With a face as creased as a well-used leather sofa, snorts echoing the deep sounds of a tuba, and a consistent look of gentle skepticism – the Bulldog is an amusing bundle of contradictions. But, be not misled by its stern appearance. Originally bred for bull-baiting in England, Bulldogs today are known more for their gentle demeanor and lovable, laid-back personality than their ferocious ancestry. These four-legged comedians are masters of the slow burn, packing their peculiar charm into every snuffle and snore. Believe it or not, their knack for humor goes way beyond unintentional physical comedy. Get ready, as we’re about to plunge into the uproarious realm of bulldog dogs.
From witty puns about their legendary snoring to playful jabs at their dubious physical prowess, these jests are akin to a perfectly timed soul-soothing belly scratch. So, pick up a chew toy, prepare for some drool-filled chuckles, and let’s honor the one breed capable of inducing laughter while craftily claiming your preferred spot on the sofa.
Best Bull Dog Jokes
What kind of dog do you get when you mix a Terrier with a bulldog?
A Terribull dog.
What do you get when you mix a bulldog and a Shih Tzu?
The worst smoothie you would ever had and arrested, apparently.
Pit bulls are the dog breed that most value higher education.
A lot of them go after their masters.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Ken.
(Ken who?)
Ken you walk the bulldog for me?
What’s the difference between a hot dog and a pit bull?
A pit bull bites the hand that feeds it, while a hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
What’s the worst thing about having a french bulldog as a pet?
They oui oui, everywhere they go.
What did the Bulldog do to find relief when he was hot?
He jumped in a poodle.
Yo mama has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
What did the French bulldog call its favorite meal?
Chomps-Elysees.
A guy was drinking beers one day at his house when he heard some banging on the roof.
He walked outside, saw a gorilla on the roof, said, “Nope, f*ck that,” and went back inside to watch TV. A while later, he saw an ad on TV for gorilla removal, promising “in and out in 30 minutes.” The guy called the number, and about 20 minutes later, he heard a knock at his door. He went to the door and walked out to the guy’s truck. The gorilla remover then pulled out a ladder, a baseball bat, a bulldog trained to bite nuts, and a gun. The homeowner asked, “What do you need all those tools for?” The professional replied, “Well, I’m going to throw this ladder against your house, climb up it with the baseball bat, and beat the gorilla down. When the gorilla falls, the dog is going to bite its nuts, making it incapacitated.” The homeowner replied, “That’s pretty smart, but what do you need that gun for?”
The professional said, “In case that gorilla knocks me off the house, you shoot that dog.”
These pregnant bulldogs are always stumbling around,
B*tches be trippin.
Three dogs are walking down the street when they spot an enticing female poodle. The German Shepherd, English Bulldog, and the Mexican Chihuahua approach the poodle to win her over.
The poodle decides to make a game of it, and tells them, “I will go with whichever one of you can best use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a sentence.”
The German Shepherd quickly says, “I love liver and cheese,” to which the poodle disapprovingly shakes her head. The Bulldog thinks and follows up with, “I HATE liver and cheese,” which also gets a disapproving look from the poodle.
The chihuahua winks at the poodle, then turns to the German Shepherd and Bulldog to say, “Liver alone, cheese mine.”
What do you call a bulldog who’s a great artist?
Pablo Paw-casso!
The American Kennel Club has recognized new dog breeds.
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter. Great for Christmas.
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer. Smells like a fresh mountain dog.
Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabrador. Won’t stop barking.
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere. A dog that’s true til the end.
Terrier + Bulldog = Terrible. Not a very good dog.
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso. Easy to transport.
Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Pekaso. A rather abstract dog.
Malamute + Pointer = Moot point. Never mind.
Bulldog + Shitzu = … you can figure this one out.
What do you call a family of Bulldogs?
A puddle party!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money.
He asks, “What is the jar for?” The bartender replies, “That is a challenge jar.” “What’s that?” the guy asks. “The challenge is, you get two tasks. First, there’s a grandma on the third floor of this house who hasn’t had a man in 40 years. You will need to pleasure her. The second task is that there’s a bulldog outside with a broken tooth. You have to rip the tooth out. If you complete them, you get the money. If not, you have to put in three bucks. Wanna try?” “Sure, why not,” the guy replies.
So, he gets ready and goes outside to take the tooth out. The guy is drunk at this point, so he would have an easier job doing it. He goes out, closes the door, and starts working. The bartender hears sounds of fighting for a while, ending with a dog’s whine.
