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125 Mexican Jokes That Will Make You Go LMAO

Funny Mexican Jokes on Juan
Best Mexican Jokes

When most people think of Mexico, they think of nachos, tacos, and the Spanish language. Funny is probably not something that comes to mind. Mexicans are humorous, and their culture revolves around spending time with family and laughing together. It’s also a civilization entrenched in centuries of tradition. Despite the challenges that the Mexican people have faced throughout the years, they have remained a happy nation that is not hesitant to crack a joke at their own expense. Because of the younger age, there are many Mexican jokes on the internet in addition to memes. They’re not hesitant to mock the culture and some of the clichés connected with being Mexican.
We should warn you that some are pretty racist actually but you can’t help it not to laugh.
Mockery and Mexican humor go hand in hand. But don’t take it personally; that’s simply their way of socializing. The tougher the mocking, the tighter the relationship. It’s straightforward, amusing, and slightly awkward.

Funny Mexican Jokes

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
Hispanic Attacks.


What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?
No Whey José.


Why do some people hate Mexican jokes?
They always cross the line.


Do you know about the phrase “Jesus loves you”?
A wonderful thing to hear in church but a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.


How do Mexicans slice their pizza?
With little caesars.


What did the Mexican fireman name his two kids?
Jose and Hose-B.


A Mexican magician has been killing it with his audience all night. For the finale, he tells the spectators that he will vanish on the count of three. “Uno, dos…” he says.
Poof … He disappears without a tres.


What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
Quatro cinco.


How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just Juan.


Did you ever hear about the Mexican train killer?
He had locomotives.


How does every Mexican joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.


What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.


What do you call a Mexican guy who’s car got stolen?
Carlos.


Why don’t Mexicans cross the river in groups of 4?
Cuatro sink-o.


What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto.


Has anyone ever had a Mexican white wine?
It’s a Pinot Gringo


Recommended: Mexican Word Of The Day


A Mexican man who didn’t speak English entered a retail shop to buy socks.
He made his way to the menswear section, where a young lady offered to assist him.
“Quiero calcetines,” said the man.
“I don’t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here,” said the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines,” said the man.
“Well, these shirts are on sale this week,” declared the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines,” repeated the man.
“I still don’t know what you’re trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack,” offered the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines,” insisted the man.
“These sweaters are top quality,” the salesgirl probed.
“No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines,” said the man.
“Our undershirts are over here,” fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
“No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines,” the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, “Eso sí que es!”
“Why didn’t you just spell it in the first place?!” yelled the salesgirl.


What is the only reason Donald Trump watches the Olympics or World Championships?
So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.


What do you call a Mexican hitchhiker?
EL Paso.


What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a white man with no girlfriend?
Cholo vs Solo.


Why do some people say, “Taco Bell isn’t real Mexican”?
It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That’s about as Mexican as it gets.


Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo?
They only had 2 vans.


Why don’t Mexicans barbecue?
The beans fall through the grill.


A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.
During the funeral, his mother walks toward the director and says, “Jesus died for your scenes.”


A billionaire tasked a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican with teaching his stubborn pet parrot to talk in two weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a huge sum of money was offered to the first person who got the parrot to talk.
Throughout the span, the Canadian played documentaries for the parrot and spent all of his time reciting the alphabet and reading stories to the parrot.
The American pampered him with the richest food, brought him all the females with whom he might mate and made every effort to spoil the parrot as much as possible.
The Mexican thrashed the parrot mercilessly every day, kept him in a dark room with no food or water, and locked him up.
When the timer expired, the billionaire arrived to discover the parrot still unable to communicate, so he asked the three trainers about their progress.
The Canadian says, “I tried everything; I devoted all of my time and energy to teaching him the alphabet and reading to him! Nothing was working.”
“I have spoilt him beyond belief, given him every luxury imaginable, and yet he won’t speak!” says the American.
At last, the Mexican says, “I have also treated him with love and luxury, attempted to teach him words day and night, and spent all of my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!”
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out, “You lying motherfucker!”


How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer?
Dos.


What is Mexicans’ favorite sport?
Cross country.


What are Mexican proteins made of?
Amigo-acids.


What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph cause he isn’t a full essay


Recommended: Short People Jokes


What do you call a female Mexican midget?
Cuntswaylow.


