Birds have a way of acting like tiny drama stars with feathers, hopping around like they own the place and staring at humans as if judging their life choices. In one small park tale, a bird strutted along the bench, stole crumbs, and flew off proudly, leaving everyone confused and impressed. Birds are clever, noisy, and full of attitude, and their daily behavior feels like a story that keeps building toward a punchline, and that is where the laughs begin.
The laughs begin when those same bird moments turn into bird jokes that people share like little stories. In the same park tale, the bird became the main character as everyone added playful thoughts and light humor to its bold behavior. Bird jokes grow from these simple scenes, shaping everyday bird life into funny storytelling that feels natural, easy, and full of smiles.
Best Bird Jokes
What’s heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
A hummingbird.
No single bird can defeat me.
But Toucan.
What’s the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is just a sick bird.
TIL that seagulls were gods third attempt at creating birds.
The A-gull and B-gull weren’t quite right…
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
God: creates worm Hey there little buddy!
Worm: Thanks for the “worm” welcome
God: creates birds
What do you call a bird that’s afraid of heights?
A chicken.
A Norweigan robot analyzed a bird.
It scandinavian.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
A parrot.
(A parrot who?)
A parrot who?
(Okay, now I get it!)
How do you know that birds are spies?
Because they are always in de skies.
Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs?
In a communest.
What do you call a bird that hits the gym?
A jacked sparrow!
Why don’t vultures check bags when they fly?
They’re strictly carrion birds.
What do you call a bird that delivers babies in an iron suit?
Tony Stork.
Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu.
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it’s been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.
By analysing this paint residue, it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by cars.
Ornithological Behaviourists wondered if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills. They quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Lorry”.
There are so many tornadoes in Oklahoma…
That the state bird is lawn furniture.
What’s the difference between a crow and a raven?
Well, the long, straight feathers on the bird’s tail are called pinions. A crow has 12, a raven 13.
So the difference between a row and a raven is a matter of a pinion.
What is the strongest bird?
A crane.
If a group of fish is called a school, what do you call a group of birds?
A high school.
What do you call two birds stuck together?
Velcrows.
A man walks into a vet’s with his bird and says, “Is my bird dead?”
Vet looks over the bird and says, “Yep, your bird is dead.”
The man, distraught, begs for a second opinion.
Vet shrugs and says, “Sure. If you insist.”
The vet brings in a cat. The cat smells the dead bird and turns its nose up at it. The veterinarian says, “Your bird is definitely dead. That will be $2,050.”
The man says, “$2,050? That’s ridiculous. Why was this so expensive?”
The vet responds, “$50 for the vet visit and $2,000 for the cat scan.”
Why do people say ‘tuna fish sandwich’?
No one ever says ‘chicken bird sandwich’!!
What do you call a flying nun?
A bird? A plane?
Nope, nun of the above.
It’s so hot out today,
I seen a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.
What did the bird say to the price tag?
“Cheep!”
A crow was arrested and put behind bars.
His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him. “How bad is it?” The crow asked.
“Pretty bad.” The lawyer bird replied. “They had a warrant to go through your phone.”
“So what?” The crow said. “I’ve got nothing to hide.”
“They found the texts to your friends.” The lawyer bird said.
“So now it’s a crime to ask my fellow crows to hang?” The crow exclaimed. “They were all to busy anyway.”
“You’re lucky they were.” The lawyer bird replied, “They’ve got you on attempted murder!”
What do you call it when a bird moves things with it’s mind?
Pelikinesis.
Although my parents were both zookeepers, I grew up confusing “aviary” and “apiary”.
They never got around to teaching me about the birds and the bees.
What do you call a bird with four eyes?
Biiiird.
A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.
It’s the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
What’s the difference between the USA and a bird?
On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.
A man goes into a circus tent, finds the ringmaster, and asks to join the circus.
“What’s your act?” asks the ringmaster.
“I do bird imitations,” says the man.
“Forget about it!” says the ringmaster. “No-one comes to the circus to see bird imitations.”
“Fair enough,” says the man, and flies out of the tent.
When does a joke become a bird joke?
When it’s a parrot.
Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…
They’ve left no tern unstoned…
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Ammonia.
(Ammonia who?)
Ammonia a bird in a gilded cage.
Why do birds sing in the mornings?
Because they don’t have to go to work.
We have just got a bird of prey that will only move at night to 80s music…
Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.
What is the national bird of Pakistan?
An American drone.
A little bird was dying in a cold, snowy field.
A cow was passing by and dropped some dung on it. The dung wormed the bird, and it felt nice and warm, so the bird started to sing with joy. A passing cat heard the singing of the bird. The cat found the bird and got it out of the dung. Then it ate the bird.