The guy opens the door, his clothes ripped and blood on his hand, and asks, “Now… where is the grandma with the broken tooth?”
Recommended: Funny Dachshund Jokes
Why did the Bulldog win the “Best Nose” award?
He could smell a treat through a brick wall… and then promptly fall asleep before finding it.
Wanda’s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my bulldog. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”
What’s the difference between a Bulldog and a marshmallow?
A marshmallow eventually gets up off the couch.
When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally, the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up you stupid, ugly bird!”
To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”
What’s a Bulldog’s favorite sport?
Napping. And they’re undefeated champions!
Son: Dad, what does a v*gina look like?
Dad: Well, that depends on whether it is before sex or after sex.
Son: Ok, what does it look like before sex?
Dad: Like a beautiful lily, blushing and moist with morning dew.
Son: Wow, that sounds great! What does it look like after sex?
Dad: Have you ever seen a bulldog eat a bowl of mayonnaise?
What does a french bulldog have after a small breakfast?
Un petit poo.
A woman walked into a pet store.
After greeting the store owner, she strolled through the aisles, browsing through the various pets they had on sale. A bulldog with a 50% discount sticker plastered on the kennel containing it caught her eye. She beckoned the shop owner over.
“How much do you want for this little guy?” she asked, pointing at the dog.
The shop owner takes one look at the dog and shakes his head. “You don’t want him.”
“Why not?” scoffed the woman.
“He’s dirty,” replied the shop owner.
“What do you mean?” asked the woman.
“He’s dirty-minded. Perverted. Likes women a little too much, if you know what I mean.”
“Well, then, he’s perfect!” says the woman excitedly. “My boyfriend and I just broke up a week ago and I’ve been kind of lonely ever since!”
The woman pays for the dog, loads him in the backseat of her car and takes him home. She finds a spot in her bedroom for his kennel.
Later that evening, the woman comes into the bedroom and puts the dog on her bed. She takes off her clothes, gets in the bed, and lays there with her legs open. The dog, of course, does absolutely nothing. She eventually gets frustrated and puts the dog back in his kennel before going to bed.
The next day, the woman calls the pet store and angrily demands a refund.
“What’s wrong?” asked the shop owner.
“You f*cking lied to me about that dog! I got naked and laid in bed in front of him last night and he didn’t do a godd*mn thing!”
“There must be something wrong with him,” replied the shop owner. “Hang on; my brother is a vet. I’ll have him come over and look at your dog. He’s known that dog ever since he was a puppy.”
The vet arrives at the woman’s place and the woman proceeds to show him the dog. She takes the dog out and puts him on the bed.
“I’m telling you, all he did was sit there-I did every provocative gesture I could think to do.”
The vet gets a wild look in his eyes, and he looks at the dog and says “Now, I’m going to show you this one more time, then you’re on your own.”
Where do Frenchies park their cars?
The BARKING LOT!
A man takes his cross-eyed bulldog to the vet. The vet examines him, looking in his eyes, ears, and mouth. He picks up the dog and checks his legs and belly. Finally, the vet says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“Because he’s cross-eyed?” asks the man.
“No, because he’s really heavy,” replies the vet.
What kind of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Two guys were at a University of Georgia football game when one of them looks down at the Georgia Bulldog sidelines and sees Uga, the school mascot, licking himself like dogs like to do. The guy smiles, leans over to his buddy while pointing at Uga and says, “Man, I wish I could do that”. His friend looks back at him in surprise and says, “Man, that dog would bite you!”
Why do Frenchies run in circles?
Cause it’s too hard to run in squares!
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC when he suddenly saw a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He ran over and started fighting with the dog. He succeeded in killing the dog and saving the girl’s life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walked over and said, “You are a hero. Tomorrow you can read in all the newspapers: ‘Brave New Yorker saves the life of a little girl.'”
The man said, “But I am not a New Yorker!”
“Oh, then it will say in the newspapers tomorrow morning: ‘Brave American saves life of little girl,'” the policeman replied.
“But I am not even an American!” said the man.
“Oh, what are you then?” the policeman asked.
The man replied, “I am a Saudi.”
The next day the newspapers said: “Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.”
A man asked his colleague if she had any bulldog clips.
She said, “No, but I’ve got a nice video of a Jack Russell.”
What kind of animal has five legs?
A pit bull returning from a playground.
Do you have a funny joke about Bulldog? Write down the puns in the comment section below!
Can someone help train my French bulldog he keeps going oui oui!