What’s the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?
E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.


What’s a Mexican’s favorite bookstore?
Borders.


Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas?
So they’ll have something to unwrap.


Bill Gates realized his Mexican housekeepers had left when he woke the following Monday morning.
He asked his wife Melinda where they had gone, to which she replied that Steve Jobs had arrived earlier and offered them the same job at his mansion for double their current wages.
Bill became angry and shouted in frustration, “Fucking Jobs, coming here and taking our immigrants!”


Who runs Mexican Amazon?
Jeff Pesos.


How do you keep a Mexican from stealing?
Put everything on the top shelf.


Why did the Mexican family have 20 people in their car?
Because they needed to leave room for groceries.


Why did God not have Jesus in Mexico?
He couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.


Why does nobody play Uno with Mexicans?
They always steal the green cards.


How do you know when Asians are moving into the neighborhood?
When the Mexicans start buying car insurance.


Recommended: Asian Jokes


The Canadian, American, and Mexican police, have to capture a deer that has been released into the woods
The Canadian police make a big sweep of the zone and stuff and take them 7 hours
The Americans use satellites and stuff, takes them 5 hours
The Mexicans go into the woods and 10 minutes after come with a beaten dog, when the people ask them why they bring a dog, one of the policemen looks at the dog and asks, “What are you?”
Immediately the dog starts screaming, “I’m a deer, im a deer!”


Why didn’t the Mexican archer fire his bow?
He didn’t habanero.


What do you call a Mexican space chicken?
Apollo.


What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the “No Trespassing” sign?
“It’s ok because there are only two of us.”


What’s the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?
Jesus doesn’t have any tattoos of Mexicans.


What do you call a Mexican who transitions?
Señor Rita.


Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
“How was he killed” asked one detective.
“With a golf gun,” replied the second detective.
“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”
“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan.”


When the Mexican guy forgot his ticket to the water park, the employee let him in any way.
When later asked about the reason, he said, “Typically I’m a stickler about this sort of thing. But I’m gonna let this Juan slide.”


What’s a Mexican favorite type of joke?
Juan liners.


What does Arigato mean?
A Mexican cat named Ari.


What would you call Cyborg if he was Mexican?
Cyborge.


What do you call a Mexican anime about pirates?
Juan piece.


What does a dyslexic Mexican smoke?
Tabasco.


Recommended: Dyslexic Jokes


Why Mexicans are the toughest crew in school?
They never turn in their essays.


Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the US.
Wandering aimlessly and starving, They are about to lie down and accept their death when all of a sudden Luis says, “Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk.”
“Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon.”
With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There’s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, candied bacon, Canadian bacon, and smoked bacon. In fact there is every imaginable kind of cured pork.
“Pepe, Pepe, we are saved! Issa bacon tree.”
“Luis, maybe it’s a mirage? We’re in the desert, don’t forget.”
“Pepe, since when did you ever hear of a mirage that smells like bacon… it’s no mirage, it’s a bacon tree.”
Luis staggers towards the tree as a result. He gets about 5 meters away, Pepe close following when a machine gun opens fire on them, and Luis falls like a wet sock. With his dying breath, Luis warns Pepe, who is badly wounded, “Pepe… Go back man, you were right, it’s not a bacon tree!”
“Luis, Luis mi amigo… What is it?”
“Pepe.. it’s not a bacon tree. Its…
Its..
Its..
Its..
Its a ham bush!”


What do Mexicans eat when it’s cold out?
Brrrritos.


Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants?
They give him good case ideas.


Do you know those Americans who form patrols to stop Mexicans from getting into the country?
They’re borderline racists.


What book do Mexican students read in English class?
Tequila mocking bird.


What do you call an undead Mexican?
A Zombré.


How do you get a Mexican uncle’s attention?
Tap-a-tio on the shoulder.


A Japanese guy and Mexican guy get into an argument
Things start getting really heated and the Mexican guy says, “Let’s take this outside!”
The Japanese guy says, “Let’s go, but I’ll warn you, I know Judo !!!”
The Mexican guy says, “O ya, well I know Mexican Judo.”
The Japanese guy looks confused and says, “What the hell is Mexican Judo?!?”
The Mexican guy responds, “Judo know if I have a gun or Judo know if I have a knife!”


