50 Funny Cyber Security Jokes to Decrypt Your Laughter

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Jessica Amlee


In the digital age, where our lives are intertwined with the World Wide Web, Cyber Security stands as the knight in shining armor, protecting our data from lurking villains. It’s all about creating barriers against malicious forces, ensuring that hackers don’t turn your smart fridge into a cold-hearted spy or that your self-driving car doesn’t decide to detach from the dark web. Cyber Security encompasses a range of practices, tools, and technologies designed to shield networks, devices, programs, and, most importantly, data from theft, damage, or unauthorized access. It’s the silent guardian of our online universe, perpetually on the lookout, ensuring that our digital footprints don’t lead unwanted guests back to our doorsteps.

Now, as serious and robust as the world of cybersecurity may seem, it’s also fertile ground for some hysterical jokes and puns. Why? There’s something inherently funny about picturing hackers as mischievous gremlins or imagining your firewall as a bouncer who refuses entry to malware because they’re not on the guest list. Cyber Security jokes are the perfect blend of techy nerdiness and witty banter. They offer a light-hearted take on an otherwise intense domain, reminding us that while the cyber realm has risks, it also has a generous sprinkling of humor. Have you ever heard the one about the computer that went to art school? It wanted to learn how to draw a better firewall! It’s this kind of geeky chuckle that makes the vast world of 1s and 0s a little more human.

Best Cyber Security Jokes

Did you hear about the cyber criminal who got away?
They ransomware.

Where do cyber security technicians go when they die?

What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other?
Cyber boolean.

What happens when a cyber security specialist sends you a joke?
Just couldn’t decipher it.

Did you hear about the German military’s new Cyber Force?
It’s called the Softwehr.

Yo mama so fat, when you download a picture of her at work, the IT department thinks they’re under a DDoS attack.

What’s the difference between our IT support and a cyber attack?
One of them has the incentive to succeed.

Why is Cybersecurity like an Onion?
There’s layers, and at some point you start to cry.

What do you call it when data goes on a difficult car journey?
A hard drive.

What are a CISO’s two biggest cybersecurity fears?
Everyone who works at the company and everyone who doesn’t.

Why are the women the best firewalls in the world?
One human cell contains 75MB of genetic information.
One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.
One ml of s*men contains 100 million sperms.
On average, ej*culation lasts for 5s and contains 2.25ml of s*men.
This means that the throughput of a man’s member is equal to (37.5MB x 100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875 Тerabyte/sec
This means that the female eggcell withstands this DDoS attack at 1.5 terabyte per second, and only lets through one(!) data package, thereby being the best freaking hardware firewall in the world!
The downside of it is that this small data package that it lets through hangs the system for the whole of 9 months!

Why did the computer go to a cyber cafe?
Because it needed a byte to eat.

Why are cybersec people so lonely?
They are afraid of attachments.

Where do people go to get drinks in cyber space?
A space bar.

What’s a TV show hacker’s favorite kind of cyber attack?
A DDOL – Direct Denial of Logic

Did you know that security are the pigeons of IT?
They fly in, shit on everything, then fly away.

Did you hear that the FBI is using dogs to solve cyber-crime?
They’re using highly-trained Dox-shund Hounds!

Why did the cyber-attacker quit his job?
He just couldn’t hack it.

What did the moderator say to kick off the IT speed dating session?
“Singles, sign on!”

What do Vikings use to encrypt their messages?
Norse code.

What did the SOC analyst wear to the masquerade ball?
A subnet mask.

What do you call a cyber-bullying alligator on social media?
An Insta-gator.

MySpace got hit by a DDOS attack.
More than 8 users were disconnected.

What is a hacker’s favorite type of pants?
Data breaches.

How do you kill a troll?
With a firewall spell.

What do you call a VPN that isn’t private?
A proxymoron.

How does a Cyber Analyst relax?
They go phishing.

Why does the Vatican Buy Encryption Software?
To hide all their .pdf files.

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Which encryption is Superman incapable of cracking?

What do masons do about cyber bullies?
They block them.

Do you know the worst part about getting a VPN?
Hot, local singles no longer seem to want to meet you.

What is the name of an airport that uses weak cryptography?
Plane text.

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

Why did Princess Leia encrypt the message she gave to R2D2?
She didn’t want anyone to in-vader privacy.

Which breakfast is the favorite of a security analyst?

What do you get when you cross an Austrian city with cyber protection software?

What is the best deodorant to use on your computer to achieve maximum cyber hygiene?
Shhh it’s a secret.

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Why is it hard to read the hieroglyphs inside the pyramids?
They are encrypted.

What do you call a Chinese VPN?
Ip Man.

What did the funeral director do with Alan Turing’s dead body?
He encrypted it.

What do you call a gay data administrator?
A Query.

Each sperm contains 37.5 MB of information. A broken condom is therefore a data breach.
Better get and NDA from the other party.

Did you hear the story about the cyber-suicide bomber?
Blew up all over the internet.

Do you have a funny Cyber Security joke? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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