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60 Black Friday Jokes For Shameless Shoppers

Black Friday Jokes on Shopping
Best Black Friday Jokes

Black Friday is the day after the American Thanksgiving holiday and the first day of the traditional Christmas shopping season. Retailers in the US offer reduced prices and things tend to get manic with crowds of consumers flooding stores.

We believe that this is an occasion worth celebrating, regardless of how or where you shop. Before you go shopping, check out these Black Friday jokes to get you in the mood while you get to the front of the line. The list is full of dad jokes and knock knock jokes on Black Friday. If you are looking for funny photos then you can head over to our collection of Black Friday memes. Enjoy!

Funny Black Friday Jokes

Do you know why Humpty Dumpty doesn’t do Black Friday?
He broke.


What did the lumberjack do on Black Friday?
He went on a chopping spree.


Yo mama so white, she couldn’t go shopping on Black Friday.


Why do cops love going to Black Friday early?
So they can beat the crowd.


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Wanda.
(Wanda who?)
Wanda wake up early and knock people over for deals?!


What do you call Black Friday with a supply shortage?
Friday.


What is Black Friday?
It’s like the day when everything is heavily discounted except jail sentences.


What if Black Friday was a girl?
It would just be a cheap date.


What do you call a pickle on Black Friday?
A dill.


Do you know the Walters twins were born on Black Friday?
Their mom got a pretty shitty two-for-one deal.


Why couldn’t the Judge throw the book at the Black Friday shoplifters?
There’d been a run on sentences.


Recommended: Shopping Jokes


Did you know that our neighbor just got an iPhone 14 for his wife on Black Friday?
He thought it was a good trade.


How do you spend a decent and civilized Black Friday?
By holding the cell phone horizontal when recording any fights.


Remember the late assignment handed out by the student on Black Friday?
Looks like his teacher is giving black Friday deals too, 50% off!


Why do they call it Black Friday?
Because the prices are so good you are practically stealing.


What do you call an amazing Black Friday special that comes with free cake?
A sweet deal.


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Lois.
(Lois who?)
Let’s go to Walmart first cause they have the Lois prices in town.


What exactly is the big deal about Black Friday?
All Fridays matter.


Did you hear about the guy who shot himself in Walmart on Black Friday?
They’re calling it a self-checkout.


Why do Mormons get married on Black Friday?
Because they get 2 for 1.


What day comes after Black Friday?
Black Sabbath.


What are some funny Retail languages for Black Friday?
“Need help finding a size?” = Please stop fucking up my display
“I can put that back for you” = you’re going to fuck up my display
“Let me hold your items for you” = So you don’t leave this somewhere and fuck up a display
“Let me go check in the back to see if we have that size in stock” = I’m going to go sit in the back and play on my phone for 5 minutes before coming back out and telling you we don’t have it.
“Just wanted to let you know we’re closing in 5 minutes, can I help you find anything?” = Get the fuck out, I want to go home and you had all day to come shopping, why did you walk in 10 minutes before we close?!


Why should people pay the electric bill first before all this spending on Black Friday?
O else next Friday will be Black Friday too.


Have you heard about the local hospital offering Black Friday specials on circumcisions?
Up to 50% off.


Recommended: Thanksgiving Knock Knock Jokes


What’s an amazing Black Friday deal?
Buy nothing and save up to 100% in every store!


If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday?
Sales at K-Mart.


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Sawyer.
(Sawyer who?)
Sawyer mom back there gettin’ a new TV.


Remember the vacuum my wife bought on Black Friday?
It sucks.


Did you hear about the man who bought an instructional boxing DVD on Cyber Monday?
This year he’s going Black Friday shopping.


Why was Black Friday at the geology museum great?
There were so many great shales.


How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?
Weasley twins are 50% off.


What did the Pot Shop have on Black Friday?
A bake sale.


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Gus.
(Gus who?)
Gus as long as we’re here, we should get two TVs!


What did Shakespeare say when Black Friday was over?
“Now is the winter of our discount.”


Need help quitting smoking this Thanksgiving?
After dinner just quit “Cold Turkey”. This way your lungs won’t be “Black Friday”.


Recommended: Thanksgiving Jokes


It’s Black Friday, and people are lining up around the block at the local Best Buy. The people in the line beat up a well-dressed man who comes to the front of the line. He attempts it again and is knocked down.
He then mutters, “If people will be like that, I’m not opening the store.”


26 December is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the US?
Black Friday.


What happens when a mall loses power?
Free Black Friday.


How do you know Arnold Schwartzenegger is waiting in line behind you on Black Friday?
Because he Jingles All The Way.


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Cindy.
(Cindy who?)
Cindy kids over there to grab toys while we grab TVs.


What do you call Hunger Games in America?
Black Friday.


Remember the kid who is going to spend a thousand dollars for a computer on Black Friday?
It’s going to be grand.


What are the similarities between Black Friday shoppers and Thanksgiving turkeys? They understand what it’s like to be stuffed into a small space.


Why the bitcoin crashes won’t be as bad as Black Friday?
At least you don’t have to worry about people who jump out of their basement windows.


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Gary.
(Gary who?)
Gary me to that gaming PC over there. My legs are tired.


How do you know which of your friends got the best Black Friday deal?
They’ll let you know.


The judge was in a good mood just after Thanksgiving.
“What are you charged with?” he asked the prisoner in the dock.
“I was doing my Christmas shopping too early,” said the prisoner.
“That’s not a crime,” the judge said. “How early did you do your shopping?”
The prisoner replied, “Before the shop opened.”


What motivates Americans to shop on Black Friday? They are grateful to have made it through Thanksgiving dinner.


What happens when Black Friday falls on Friday the 13th?
Prices get slashed!


Recommended: Friday The 13th Jokes


Why do people go shopping for clothes on Black Friday?
To replace all of the clothes they ruined by spilling Thanksgiving dinner on.


What did the horse want on Black Friday?
A Macintosh.


What do you know about Black Friday?
It is a day Americans are willing to kill over materialistic things just a day after celebrating what they’re already thankful for.


It’s Black Friday, the mall is crowded, and Jimmy can’t find his wife.
‘Excuse me, can you help me?’ says Jimmy to a very attractive woman. ” I can’t see my wife, but I know she’s somewhere in the shopping mall. Could you please talk to me for a few minutes?”
“Why?” asks the attractive woman.
Jimmy explains, “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materialises out of thin air.”


Who experienced the first Black Friday?
Robinson Crusoe.


What does a Victoria’s Secret Black Friday sale have in common with a girl about to get a spanking?
Both have panties half-off.


Why don’t hookers do Black Friday specials?
Because they usually have things half off.


Recommended: Dirty Thanksgiving Jokes


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Jake.
(Jake who?)
Jake me home now. I’m outta money.


Mary needed a new dress for the Christmas office party.
On Black Friday, she asked, “May I please try on that dress in the window?”
“Certainly not, madam,” the salesgirl replied, “you’ll have to use the fitting room just like everyone else.”


Is there a funnier dad joke about Black Friday that you can think of? Please share the puns in the comments section!

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