Thanksgiving is quite often the first opportunity for new couples to meet each other’s families. It’s a sort of trial run before you decide to bring them home for the upcoming major holidays and/or buy them a Christmas present.
Thanksgiving, whether you like it or not, forces singles to map out and revisit some of our earliest intimate moments. It’s time to gather on the couch where you first gave or received your first job. It’s time to take a quiet drive around town, mentally noting all the locations where you had secret car physical intimacy in high school.
It’s that time of year when everyone couples up to avoid being single over the holidays and hopefully into the cold winter months when you can’t be bothered to go out on dates and just want an excuse to cuddle up on the couch and order takeout every weekend until May. We’ve graciously curated this collection of dirty Thanksgiving jokes that are sexy and funny to help you get into the stimulated spirit this holiday. After all, the best part of Thanksgiving is the stuffing. Are you still not convinced? Then you can take a look at some of the dirty Thanksgiving memes. Till then, continue scrolling.
Adult Thanksgiving Jokes
Which is the only day that there are more searches for ‘stuffing’ on Google than on PHub?
Thanksgiving.
Two IT workers get married.
At Thanksgiving, their family asks them, “When are you going to have children?”
The couple said, “Don’t worry, we are working on it.
Next Thanksgiving, the couple still don’t have children and their family asks, “Is there a problem? I thought you were planning to have children?”
The Coupledeclared, “Ticket closed; unable to reproduce.”
What do you get when you cross a Turkey and a rooster?
A c*ck gobbler!
Why was the dyslexic woman upset on Thanksgiving day?
She went to New York City and stood outside the YMCA waiting for the parade.
Why are Political opinions just like d*cks?
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
What did the r*dnecks do for Thanksgiving?
Pump kin pie.
What if the Pilgrims had shot a bobcat instead of a turkey?
We’d all be eating pu**y on Thanksgiving.
Why can’t Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?
Because they’re both roasted.
Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby?
You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with d*rk meat.
What’s Marcy’s favorite part of Thanksgiving?
Eating Peppermint Patty.
What is a funny pickup line for Thanksgiving?
“If your upper lip is Christmas and your lower lip is thanksgiving can I come visit any time in between?”
Two Alabama men are having a conversation.
“Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you’ve slept with,” the first man says to the second. “I don’t have to imagine,” says the second man, “I do that every Thanksgiving.”
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For the past 15 years, Bob and Martha have been married. Bob used to wake up every morning for the past 15 years, fart loudly and proudly, roll onto his back, and got out of bed to go to work.
And every morning for the past 15 years, Martha has told him, “One of these days, you’re going to fart your guts out!”
But this has had no effect on Bob, who has gone about his morning routine as usual.
Martha is fed up with this, and one Thanksgiving morning, when she awoke early to get things ready, she had a prank idea while preparing the turkey.
She crept upstairs before Bob got up and stuffed the turkey innards into his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.
Bob awoke later that morning with glee and went through his usual morning ritual.
As Bob jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom, Martha heard a scream.
She laughed to herself, but when Bob didn’t come out of the bathroom for a long time, she became concerned.
So she dashed upstairs and was about to knock on the bathroom door when Bob opened it and emerged, as pale as a ghost.
He said, “You were right, honey, you were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again.”
What’s the worst part of a family thanksgiving in Alabama?
The s*xual tension.
What do natives call Thanksgiving?
Natives call it the calm before the holoc*ust.
Why is Thanksgiving in an apartment a problem?
Cause all the wives can’t fit in the kitchen.
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During Thanksgiving dinner, the youngest daughter, Sadie asks, “Daddy could you pass the salt?”
Then her Father, Uncle, Grandpa, Brother, Sister, Mother, Father’s work friend, and the Dog, all reach for the salt.
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a turkey tattooed on her right thigh, just above her bikini line. She also requests that he write “Happy Thanksgiving” beneath the turkey. So the guy does it, and it turns out really well. The woman then tells him to put a Santa Clause with the words “Merry Christmas” on her left thigh. So the guy does it, and it also looks good.
As the woman gets ready to leave, the tattoo artist asks, “If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had such unusual tattoos on your thighs?”
She says, “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”
Normal girls: Happy Thanksgiving!
H**kers: Thanks for giving!
What is Hitler’s favorite part of Thanksgiving?
The roast.
Do Native Americans celebrate Thanksgiving?
They did… once.
Why are there cops at malls on the day after Thanksgiving?
Because the Friday is Bl*ck.
On Thanksgiving Day, a young boy learns his first swear words. He’s sent outside to play after irritating his mother. He overhears his neighbors arguing in the yard: “You b**ch!” “You b**tard!” He runs back inside, stunned, and asks his mother, “Mama, mama! What is the difference between a b**ch and a b**tard?”
She stammers, flushed “Well, b**ch is a fancy term for a lady, and the b**tard is a fancy term for a gentleman. Now hurry upstairs and inform your sister that dinner is ready.”
He dashes up to his sister’s room, where he hears strange noises coming from behind the closed door. He curiously places his ear to the keyhole and hears something “Yes! Insert your c#ck into my p#ssy!” Astounded, he rushes to his father and inquires, “Father, father! What exactly are a “c#ck” and a “p#ssy?” “Well, a c#ck is a hat, and a p#ssy is a coat,” his father explains while shaving.
“Oh!” exclaims the youngster. “I wish I had a nice p#ssy to use as a Christmas present!” He cuts himself across the cheek after being taken aback by his son’s use of his new vocabulary. “Sh*t!”
