Funny Sloth Jokes That Are Worth the Long Wait

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Jessica Amlee


In a world where speed often equals survival, a fool objects to the idea of ​​living slowly. But these beautiful animals, sloths spend most of their lives upside down, hanging so softly in trees that algae find a home on their fur. Not only does this give their coats a distinctive green hue. Their calm demeanor and constant smile captured the hearts of the internet, turning them into a sensation of choice. However, their deliberate gentleness and the humor their lifestyle brought inspired a certain sense of humor.

Sloth humor encourages us to embrace the art of patience, take our time, deliver a punch line, and enjoy making jokes. These puns celebrate animal traits like the ease of catching, the long days we enjoy, and living in stark contrast to our often busy schedules In the realm of lazy comedy it is not who gets to the punch line fast but rather the one who enjoys the journey there. And reminds us that a joke can be sweet when it’s not rushed.

Best Sloth Jokes

What did Sloth say when he found gold?

What is a sloth’s favorite form of exercise?
Running late.

What kind of exercise do sloths do?

Yo mama so slow, she got lapped by a sloth.

How do you call a series of killings committed by a sloth?

What’s the favorite song of sloths?
“Don’t Hurry, Be Happy!”

Why do they not eat sloths in the United States?
Because it’s not a fast food.

What do you call a slot machine that spins really slow?
A sloth machine.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
Both hang from the tree.

If laziness was an Olympic sport.
Sloths would come in fourth so they wouldn’t have to crawl up to the podium.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
The interrupting sloth.
(The interrupting sloth who?)

Why are sloths so fascinating?
You’ll almost always find one InTreeResting.

What is the name of Jay-Z’s pet sloth?

What do you call an intelligent sloth?
Slo-mo sapiens.

Yo mama so lazy, her patronus is a sloth.

People shouldn’t look down on sloths.
C’mon, they haven’t done anything!

How did the sloth become President of the tree?
He slept his way to the top.

Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open?
Because when it comes to energy they’re conservative.

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approaches him and beats him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant’s office.
“What happened to you? the officer asks. “A gang of snails beat me up,” Herman replied. “Can you describe what they looked like?”
“I don’t know,” the sloth says. “It all happened so fast.”

What do you call a slow sloth?
A sloth.

Ever heard the one about the sloth crossing the road?
Ah never mind, it’d take too long.

What did the Tortoise say when she was dating the Sloth?
“Let’s taake it sloooooow.”

Didn’t you watch that GIF of a sloth for 5 minutes yesterday?
It was just an image.

What did the sloth wear to the swimming pool?
His speedo.

What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band?
The Slowclimbers.

A lion, a zebra, and a sloth walk into a gym.
The personal trainer approaches them and asks, “What are your fitness goals?” The lion replies, “I want to improve my speed and agility for hunting.” The zebra says, “I’d like to work on my endurance to outrun predators.”
The sloth sighs, “I just need to learn to hang in there!”

What did the one sloth say to the other sloth?
No idea. He hasn’t gotten to the punchline yet.

Did you hear that Sloths never kiss on the first date?
They take it slow.

A sloth walks into a bar.
The bartender says you better order soon. The last call is in 3 hours.

What is a three toed sloth’s favorite kind of chip?

A sloth walks into a bar.
When he gets to the counter, he tells the bartender, “I’ll take… a club soda.”
The bartender says, “Whats with the long paws?”

If animals could talk, who would be the best listener?
A sloth, he couldn’t get a word in.

How does a sloth survive in the wild?

What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds.

A sloth goes to a bar to get drunk.
After a long time and many drinks, the bartender asks the sloth why he is there.
The sloth replies, “I’m depressed, my wife is leaving me. I bet she’s already halfway through the kitchen.”

What’s the problem with Sloth jokes?
They are okay but they have a really slow build up.

Why did the sloth cross the road?
Can’t say cause it hasn’t finished yet.

Why did the sloth get kicked off the team?
He only showed up for the slowdown!

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Sloth who?)
Sloooooooth-ing to tell you… take your time, I’ll wait!

Why did the sloth get a job at the computer store?
He was great at pressing the pause button!

Why are sloths so good at giving handjobs?
They aren’t in a hurry.

Why did the sloth break up with the cheetah?
She was always in a hurry!

What did the sloth order at the fast-food restaurant?
A salad with extra slow dressing.

Why did the sloth bring a pillow to the party?
Just in case he felt like taking a nap!

How did the sloth feel after drinking coffee?
Still sleepy.

Why don’t sloths make good detectives?
Because they always hang around the same spot!

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What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
They both like to hang from trees.

What do you call a gay sloth?

A sloth got robbed by three turtles.
When the cops asked him what happened the sloth said, “It. all. happened. so. fast.”

What is a sloth’s favorite sex position?
The slow poke.

What’s a sloth’s favorite part of watching p*rn?

Did you get g*norrhea from a sloth?
slow clap

What did the suicidal guy say to the sloth?
“How’s it hangin?”

Do you have a funny sloth joke? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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