Adam and Eve were the first two people, according to many old stories, and they started off living in a garden where everything was perfect until they ate the one fruit they were told not to. That one snack got them kicked out, made clothes a thing, and turned gardening into hard work. It sounds serious, but the way their story unfolds has led to a whole bunch of funny thoughts and situations. That’s why Adam and Eve jokes have become a popular way to add humor to one of the oldest stories in the world.
In the world of Adam and Eve jokes, nothing is off-limits, talking snakes, sudden fig leaf fashion, and awkward conversations with God all somehow turn into hilarious moments. These jokes play around with what might have happened in those first awkward days of being human, when even saying “hello” was probably new. With just two people and a whole world to mess up, the funny situations are endless.

Best Adam And Eve Jokes

Do you know the oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve?
It was an apple, with very limited memory, one byte and everything crashed!

Why do Adam and Eve use Android?
Because Eve violated the apple terms and conditions.

Why did God create Adam before he created Eve?
So no one would tell him how to make Adam.

What made Adam and Eve’s marriage perfect?
He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about his Mom’s cooking.

Did Adam and Eve have a date together?
No, they had an apple.

What’s the opposite of Adam?
Subtractam.

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”
So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys, then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”
His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

It’s never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution.
You’re just comparing apples and origins.

When did Adam & Eve discover God didn’t like gambling?
When he took away their pair a dice.

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If Adam had an Adam’s apple, what did Eve have?
A huge pear.

Three nuns die and go to Heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they’re quite easy.
“Who was the first woman?” He says to the first nun.
“Eve.” The gates swing open and she walks in.
“Where did Eve live?” He says to the second nun.
“The Garden of Eden.” The gates swing open once more.
“Now, seeing as you’re the Mother Superior, you must answer a more difficult question, what was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?” St. Peter says to the third nun.
“Oh, that’s a hard one…”
The gates swing open.

Adam and Eve were still the only people on earth. One day, Adam went out but forgot his key, and he knocked on the door of their house.
Eve replied, “Who’s there?”

Who was the world’s first carpenter?
Eve, because she made Adam’s banana stand.

Why was Eve mad at her husband?
For Adam good reason!

One day, God asked Adam how things were going with Eve.
God: “How are things going with Eve?”
Adam: “Pretty good, I guess.”
God: “You seem to be holding back. Do you have any questions?”
Adam: “Well, why did you make her so much more beautiful than me?”
God: “So you would enjoy looking at her.”
Adam: “And why did you make her skin so much softer than mine?”
God: “So you would enjoy touching her.”
Adam: “And why did you make her smell so much better than me?”
God: “So you would want to be around her all the time. You see, Adam, I made Eve just for you, to make you happy.”
Adam: “Then why did you make her so stupid?”
God: “Well, Adam, if I had made her any smarter, she never would have slept with a guy like you.”

What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas?
“It’s Christmas, Eve.”

God asks Adam, “Where is Eve?”
Adam says, “She’s at the river washing her pu$$y.”
God says, “Damn you, Adam. I’m never gonna be able to get that smell off the fishes again…”

What if Adam and Eve were Chinese?
Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

A woman who is constantly embarrassed by her husband falling asleep in church goes to the priest to ask for help.
The priest says, “Look, love, if he falls asleep again, poke him with this hat pin. I’ll nod to you as a signal to poke him.”. The woman agrees to the plan.
So Sunday rolls around, and sure enough, good old Mr. Jones nods off again. The priest notices and asks, “Who is our savior?” Then nods to Mrs. Jones. She pokes her husband, and he wakes up and shouts, “Jesus Christ!”.
The priest, pretending to be impressed, says, “Very good!”.
A full three minutes later, Mr. Jones is asleep again. The priest again notices and asks, “What is the name of Jesus’ father?” before nodding at Mrs. Jones again. She pokes her husband, who screams, “GOD!” at the top of his lungs.
The priest again congratulates Mr. Jones on his alertness and continues with the sermon. However, during the sermon, he begins nodding enthusiastically, which Mrs. Jones mistakes for a poking signal.
The priest then says, “And what did Eve say to Adam after she gave him his 99th child?” The priest nods. The mistaken Mrs. Jones pokes her husband, and he shouts, “If you poke that fucking thing into me one more time, I’ll snap it in half and shove it up your a$$!”

What did Adam say to Eve when he got his very first erection?
“Stand back….. I don’t know how big this thing gets.”

Who made the first soft drink?
Adam, he made Eve’s cherry pop.

When God made Eve, Adam said, “Woah, Man!”
And so, the word Woman was made.

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Pakistani are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve…
“Look at their calm, their reserve,” says the Briton. “Surely they must be British!”
“Nonsense!” Replies the Frenchman. “They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!”
The Pakistani finally speaks, “They have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Pakistani.”

