Funny Identity Theft Jokes That Are Illegal to Read

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Jessica Amlee

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Identity theft is that sneaky villain in the digital world, lurking in the back of screens and waiting to leap on any piece of private data it can get its sneaky digital arms on. Think of it like someone trying to wear your life as a fancy dress, except it’s now not Halloween, and they’re definitely not giving it back at the end of the night. They sneak into your virtual closet, attempt for your financial information, and strut around the internet making purchases, commencing bills, and typically having a blast—all to your name. It’s as if you’ve been given an evil twin out there, racking up an invoice and ruining your correct call, and you’re left keeping the bag. And simply whilst you idea it could not get any greater “twisted,” alongside come Identity theft jokes to add a pinch of humor to the mixture.

Now, you may marvel, “How can there probably be something humorous about identity theft?” Well, let’s simply say that humor unearths its way even into the most sudden locations. Identity theft jokes sneak up on you, kind of like their namesake, turning the tables at the thieves with amusement. These jokes play on the absurdity of someone else trying to be you so badly they go against the law for it. It’s like, “Congratulations, you’ve got stolen my identity! Enjoy my maxed-out credit score playing cards and that subscription to ‘People Magazine’ I forgot to cancel.” These jokes function as a little reminder that on occasion, you’ve got to laugh to keep from crying, particularly when facing the weird reality of getting a mysterious doppelganger out there dwelling it up for your dime.

Best Identity Theft Jokes

Remember when we were kids, our mothers told us that we could be anyone we wanted to be?
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

A month ago, someone stole my identity.
Last week he mailed my license and social security card back, along with a five dollar bill.

Did you hear about the person who had no pronouns?
They were a victim of gender identity theft.

What’s an identity thief’s favorite game?
Guess Who!

What do you call it when someone hacks your bank account and performs a transaction that leaves you with exactly as much money as you had before?
Identity theft.

What do you call an identity thief with a moral compass?

Mickey Mouse was arrested for identity theft.
He was charged with being Goofy.

Did you hear about the Italian who committed identity theft?
Police say he was an impasta.

How did the identity thief enter the party?
He just assumed someone else’s identity and RSVP’d.

Did you know that Euler had a protegee who tried to claim he’d been the one who discovered e^i*pi + 1 = 0?
He was arrested for attempting identity theft.

An identity thief and a r*pist get convicted in a poor town. The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the r*pist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kicks the identity thief in the nuts and says, “Hey! You can’t do that!” The girl asks, “Why not?”
And the cop says, “Because this is the punchline.”

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What do you call an identity thief?
No clue.

Did you hear about the man wife’s whose identity was stolen?
But they’re spending less money, so he’s gonna let it ride!

Why don’t identity thieves ever get lost?
Because they can always find someone else to be!

What’s an identity thief’s favorite holiday?
Halloween, because they’re used to pretending to be someone else!

Why do identity thieves hate calculus?
Because they prefer to deal with identities, not derivatives!

A nosy identity thief is the absolute worst.
He has that annoying habit of making other people’s lives his own.

Hi, I’m an identity thief
My pronouns are you/yours

What is currently the greatest crime in China?
Identity theft.

How can one avoid identity theft?
Have a 350 credit score.

Why are older Israelis more prone to Identity Theft?
They still use Netanyahu.

“You can be whoever you want to be!”
Instructions unclear. Currently serving time for identity theft.

Did you guys hear about identity theft?
Sharon is Karen!

Do you have a funny joke about Identity Theft? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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