What do you call a 70-year-old Mexican?
A señor citizen.


Why did the Mexican keep a wheel of cheddar in his truck?
In Queso emergencies.


What is Pac-Man’s favorite appetizer at Mexican restaurants?
Chips and guaca-guaca-guaca-guaca.


What do you call electrified Mexican food?
Shockamole.


What do you call a fish with no eyes?
The Mexican blind cavefish.


The dying Mexican lay on his deathbed.
He had only a few hours to live until he smelled tamales. He loved tamales beyond all other foods, especially his wife’s tamales. The sick Mexican dragged himself out of bed, across the floor, down the hall, and into the kitchen, with every ounce of energy he could muster. He noticed his wife pulling a fresh batch of tamales from the stove. His wife whacked him in the face with a wooden spoon as he reached for one of the newly prepared tamales.
“Leave them alone, Cabron, they’re for the funeral.”


What do Mexicans wear to keep warm in winter?
A fleece Navidad.


What do you call a Mexican Jedi?
A padijuan.


What do you call Mexican without a car?
Joaquin.


What do you call a Mexican that’s just got out of the hospital?
Manuel.


What do you call a Mexican boy band?
Juan Direction.


Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks “When am I going to die?”
The fortune teller replies, “You will die on a major Mexican holiday.”
Trump asks, “Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?”
The fortune teller replies, “Any day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!”


Recommended: Cinco de Mayo Jokes


What do you call a Mexican drowning in mayonnaise?
Sinko de Mayo.


What happened to the old Mexican when he moved from Houston to Santa Fe?
He became a New Mexican.


What does a Mexican cow call his friends?
Moochachos.


What does a Mexican have under his carpet?
Underlay underlay.


What’s a Mexican’s favorite cereal?
Special Que.


What’s the Mexican Netflix & Chill?
Netflix Enchilada.


A Mexican guy is found unresponsive on a highway outside Tijuana. He is rushed to the nearest hospital after local officials call an ambulance.
Unfortunately, the medics find that he has consumed a deadly amount of drugs and that nothing can be done to save him. He dies within a few minutes, and the doctor notes “1/2” as the cause of death. Curious, the nurse inquires as to what this seemingly irrelevant fraction has to do with the death of this guy.
The doctor explains, “Juan over-dos.”


What day of the week do Mexicans play D&D?
THAC0 Tuesday.


How do you get Mexican food at the beach?
You dig your feet into the sand. Then you have buried toes.


Did you hear about the Mexican guy who finished first in the marathon despite getting a late start?
He was on delay.


What question did the Mexican pig ask the other Mexican pig?
Porque.


What do you call a Mexican girl with no ass?
A flatina.


Recommended: Ass Jokes


A politician from Mexico is dining with a politician from the United States.
They are eating at the home of an American politician. A six-bedroom home with two Mercedes-Benzes in the front. There’s also a 500-square-foot garden.
The Mexican politician complimented how magnificent his house was and how he could afford it.
The American politician says, “See that road over there? It was supposed to have four lanes instead of three.”
After a few months, the Mexican leader invited the American to his home in Mexico. When the American came, he noticed the Mexican had a 30-bedroom mansion, a lush orchard, and a big garden, as well as bodyguards and a Lambo, a Mercedes, a Porsche, and a few SUVs in front.
Awe struck the American asked, “How could you afford all of this?”
To which the Mexican replied, “See that bridge there?”
Confused the American said, “What bridge?”
“Exactly,” the Mexican said.


What did the Mexican call his boat?
Sea Señor.


What do a fat chick and a brick have in common?
Eventually, they’ll both get laid by a Mexican.


Why do Mexicans make good prosecutors?
They’re great at getting around defense.


Why do pimps like to meet at Mexican restaurants?
Because they get to talk-hoes.


What do you call a group of high Mexicans?
Baked beans.