“Daddy? What exactly is ‘sh*t’?” asked the kid.
“I use a brand of shaving cream called ‘sh*t.’ Why don’t you see if your mother requires any help in the kitchen?”
The boy, perplexed but overjoyed at having learned so much in a single day, dashes downstairs, ready to impress his mother with his knowledge. “Momma!”
She cuts herself across the hand, surprised. “F*CK!”
“What is ‘f*ck,’ Mom?”
“Well, sweetie, ‘f*ck’ is a unique way of carving the turkey to ensure that everyone gets a slice.”
The doorbell rings at that precise moment.
“That must be your grandparents; please answer the door while I bandage this.”
The boy dashes to the front door and flings it open, revealing his grandparents on the front stoop. He greets his guests without hesitation, “Good afternoon b**ches and b**tards! May I take your c#cks and p#ssies? It’s just me right now. My father is upstairs wiping sh*t off his face and mother is in the kitchen f#cking the turkey!”
What happened when a Chinese family’s dog ran away at the night?
Thanksgiving was ruined.
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What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?
Ra’men.
What is OJ Simpson’s favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving. He gets to carve the white meat.
Heard about the kid who was never found and only last seen playing hide and seek on Thanksgiving night?
He missed that extra Turkey his family found in their oven.
Due to the fact that they had six children, an old bloke used to refer to his wife as the “mother of six,” which annoyed her somewhat.
“Could you bring my coffee, mother of six?” From the living room, he would yell at her.
“Is dinner ready, mother of six?” As he laughed, he would say every night, “Just to mess with her.”
She was becoming increasingly irritated with him because of this inappropriate nickname, until Thanksgiving, when the entire family was reunited at the table.
The old bloke inhaled deeply and yelled at his wife in front of everyone.
“Mother of six! Please come here.”
She walked into the room and said, “What do you want, father of 3?”
Who doesn’t get to celebrate Thanksgiving?
Orphans.
Why are women like thanksgiving turkeys?
You got to stuff their holes!
Where do Mexicans gather for Thanksgiving?
The Home Depot.
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A mother sends her son to the grocery store to buy a turkey.
She gave him $60 for a Thanksgiving turkey. When he returns with a turkey and hands her $60, she asks, “Where did you get that turkey, son?” He claims, “Momma, I won. The person with the biggest p*cker gets a turkey, according to them.” “So you took out your p*cker and displayed it in front of those people?”
“No, just enough to win.”
What do you and a turkey have in common?
You both get stuffed up the a**.
What are the similarities between turkeys and women?
Many men are only interested in their breasts.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
A 17-year-old male enters a drug store.
He says, “I’ve been invited to Thanksgiving dinner at the home of my new girlfriend. After that, I’m hoping for a lucky break, if you know what I mean.”
The clerk replies, “So, how about condoms? They could be useful. Here’s a collection.”
After paying, the young man walks to the door, pauses, smiles, and returns, saying, “You know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I’ll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky.”
When Thanksgiving arrives, the mother asks the boy to lead the family in saying grace. So the boy complies and begins to pray, and pray, and pray. After a while, the daughter leans over him and quietly says, “I had no idea you were so religious,” to which the boy responds, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Can you tell the difference between a female and a male turkey?
The male is the one with the TV remote.
A wife tells her shiftless husband to get a farm-bred turkey for Thanksgiving. He brings home a turkey, but she finds shot in it.
“I told you to get a farm-bred turkey, not a wild one!”
“That is farm-bred.”
“Well, where’d this shot come from?”
The lazy man says, “I think the farmer was aiming at me!”
Why do a pilgrim’s pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
Recommended: Thanksgiving Knock Knock Jokes
On Thanksgiving, the husband walks into his house with a turkey under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, “This is the pig I’ve been having sex with.”
His wife says, “That’s a turkey.”
The man replies, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Why don’t people in the ghetto celebrate Thanksgiving?
KFC isn’t open on holidays.
What did the aroused husband say to his wife on Thanksgiving?
“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
What did the aroused wife say to her husband on Thanksgiving?
“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
A couple was driving home from a friend’s house after Thanksgiving dinner when they struck a skunk. The wife jumped out of the car, relieved to discover the skunk was injured but alive.
She picked it up and returned it to the car, telling her husband, “We need to take it to the vet.” What should I do because I’m shivering; it must be cold?”
Her husband replied, “Put it between your legs to keep it warm.”
“But it stinks!” she said.
“So hold its nose!”
What did the pimp say to the hooker on Thanksgiving dinner?
“Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”
What did Lana Rhoades say on Thanksgiving?
“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy?
Spanksgiving.
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What holidays aren’t celebrated by bl*ck people?
Thanksgiving, Easter, and Father’s Day.
When does your brother bring his new girlfriend to dinner?
Skanksgiving.
How do you really freak someone out on Thanksgiving?
Add 2 extra turkey legs to the turkey when it’s in the oven.
How does one have a traditional Thanksgiving?
By going inviting the neighbors to dinner, m*rdering them, and taking their land.
Do you know a better dirty joke about Thanksgiving? Leave a comment with your best adult puns and one-liners.
I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys…
But it was removed because of fowl language.
I didn’t realize how r*cist my family was until I brought my bl*ck girlfriend home for Thanksgiving dinner.
My wife and kids absolutely hated her!