Isaac Newton, Steve Jobs, Snow White, William Tell, Adam and Eve are having dinner together in a restaurant
A waiter approaches their table and asks, “Did someone order an apple?”

Ever wonder if Adam gets jealous that Eve has all the attention around Christmas and New Year?!

If Adam & Eve each took two bites out of the apple….
They would have four-bitten fruit.

One night, Eve shook Adam awake and asked him, “Adam, are you cheating on me?”
Adam groggily replied, “No, of course not, Eve… Go back to sleep!”
About an hour later, Eve shook Adam awake again. “How do I know you aren’t cheating on me?”
Adam said, “Look, Eve, you are the only woman in the world, made by God from my very own rib. I love you, and I would never cheat on you. Now, please go back to sleep!”
Another hour passes, and suddenly Eve begins poking Adam in the chest. “EVE,” yells Adam, “What are you doing??!?!”
“Counting your ribs,” She replied.

Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage…
…he didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the food his mom made.

Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adam’s throat?
Because she was eating Adam’s apple.

God is speaking to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden
He says to Adam, “Since you were born first, you get the option. You can either pee standing up, or-“
Adam immediately interrupts and says, “Oh holy shit, I want to pee standing up. That sounds awesome.”
God says, “But… You haven’t heard the other option?”
“I don’t care. I want to pee standing up. So convenient and awesome.”
God sighs…. “Ok… Well, Eve, I guess you get multiple orgasms.”

Is it true that God made Eve from Adam’s rib?
Then, technically speaking, Eve was Adam’s side b*tch.

Was Eve the president of Eden?
No, she was the first lady.

God approaches Adam in the Garden of Eden.
God: “Adam, I have some news for you. Actually, I’ve got two bits of good news and one bit of bad news.”
Adam: “Sure, God, what are they?”
God: “The first bit of good news is that I am going to give you an organ called the brain. It is an organ that will allow you to learn more about the universe, to see its true beauty, to create wonderful things. With it, you shall truly become the ruler of Earth and reign over it wisely.”
Adam: “That sounds like a marvelous gift, God. Thank you. What’s next?”
God: “The second bit of good news is that I am going to give you another organ, called the p*nis. This is an organ that will allow you to reproduce, to make children who will spread all over the Earth. Also, that organ will be a source of great pleasure for you. Eve, likewise, will be very glad you have such an organ, and will love you all the more for it.”
Adam: “Thank you, God. That, too, sounds like an amazing gift. But… what’s the bad news?”
God: “The bad news is that the amount of blood I gave you will be insufficient to use both organs at the same time.”

Do you know why God made Adam and Eve white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man.

What time of day was Adam born?
Just a little before Eve.

Before there were Adam and Eve, there was just Adam.
Adam: “God, I’m lonely here in the garden. You gave me this place, and it’s beautiful—I appreciate it. I can hang out with the animals and talk to you, but I don’t have anything in common with either of you. I want a partner. Is there anything you can do?”
God: “Oh yeah! I can make you a partner that will be all your wildest dreams come true. This chick’s going to be flawless! She’ll laugh at all the same things as you, she’ll be happy all the time, and never complain about anything. She’ll want to do nothing all day but lie around in the shade… you know… having s*x. She’ll let you do whatever you want with her. And she’s going to be your best friend in the world.”
Adam: “Wow! That sounds incredible. How much will this cost me?”
God: “Oh, she’ll cost you a lot! She’s going to be at least an arm and a leg.”
Adam: “Oh, shit… well, what could I get for a rib?”

If there is Adam and Eve, or Adam and Steve. It only seems fair the Eve gets a turn with both…
…That would make it Eve ‘n Steven.

God boomed, “Adam, this is Eve. You are to love her forever!” Adam replied, “Okay, but who is he?”
God shrugged, “Oh, that’s Keith Richards. He was here when I got here.”

A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions.
The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”
The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”
Then, the politician spoke up. “Yes,” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

Why didn’t Adam buy Eve the new iPhone?
Because Apple have terrible customer service and their products are really expensive.

Who were the fastest runners ever?
Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

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Adam is lonely..
So God creates Eve. God orders Adam to reproduce with Eve. “How?” Adam asks. “First, you must hug and caress Eve.” Adam asks, “God, what is hugging and caressing?” And God explains.
“I liked hugging and carressing, what’s next?” Adam asks. “Next, you must kiss Eve,” God answers. “What is ‘Kiss’?” Adam asks, and God explains.
“I liked kissing Eve, what’s next?” God answers, “Next, you must lie with Eve and make love to her.” Adam asks, “What is making love?” And so God explains.
The next day, Adam asks in a frustrated tone, “God… What is a headache?”

Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
No. They only had a fig!

What did Adam say to his wife Eve on December 31st?
“It’s New Year’s Eve!”

What did Adam say to Eve when she was feeling sleepy?
“Everest!”

Do you have a funny Adam and Eve Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!