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How much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice.
Enough to break the ice.
See lessWhy do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
To keep their ankles warm.
See lessWhat does PhD stand for?
Patiently hoping for a Degree.
Patiently hoping for a Degree.
See lessWhat is Jimmy Carr's most offensive joke?
How do you make a gay f*ck a woman? Shit in her c*nt.
How do you make a gay f*ck a woman?
See lessShit in her c*nt.
What did the brown cow say to the brown chicken?
Brown chicken brown cow.
Brown chicken brown cow.
See lessWhen is the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty!
Tooth-hurty!
See lessWhat's the best thing about Switzerland?
The flag is a big plus.
The flag is a big plus.
See lessWhat is Norm Macdonald's moth joke?
A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?” The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t evenRead more
A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”
See lessThe moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good.
And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”
And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.”
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
To cover their butt quacks!
See lessWhat does CVS stand for?
Come Visit Satan.
Come Visit Satan.
See less