaman’s favorite country in Europe?
Wales.
Two fat ladies walk into a bar.
They order drinks in a thick accent.
“You two ladies from Ireland?” asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies, “Wales!”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” says the bartender, “Are you two whales from Ireland?”
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How do Welsh farmers practice safe s*x?
Spray a red ‘X’ on the back of ones that kick.
How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?
Caerphilly.
A Welsh man goes for an eye test.
Doctor: “Can you read this chart from top to bottom please.”
Welshman: “Read it!? I know the guy!”
Why was the Welsh Mafia stopped so easily?
As soon as they were put into a lineup, everyone sang.
An English man, Welsh man, and an Indian man walk are in a maternity hospital.
The doctor tells them theres been a mix up and doesn’t know who’s baby is who’s. The Englishman runs in and grabs the only brown baby and starts to walk out.
The Indian man looks really confused and says, “I’m pretty sure that’s not your baby, it looks Indian, so it’s mine”.
The English man says, “I know, but there’s not a chance in hell I’m leaving here with a baby that could be Welsh.”
Did you know the first condoms were invented by the Welsh out of sheep’s intestines?
The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.
The Welsh language…
…was invented by someone losing at Scrabble.
What did the submarine captain say when he no longer wanted to employ people who lived on Welsh hills and were creepy around children?
Fire the torpedoes!
A Welshman, a Scot, and an Englishman are walking when they come across a lantern and a genie pops out and grants them one wish each.
The Scot says, “I am a sheep herder, like my father before me. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms.”
Whoosh, and so it was.
The Englishman was amazed and says, “I want a wall around England to keep those damned Scots and Welsh out.”
Bang, there was a wall around England.
The Welshman says, “Tell me more about this wall.”
The genie says, “It’s 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.”
The Welshman says, “Fill it with water.”
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Do dolphins speak Welsh?
Or is it just Wales.
My Welsh grandfather passed away yesterday.
He died peacefully in his sheep.
What did Apple call the small country they bought off the coast of Wales?
iLand.
A farmer was out tending his flock when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from a stream.
He shouted over in Welsh: “Don’t drink the water! It’s disgusting! There’s sheep poo in it!”
The man at the stream lifted his head and carried on drinking. Realising the man couldn’t hear him, the farmer moved closer and shouted the same thing in Welsh again.
But still, the man couldn’t hear him.
Finally, the farmer walked right up to him and repeated his warning. To which the man replied: “Dreadfully sorry, my good man, I can’t understand a word you say. Can you speak English, old chap?”
“Oh, I see,” said the farmer. “I was just saying if you use both hands you can get more in.”
How does a Welshman find a sheep in talk grass?
Irresistible.
Where do underwater creatures go to live?
Wales.
One day, a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.
All the other men in the bar looked at him, and the bartender asked, “You’re not from around here, are you, lad?”
“No,” replied the man, “I’m from London.”
“So, boyo,” said the bartender, “What do you do for a living then?”
“I’m a taxidermist.” Replied the man.
“A taxidermist?” asked the barman, “What’s one of them do?”
“Well,” replied the man, “I mount animals.”
The bartender then turned to all the other Welshmen in the bar and said, “It’s o.k., lads, he’s one of us!”
I asked my Welsh friend how many s*xual partners he’d had.
He started counting but he fell asleep.
Why do the Welsh wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear zippers from a mile away.
An Englishman, a Welshman, and a Pakistani man were sitting in the waiting room of the maternity ward at the local hospital.
A nurse comes out and says to the men, “I’m sorry, but there’s been a mix-up and we don’t know which baby belongs to which mother. Any chance one of you could come in and see if you can help?”
The Englishman stands up and says that he’ll help. He walks into the ward and, a couple of minutes later, walks out with what is obviously a Pakistani baby. The Pakistani man stands up and shouts, “What do you think you’re doing?!”
And the Englishman said, “Look, one of those babies in there is Welsh, and I’m not taking any chances.”
Just found out that Sir Anthony Hopkins is Welsh.
Certainly explains why he wanted all those lambs to keep quiet.
Why do so many Welsh people have insomnia?
Every time they start counting sheep they have to stop for a wank.
A man is hiking through the Welsh mountains with his pet newt when he comes across a pub. He enters the pub and sees that there is a sign that says dogs are allowed in.
“Can I bring my pet newt inside?” The man asks the bartender.
“Hmm, I suppose so.” The bartender says, slightly sceptical.
The man leaves and enters again with the biggest newt the bartender had ever seen. It was almost a meter long and the bartender was shocked silent.
“This is my newt: Tiny.” The man tells the bartender.
“Tiny? But it’s massive!” The bartender says in shock.
“He’s called Tiny because he’s my newt.”
I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.
I had no idea how to pronounce her name.
What’s the Welsh word for shearing a sheep?
Forepl@y.
A Welsh father is hitchhiking with his son when he comes across a sheep with its head stuck in a fence.
The father says to the son, “Watch this,” and proceeds to undo his zipper and then makes love to the sheep. When he is finished, he steps away from the sheep and says to his son, “Your turn, son.”
The son sighs before sticking his head through the fence.
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Why are Welsh farmers no good at producing animals?
They only rear sheep.
We were driving through the Welsh countryside when my little girl said…
“Look at that strange animal daddy, man at the back, sheep at the front.”
A journalist wants to write an article about the life of Welsh farmers…
When he finds one, amidst the questions he asks: “What was the best day of your life?”
The farmer answers:” One day we lost a sheep. We looked everywhere, and when we finally found her, we wanted to celebrate, so we f*cked her!”.
The journalist is taken aback; he can’t really write that in his article, so he thanks the farmer and moves on to the next one.
After the usual questions, he comes again to the “best day of your life” question, but the second farmer’s answer is remarkably similar to the first one’s, and he can’t really write about finding lost sheep and shagging them in his article, so he asks a third farmer.
The third farmer answers the same thing, and so does the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth, and so on. The journalist explodes and says:” That’s it, I’m done with losing and f*cking sheep, I need another question for my piece and I’m gonna get it!”
So he walks up to another farmer, plants his feet down, looks him in the eyes and asks, “What was the WORST day of your life?”
The farmer recoils for a moment, his eyes get teary, and, in a whisper, he starts,
“I got lost…”
Did you know that Wales has never had a #1 hit song?
Rather awkward if you ask me but understandable as it would be called a “Welsh hit”
What do the Welsh call safe s*x?
Spray painting the sheep that bite.
An Eskimo pulls up to an intersection with a flat tire.
A Welsh guy pulls up next to him and says, “Hey, I think you’ve blown a seal!”
To which the Eskimo replies, “So what? You shag sheep.”
What do the Welsh call a sheep when it’s tied to a lamp post?
The leisure centre.
How do Welsh farmers find their sheep in the long grass?
Delightful!
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On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyll they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said, “Burrr… gurrr… King.”
What do you call a Welshman with more than 5 sheep?
A pimp.
Any person who illegally exports sheep is called an Owler.
Unless they’re from Wales. Then they’re just called a s*x trafficker.
What is the best-selling s*x toy in all of Wales?
A pair of velcro gloves.
Do you have a funny Welsh Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
My girlfriend asked me if I was having an affair with a woman from llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllatysiliogogogoch.
I said, “How can you say such a thing!”