Sickness is like that uninvited guest who shows up, eats all your snacks, and refuses to leave. One day you’re fine, and the next you’re wrapped in blankets with a thermometer sticking out of your mouth, wondering if you’ve secretly joined a marathon in your sleep because your body feels like it ran one. It turns ordinary heroes into couch potatoes, demanding tissues, soup, and sympathy like rare treasures.
Sick jokes step in right at this point, poking fun at the very chaos sickness creates. They treat sneezes, coughs, and fevers as if they’re part of a comedy show, turning misery into laughter. Instead of sulking about aches and sniffles, sick jokes make the whole drama feel like a silly story being played out, where even the worst flu comes with a laugh track. It’s a way to laugh at the mess while you wait for your strength to return.
Best Sick Jokes
How come ants don’t get sick?
…because they have lil’ anty-bodies.
Ebola, COVID, and monkeypox walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “What is this, some kinda sick joke?”
Where does a horse go when it gets sick?
A horse-pital!
What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One is in violation of the law and the other is a sick bird.
Neil recently got sick at the airport,
His doctor says it’s a terminal illness.
How do you treat a sick chemist?
If you can’t curium and you can’t helium, you might as well barium.
Yo mama so stupid, she canceled her doctor’s appointment because she was sick.
Where do sick boats go?
….to the dock!
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Why did the sick bird get deported?
He was an ill eagle.
What does a mountain say when it’s sick?
“I’m feeling hill.”
Why did the man get sick after eating a loaf of bread?
He overdoughsed.
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, “Is my wife here?” His wife replies, “Yes, dear, I’m here, next to you.” The man goes, “Are my children here?” “Yes, Daddy, we are all here,” say the children.
“Are my other relatives also here?”
And they say, “Yes, we are all here…”
The man sits up and says, “Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?”
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and a sick joke?
One is a fit bunny, the other is a bit funny.
Just called in sick this morning on account of diarrhea.
The boss told me to get my shit together.
How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
If he’s coffin.
What do you say to a sick cookie?
“Oreo-k?”
What did the chickpea say when it got sick?
“I falafel.”
What does a sick train say?
“Achoo Achoo!”
A family takes their sick dog to the vet.
The vet picks the dog up and studies him. Finally, the vet says, “I’m really sorry, but I’m gonna have to put him down.”
“Why?” asks the shocked family. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing major”, replied the vet. “He’s just really heavy.”
The boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
The employee said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
What does a Scottish man get when he is sick?
A week off.
Yo mama so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was just Sick.
What do you call a sick model?
An Influenza.
What does Ash Ketchum call a really good sneeze?
A peak achoo!
What happens when your hands get sick?
They don’t feel well.
A priest goes to visit a sick man in the hospital.
When the priest arrives, the man begins to squirm and gesticulate. The family is scared. He makes a sign that he wants to write something. The son hands him a pen and paper. Man writes anything and dies. The priest keeps the paper in his pocket.
The other day, during the funeral, the priest remembered that the deceased had written a note and announced:
“Brothers, our friend left his last words before leaving”.
He takes the note and reads:
“You’re stepping on the oxygen hose, idiot!”
What do you call a sick bird?
An illegal.
Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it?
You’ve got the carownervirus.
What do you give to a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Did you hear about that sausage that made everyone sick to their stomach?
It was the wurst.
Who can drink 5 liters of fuel without getting sick?
Jerry can!
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks, “What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir,” replies the man.
“What treatment are you getting?”. “Five minutes with the wire brush, each day.” “What’s your ambition?” “To get back to the front, Sir.” “Good man”, says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. “What’s your problem, Soldier?” “Chronic piles, Sir”.
“What treatment are you getting?” “Five minutes with the wire brush each day.” “What’s your ambition?” “To get back to the front, Sir.” “Good man,” says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. “What’s your problem, Soldier?” “Chronic gum disease, Sir”.