The moral of the story: Not everyone who shits on you is your foe, not everyone who gets you out from the shit is your friend, and if you’re in deep shit, you better shut your mouth.
What did the geometry class say when their pet bird flew out the window?
“Polly gone.”
Penguins produce an oil that helps their feathers retain heat. So you see…
….. the oily bird gets the warm!
What do you call a bird concerned with the ‘R’ sound in the words ‘bird’, ‘word’, and ‘concerned’?
Rhoticity chicken.
Which bird is the most painful?
The ow!
What book do Mexican students read in English class?
Tequila mocking bird.
The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.
Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.
And that’s where we get the term Inca-hoots.
Why do birds fly south?
Because for them it’s easier than walking.
What’s the cure for bird flu?
Murder most fowl.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Earl.
(Earl who?)
Early bird gets the worm.
Birds fly in a V. Do you know why one side is longer than the other?
Because there’s more birds on that side.
What kind of bird fixes stuff?
A repair-a-keet.
Did you hear about the bird that broke into a house?
It was a robin.
What’s the most famous bird prison?
Owlcatraz.
How do you catch a unique bird?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame bird?
Tame way, unique up on it.
Recommended: Parrot Jokes
What do you call a bird that drinks too much?
An Owlcoholic.
Do you know what kind of bird originates from Portugal?
Portu-geese.
What do you call a depressed bird?
A blue jay.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Hoo.
(Hoo who?)
Are you a owl?
Heard about the ability to move sea birds with your mind?
Pelicanesis.
What coffee do birds drink?
Starducks.
Did you hear about that large flightless bird that was excluded from societal norms?
Apparently it was ostrich sized.
What do you call a 12-sided platonic solid that loosely resembles an extinct flightless bird?
A dododecahedron.
What’s the most childish bird?
Mockingbird!
What’s the saddest bird?
Bluebird!
Recommended: Owl Jokes
Which bird can’t fly in a straight line?
A tern.
What did the fish say when the bird swooped down?
“DUCK!!”
Yo mama’s breath so bad, when she belches birds fall out of the sky.
Do you know why it’s considered lucky when a bird poops on you?
Lucky that cows don’t fly.
What is the difference between a bird and a fly?
A Bird can Fly, but a Fly cannot Bird.
A pirate walks into a bar, and noticing that the pirate looks different than usual, the bartender asks him, “What’s up?”
“Nothing much,” says the pirate.
“But your leg! What happened to it?” asks the bartender.
“Ah, just a mishap while boarding a ship, when I slipped, and it got eaten by a shark,” explained the pirate.
“But your hand! You’ve got a hook, where did the hand go?” persists the bartender.
“I lost it in a heated swordfight”, says the pirate casually.
“What about the eyepatch?” asks the curious bartender.
Chuckling, the pirate replies, “Believe it or not, when I was cleaning the deck, a bird pooped right in my eye.”
The bartender is puzzled. “How do you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye?”
“Well,” says the pirate, “It was my first day with the hook.”
A chicken, a penguin, and an ostrich walked into a bar…
And the rest of the birds laughed.
What do you call a possessed bird?
A polter-goose.
What do you call a hawk that goes to church?
A bird of pray.
Recommended: Penguin Jokes
Why did the bird work on his bench press?
He wanted bigger Pecks!
What would you call Batman if he were a bird?
Goose Wayne.
Birds aren’t very reliable.
They’re always winging it.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Seagull.
(Seagull who?)
Seagull over there she wants to see you.
Why did the policeman think it was ok to enter a residence when he thought he heard bird calls inside?
Probable caws.
Why are birds always cussing?
They can’t help it, fowl language is all they know.
How does a bird make money online?
By being an e-girl.
What happens after you give a bird an X-ray?
You scanned-an-avian.
What do you call a movie that provides a factual record of a swimming bird?
A duckumentary.
Recommended: Duck Jokes
Have you heard of that bird turning heads?
It’s an owl. What a hoot!
What are an athlete’s favorite birds?
Parakleets.
What do you call a room full of black birds?
Crow-ded.
What’s a bird’s favorite kind of music?
Or-chestral.
What’s a bird’s favorite kind of nut?
Owlmonds.
Why do birds fly instead of swim?
If they swam they would drown.
What kind of bird doesn’t need haircuts?
A bald eagle!
What do you call a bird shaped like a parabola?
A U-Crane.
Recommended: Peacock Jokes
What do you call a retired bird?
A Pigeoner.
What do you call a multilingual bird?
Duolingo.
Which is the smartest bird in the class?
The vale-duck-torian!
What do you call a bird who steals soap?
A robber ducky.
Why did the birds attack the dog?
Because he was pure bread.
Do you have a Bird joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
My friend keeps trying to annoy me by using bird puns…
But I soon realised that toucan play at that game.