Christmas 2025 has arrived with brighter lights, louder sweaters, and enough cookies to make Santa rethink his diet plan. The world feels a little faster, yet this time of year still hits the pause button on chaos. Homes sparkle, carols echo through shopping malls, and people rediscover their love for glittery wrapping paper that somehow never tears where you want it to. And when everyone is done pretending they know how to untangle fairy lights, there is only one thing that brings everyone together, Christmas jokes.
The laughter begins when families gather around with cocoa and roast turkey, ready to exchange gifts and puns in equal measure. Christmas jokes have become the new festive glue, sticking everyone together through awkward selfies and slightly burnt puddings. They keep the holiday mood alive long after the wrapping paper has been cleared and the Wi-Fi starts buffering during family movies. Because if anything truly defines the spirit of Christmas 2025, it is laughing at the chaos and at each other just a little more.

Best Christmas Jokes of 2025

Where do Stormtroopers do their Christmas shopping?
At the store next to Target.

Why should you always eat eggs Benedict on disposable plates at Christmas time?
Because there’s no plate like foam for the hollandaise.

A kid writes Santa and asks if his elves can build a really tall tree house.
Santa writes back and says, “No, we’re too short-staffed.”

Wife: “I should not have gotten you that blender for Christmas.”
Husband: sipping toast “Why?”

Did you hear about the golfer who played on Christmas Day and hit a birdie?
It was a partridge on a par 3!

Oh no, Santa’s been hacked!
He shouldn’t have accepted all those cookies.

What is orange, fizzy and comes down the chimney at Christmas?
Fanta Claus.

Why shouldn’t you sign contracts during Christmas?
There’s usually a hidden CLAUSE.

Why did Frosty the Snowman go to the South Pole for Christmas?
To visit his Aunt Arctica!

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Mariah Carey wakes up Christmas morning and runs downstairs to her tree.
Underneath the tree is a single present. She unwraps the box to find a rolled-up piece of paper inside. She rolls the paper open to find the deed for an unused piece of business property in New York City. As she read it over, she exclaimed, “I don’t want a lot for Christmas!”

Why did all the letters of the Alphabet get coal, except for E?
Cause they were all on the “Not-E” list.

What do you call a person that isn’t sure Christmas exists?
Eggnogstic.

Yo mama so old when she read A Christmas Carol, the ghosts were still alive.

Got a gift basket from my psychiatrist for Christmas…
It arrived shrink wrapped.

What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
“But I don’t like Brussels sprouts!”

Why didn’t the elf get in the elevator with Santa?
He had claustraphobia.

Santa’s nephew, Nikki, was diagnosed with intestinal cancer and required surgery to remove it. Unfortunately, the surgery wouldn’t be covered by Nikki’s insurance.
Santa told Nikki, “Never fear — just get yourself to the ho-ho-hospital and I’ll take care of things.” Santa filled out the insurance forms and claimed Nikki as his own son.
A couple of months after the surgery, a representative of the insurance company contacted Santa and said that after a careful review of the claim, it was going to be rejected due to a grammatical error.
Santa didn’t completely understand the explanation, but at least got that it had something to do with a semi-colon in a dependent Claus.

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What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs?
Michael Googlé…

What’s the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie?
One glitters, the other glows.

It’s a bit rough sometimes, flying presents for Santa.
Yule log a lot of hours.

What Christmas carol do they sing in the Psychiatric Hospital?
Do you hear what I hear…

Why don’t Christmas trees knit?
Because they always drop their needles!

Alright, who is this girl named “Christmas”?
And why are people telling me to marry her?!

Do you know how Santa is able to deliver gifts to everyone on Earth in a single night?
He is omni-presents.

It was Christmas, and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the defendant.
“What exactly is it you’re charged with?” he asked.
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s not an offense,” said the judge.
“How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened.”

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Why were the poor Baker’s kids sad on Christmas?
The only food they had to eat was stollen.

Why did the rope get coal from Santa on Christmas?
Because the rope was on the Knotty List!

What do you call a Christmas herb buyer?
A consume-myrrh.

How did Henry the brown nosed reindeer get his name?
He would ride behind Rudolph but couldn’t stop as quick.

What does Santa teach his helpers?
Elfabet.

What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A pineapple.

What is the schizophrenic’s favorite Christmas Carol?
“Do you hear what I hear?”

The chess club’s annual Christmas party at the Hilton hotel has been canceled this year, due to the behavior of last year’s guests.
Apparently, lots of members were hanging around the front desk and loudly bragging about past victories and their awesome strategies.
It seems the hotel manager absolutely hates chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

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Satan: “I’m getting annoyed now.”
God: “Why?”
Satan: “I keep getting Christmas wish lists from dyslexic children.”

Remember to put out your milk and cookies tonight, in celebration of Christmas Eve in 2025. Or as the Jehovah’s Witnesses call it:
Thursday.

How much does it cost to run Santa’s sleigh?
Eight bucks.

Last December, a woman caught her husband in bed with the Ghost of Christmas Past. She screamed, “What the hell is going on?!”
He said, “Babe, relax…I’m just trying to get into the holiday spirit.”

How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
25, there’s noel.