“What treatment are you getting?” “Five minutes with the wire brush each day.” “What’s your ambition?”
“To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir.”
Why did Miss Piggy call in sick to work?
She had a frog in her throat!
What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon-aid.
What medicine does a snake take when it’s sick?
An anti-hiss-tamine.
How do you know when a drink is sick?
It becomes cough-y.
Why was the clock afraid it would get sick?
Because its hands were constantly touching its face.
A wealthy arab guy was very sick
And he needed a blood transplant for an operation, but he had a very rare blood type. Luckily, there was a jew guy with the same type of blood. The arab guy asked the jew, but the jew told him that he must ask a Rabbi first. The Rabbi told him that it was okay to do that. After the operation’s success, the arab gifted the Jewish guy $10000.
One year later, the arab got sick again, and the jew came and donated blood for him. After the operation, the arab gave the jew $100. Two years later, the arab went sick again, and the same jew came and helped him. The arab, this time, gave him 10$ only.
The jew was so confused, so he went to the Rabbi and asked him, “Why did the Arab give me $10000 at first and then 100$ and then 10$???”
The Rabbi said, “My child, didn’t you realise that it is your blood that is in his body now?”
How does a dartboard on the ceiling make you sick?
Causes you to throw up.
Did you hear about the virus that made all the teachers sick?
It was a staff infection.
Did you hear that the Eiffel Tower is making French people sick?
It’s a really big Paris site.
Did you know that dead people can still get sick?
It’s true! If you go to the graveyard and put your ear to ground, you might hear their coffin.
Why was the Lego man sick?
He had a BLOCKED NOSE.
How can you tell when a bucket is sick?
When it’s a little pail.
A little nine-year-old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said, “Can we leave now?”
“No,” her mother replied.
“Well, I think I have to throw up!”
“Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.”
In about two minutes, the little girl returned to her seat. “Did you throw up?” her mother asked. “Yes,” the little girl replied. “Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?”
“I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy,” the little girl replied, “They have a box next to the front door that says ‘for the sick’.”
Recommended: Cancer Jokes
How many jokes about medicine does it take before people get sick of them?
Over dos.
What does the doctor say when a sick Pokémon comes to the office?
Let me take a peek at you.
What’s the difference between a sick cow and a dead bee?
One’s a seedy beast, the other’s a bee deceased.
What country is always sick?
Braz-ill.
What is it called when a writer is sick of writing?
Authoritis!
Why do ambassadors never get sick?
Diplomatic immunity.
What is it called when you get sick from reading too much?
A textually transmitted disease.
Yo mama so contagious, COVID got sick of her.
Recommended: Diarrhea Jokes
How do you heal a sick duck?
Quackupuncture.
Why do emus hardly get sick?
Because they have great EMUne systems.
What does a car take when it’s sick?
Petrol Bismol.
This will be the first year that we have not flown to vacation in the Caribbean due to sickness in the family.
All the years before, we did not go because ofa lack of money.
Why did the little boy get sick when he saw the man with no feet?
He was lacktoes intolerant.
Why would Cinderella make people sick if she transformed into a mermaid?
She’d be Salmonella.
What do you call a cranky person who is sick at Christmas?
Ebesneezer Scrooge.
What do you call a gathering of very sick Irish people?
Leprechaun.
Why didn’t the butcher ever call out sick?
He really enjoyed feeling offal.
Recommended: Allergy Jokes
Did you hear the joke about illness and exhaustion?
I’m sick and tired of it.
Why do alcoholics not get sick?
Because they’ve had all the shots.
How much does an unwell octopus cost?
Sick Squid.
What instrument should you play if you’re sick?
A pukulele.
Do you have a funny Sick Joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
Untrained doctors make me sick.
I pulled a sickie the other day, just one of the perks of working in a hospital
I was going to be a doctor, but got sick of it
I like to call in sick to places I don’t work. Tomorrow I’m getting written up at Wal-Mart.