A man stepped onto a plane and took his seat. As he settled in, he noticed the most stunning woman boarding the plane. He quickly understood she was coming right towards his seat. As luck would have it, she sat down next to his.
He blurted out, eager to start a conversation. “Business or pleasure?”
She turned around, smiled, and said. “Business. “I’ll be in Boston for the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention.”
He swallowed hard. He had never seen a more beautiful woman. She was sitting next to him, and she was heading to a nymphomaniac convention!
He asked softly, struggling to keep his cool. “What is your purpose for attending this convention?”
“Lecturer “She replied. “I use facts from my personal experiences to refute some of the common misunderstandings regarding sexuality.”
“Really?” He stated. “And what kinds of myths exist?”
“Well.” She elaborated. “One common misconception is that African-American males are the most endowed of all men, but in fact, Native American Indians are the most likely to possess that trait.” Another common misconception is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, but in fact, men of Mexican descent are the best. I’ve also noticed that the lover with the most stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
The woman blushed as she became uncomfortably aware of her surroundings. “I apologise.” “I shouldn’t really be talking any of this with you,” she said. “I don’t even know what your name is.”
“Tonto.” The man said. “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba.”


What did the Mexican say when his house fell on him?
Get off me homes.


Why don’t Mexicans cross the border in threes?
The sign says no trespassing.


What did the Mexican say when he drove his Audi off the bridge?
Quattro sinko.


What do you call a Mexican woman with three boobs?
Tres Leches.


Recommended: Boob Jokes


Why do Mexicans always get hungry at family reunions?
Because they keep introducing everyone as “This is Tor Tio and this Tortilla.”


An American, a Brit, and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: “We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!”
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining “We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!”
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
“Why did you do that?!” exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. “He killed my wife.”


What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book actually has papers.


What is the difference between guacamole and Mexican courtrooms?
One is full of avocados and the other is full of abogados.


What’s a Mexican’s favorite pick up line?
Ey baby I rate you a 9/10 because I’m the Juan you need.


What should a duck do, if a mole eats his Mexican food?
Quack a Mole.


What do you call a guy with a Mexican mom and a Chinese dad who desires something?
Juan Ting.


A white guy, a black guy, and a Mexican guy are applying for the same job.
The boss reviews their resumes, realizes they are all equally qualified and is unable to pick who to hire. He decides to put them to the test.
The boss declares, “I can’t pick who gets the job because you’re all equal in every aspect. So here’s a question: whoever comes up with the best response gets the job. Feel free to share your best sentence with the words liver and cheese.”
The white dude says, “Well, golly. I like liver but I don’t like cheese.”
Boss replies, “Ok, not bad.”
Black dude says, “Aight, I like cheese, but I don’t like liver.”
Boss replies, “Well, ok, that’s not bad.”
Mexican dude says, “ Liver alone, cheese mine.”


What do you call a guy whos half Mexican, and half German?
A Beaner Schnitzel.


What is the first rule of the Mexican fight club?
You don’t taco about it.


What is a Mexican’s favorite weed?
Si weed.


What do you call a fat Mexican singer?
El Ton John.


What do you call a sad Mexican hat?
A sombero.


Jose, a young Mexican man, was curious about America and snuck across the border.
He wanted to attend a baseball game so he could tell his family about it when he got home. When he arrived, the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of a flag pole to enjoy a better view. When he got home, his family was eager to hear about his travels:
“What happened?” asked his family.
“Well, America is the nicest place in the world,” he said. “Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me, and said, “Jose, can you see?”


What do you call a Mexican born in Taipei?
Thai Juan-ese.


What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest?
Alien vs. Predator.


Yo mama’s like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.


Recommended: Yo Mama Jokes


How are Mexican and African jokes all pretty much the same?
Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.


What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.


What do you call a Mexican girl with no legs?
Consuelo.


A man is strolling through his neighborhood mall when he spots a Mexican bookstore. He goes in because he has never seen one before.
He looks around the store before asking the clerk, “Do you have the book on Donald Trump’s foreign policy with Mexico?”
The clerk replies, “Fuck you, get out, stay out!”
The man replies, “Yeah right, that’s the one.”


What caused the Mexican to push his wife off a cliff?
He wanted Tequila.


Did you hear about the nervous Spaniard?
He was always pushing the Hispanic button.


What do you call a Mexican white nationalist group?
The QueQueQue.


Why don’t more Mexicans win gold medals swimming in the Olympics?
Because all the good ones already swam out of the country!


Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed and Driver’s Ed on the same day?
They have to give the donkey a break at some point.


What do you call a Mexican craftsman?
Manuel Labor.


Have a better joke on Mexicans? Let us know your not-so-racist puns and one-liners in the comment section below.

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