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What are your Russell Brand jokes amid sexual assault allegations?
Cops investigating Russell Brand for crimes against comedy & acting.
Cops investigating Russell Brand for crimes against comedy & acting.
See lessWhat is the 'Dave knows everyone' joke?
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fRead more
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
See lessTired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Biden,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Biden spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the f*ck is that on the balcony with Dave?'”
What are the most common lies that men tell women?
I'm 6'3" and 215 pounds.
I’m 6’3″ and 215 pounds.
See lessWhat is your best Cunning Linguist joke?
What did the cunning linguist say to the angry german? Why so sour, Kraut?
What did the cunning linguist say to the angry german?
See lessWhy so sour, Kraut?
What is the 'Prince Albert in a can' joke?
Good job to whoever named it a 'Prince Albert'. It has a nice ring to it.
Good job to whoever named it a ‘Prince Albert’.
See lessIt has a nice ring to it.
How does a taco say grace?
"Lettuce pray!"
“Lettuce pray!”
See lessWhy did the tamale go to the hospital?
Por que tamalito.
Por que tamalito.
See lessWhat vegetable is cool but not that cool?
Radish.
Radish.
See lessWhat do you call a man without a shovel?
Douglass.
Douglass.
See lessWhat do you call an illegally parked frog?
Towed.
Towed.
See less