“Bill! Come on, Bill, I don’t have any butter! Do you hear me?!”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“Get dressed and go to the store!”
“But I don’t know where the butter is in the store…”
“You go in, opposite the checkout there are fridges. The first has milk, the second has butter. Go!”
Bill got up, got dressed, and went to the store. He walked past the checkouts, went to the fridge, took out the butter, and went to pay.
At the register stood a super-hot chick. Bill chatted with her a bit, joked around, and unexpectedly she invited him over. They went to her place and, well… they had a little fun. Naturally, three seconds later, like a classic alpha male, Bill fell asleep.
He wakes up and sees it’s just before 8:00 p.m. He jumps out of bed and panics, yelling to the girl:
“Do you have any flour?!”
“Yeah.”
“Then bring it quick and sprinkle it on my hands!”
Confused, she brings the flour and dusts his hands. Then Bill runs out of the apartment.
Back home, an angry wife opens the door:
“Bill, where have you been?! The whole family came, we had dinner without butter and without you. Where were you?!”
“Darling, I owe you an explanation. So, I went to the store, grabbed the butter from the fridge, and went to pay. At the checkout was this super-hot chick. We chatted a bit, joked around, and she invited me over. So… we fooled around a little. I woke up and rushed back home.”
The wife listened quietly, then said impatiently:
“Show me your hands!”
Bill showed his hands covered in flour. And the wife said:
“Bullsh*t, Bill. You were bowling again!”

Why does eggnog only come out around Christmas?
Because it takes all year to milk the eggs

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Wife asked her husband, “Do you really hate all Christmas movies?”
Husband replied, “No. I love Love Actually actually.”

Why is Pride month like Christmas?
They are both times to don our gay apparel.

Which playwright was afraid of Christmas?
Noel Coward.

How do you laugh at Christmas jokes in 2025?
Ho ho ho.

How does Santa clean his hands?
With Santatiser.

What do you call a Reindeer’s ghost?
A Cari-boo.

When the gingerbread man broke his leg, what did the doctor tell him to do?
Try icing it.

Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
BeyonSleigh!

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My “difficult” to please wife announced that she expected to find something shiny and new, made mostly of steel, able to go from 0-300 in under ten seconds, with a BIG red bow in our driveway on Christmas morning…
Apparently a new bathroom scale is NOT what she meant.

Why does Kanye like to go driving on Christmas?
All of the lights.

I traveled to the North Pole to look for Santa Claus.
Yule never believe what happened next!

Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal!

What do you call an angry candy cane?
A Christmas Ornery-mint!

Did you hear Mrs. Claus got Santa a new refrigerator for Christmas?
His face lights up every time he opens it….

Little Timmy and his old man were out buying a Christmas tree when Timmy said…
“Are you going to put that up yourself, Dad?”
His Dad replied, “No, I’m going to put it up in the lounge room, Timmy.”

What’s the similarity between heroin addicts’ Christmas trees?
Both leave a trail of needles.

Where does Santa keep his suit?
In the Clause-it.

What is father Christmas’ wife’s name?
Mary Christmas.

On Christmas morning, a man was enjoying opening presents with his family, but every time he opened one, he checked to be sure that everything was there.
“Cool, 4 steak knives. 1, 2, 3 and 4!”
“A dozen wrenches? 1, 2, 3, 4….10, 11 and 12! Awesome!”
“Four wine glasses, neat. 1, 2, 3 and one more makes 4.”
This continued for some time and his family was growing increasingly annoyed with him. Yet he continued on.
“Fifty fishing lures, oh my. 1, 2, 3, 4…”
Finally, God yelled, “Adam! It was one rib, and it was years ago. Let it go!”

What’s the best Christmas music?
Last minute Chopin.

Did you hear about the Christmas tree that became an officer in the army?
He was highly decorated.

What was Beethoven’s favorite Christmas song?
Fur-Elise Navidad!

Where is Snoop Dogg at the Christmas party?
Under the Mizzle-toe!

How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.

What did the soccer announcer who made the naughty list get from Santa Claus?
COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

The funniest face looked out at me from a window on Christmas Eve,
From a silver ball on the Christmas Tree,
At first, I thought it was Santa’s Elf,
But I looked again, and it was just myself.

What is Santa’s favorite part of his house?
The clauset.

Why did Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer fail high school?
He went down in history.

What’s the best thing about Alzheimer’s?
You can wrap your own Christmas presents.

Santa asked Mrs. Claus, “What’s that sound on the roof?”
“It’s rain, dear.”

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Rudolph was so excited to work his first Christmas, he spent all week getting his suit of armor ready. Polishing it daily, checking for chinks, and oiling his chainmail.
Christmas Eve rolled around, and out of the shed clunked Rudolph, sword in hoof and nose alight.
The other reindeer were confused and asked Rudolph why he was wearing a suit of armor. Rudolph proudly said that he was ready, so excited for his first Christmas, and that he couldn’t wait to slay the dragon!
Blitzen looked at Comet smugly and said, “We’re not slaying a dragon, Rudolph. We’re dragging a sleigh!”

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?
Deep pan, crisp and even

Why did all the deer seek shelter during the storm?
Cause they weren’t reindeer.

This is ridiculous! It is 26th December and we’re 364 days away from Christmas.
And people already have their lights up on their house.

Do you have a new Christmas Joke for 2025? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!