80 Funny Diarrhea Jokes And Puns To Get Your Sh*t Together

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Jessica Amlee

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Diarrhea is the body’s splashy, often unannounced way of dealing with unwanted guests, from bacteria to last night’s questionable street food. It’s a natural, albeit inconvenient, physiological response, turning the digestive system into a sort of Slip ‘N Slide as it hastily escorts toxins from the body. While it’s no walk in the park for those who endure it, diarrhea has somehow managed to become a staple of the comedy world. This is partly because it’s a universal experience—everyone has, at some point, had to make that frantic dash to the restroom. The humor found in these moments is a peculiar blend of empathy and schadenfreude, which perfectly sets the stage for what’s to follow: a dive into the whirlpool of diarrhea jokes.

Diarrhea jokes, in their essence, are the epitome of potty humor, a genre that has a long and storied history in the annals of comedy. These jokes flow freely in schoolyards and behind closed doors, their appeal stemming from their ability to connect us through common, if somewhat embarrassing, human experiences. They’re the comedic equivalent of a sudden stomach rumble in a silent room: unexpected, sometimes unwelcome, but undeniably human. They remind us that no matter how sophisticated we believe we are, nature has its ways of keeping us humble. It’s this shared humility that makes diarrhea jokes a guilty pleasure, a way to laugh off our discomfort and find humor in the most unlikely of places. Just like the subject they’re based on, these jokes come fast, they’re hard to ignore, and they have a certain… urgency to them.

Funny Diarrhea Jokes

Did you know that when you say the word “poop”, your mouth does the same motion as your bum hole?
The same is true for the phrase, “Explosive diarrhea.”

What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty of space.

What’s the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?
One shoots but can’t hit, the other hoots but can’t sh*t!

Did you hear that neighbor’s family doctor told the young man that his chronic diarrhea is inherited?
Runs in the family.

What did the boss say when the employee called in sick this morning on account of diarrhea?
“Get your sh*t together.”

Who said laughter is the best medicine quote?
Clearly hasn’t tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.

Did you hear about National Diarrhea Day?
Runs all day long!

What’s up with Diarrhea Awareness Week?
On Monday we start Diarrhoea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.

Did you know that Diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.

If 9/10 people suffer from diarrhea,
Does that mean that 1/10 people enjoy it?!

What’s faster: Lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because if you ran like lightning to the bathroom, and turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.

Did you hear about the kid who was dreaming about having diarrhea and then he woke up?
That’s when sh*t got real.

A little boy has diarrhea and tells his mom he needs viagra.
The mom replies, “What the hell for?”
The boy replies, “Isn’t that what you give dad when his sh*t doesn’t get hard?”

Can we stop with the diarrhea jokes?
It’s becoming a pain in the a**.

An idiot friend keeps saying to other, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”
His friend replied, “Try ordering Tacos instead, moron.”

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.

Did you know that your mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea?
She won’t find out until she unpacks her luggage.

What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?
No sh*t Sherlock.

My buddy regularly takes anti-diarrhea medications and claims that it boosts his work productivity by reducing his daily trips to the toilet.
I think he’s full of sh*t.

What’s the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and Diarrhea. Your running, but can’t remember where.

A man is in the hospital for stomach problems when he suddenly has diarrhea and sh*ts in bed.
Panicked, the man folds the poo-filled sheet and throws it out the window.
The sheet lands on a passing drunk man. The man wrestles with the sheet a little, and the excrement spills out.
Another man walks by and inquires as to what he is doing.
“Damn, you’ll never believe me,” he replies. “But I think I just beat the sh*t out of a ghost!!”

What’s it called when Herschel Walker has diarrhea?
A Georgia runoff.

What do you say about a man with premature ej*culation and severe diarrhea?
Easy come; easy go.

What do you call a vegan with diarrhea?
A Salad Shooter.

What’s the funniest pickup line?
“My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.”

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.

What’s the difference between an expert marksman and an owl with diarrhea?
One hits whenever he shoots.

Whenever Tim has diarrhea, his roommate gets constipated.
When Tim tells him this, he said, “Are you kidding me?”
Tim said, “I sh*t you not.”

What do you call repetitive diarrhea?
Re-runs. It’s just the same sh*t over and over again.

What’s worse than having diarrhea and a clogged toilet?
Nothing, please someone help me out.

Did you hear about the giant who had diarrhea?
It was all over town.

Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave.
The first bat asks the second, “Do you remember the worst day of your life?”
I sure do,” said the second bat. “It was the day I had diarrhea.”

What did diarrhea say to poop?
“You’re in shape.”

What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?
Both stream instantly.

What does Harry Potter call his diarrhea?

What do you call a hotel breakfast that gives you diarrhea?

How does a human make all three states of matter at once?

What do you call a religious man with diarrhea who isn’t afraid to pass gas at anytime?
A Trustafartian.

Recommended: Fart Jokes

What do you call a linguist’s diarrhea?
The great bowel shift.

Can you take a bath with diarrhea?
If you have enough, yes.

What’s the difference between Constipation and Diarrhea?
Constipation is when your body does not give a sh*t. Diarrhea is when your body cannot get it’s sh*t together.

How do you know when an octopus has diarrhea?
It leaves squid-marks.

What spell do wizards use when they have diarrhea?
“Anus Containus.”

What does Willie Nelson sing when he has diarrhea?
“On the Commode Again….”

What do you call a Canadian high schooler with diarrhea?

What do you call a quesadilla that gives you an upset stomach?
A quesadiarrhea (A case a diarrhea).

Did you hear about the procrastinator who got diarrhea?
She just couldn’t keep her sh*t together.

What do diarrhea and baldness have in common?
They both run in your genes.

Recommended: Bald Jokes

What do you call a German dictator with a really bad case of diarrhea?

What is one of the primary symptoms of diarrhea of the mouth?
Uncontrollable vowel movements!

What kind of bee gives you diarrhea when it stings?

Did you hear about the baseball player that had diarrhea while signing autographs?
Yeah, the sh*t really hit the fan.

What are the side effects of diarrhea?
No side effects only rear ones.

What do you call someone who has diarrhea at a wedding reception?
A party pooper.

What do you call it when a German guy has diarrhea?

What do you call that rumbling in your belly before diarrhea?

What did the Ukrainian say when he got diarrhea?
“F*ck you rushing sh*t!”

What’s the difference between a prostitute with diarrhea and an oyster with epilepsy?
One, you shuck between fits, and the other you f*ck between sh*ts.

What would you call it if the Russian president had diarrhea?
Putin on the sh*ts.

What do you call a pregnant cougar with diarrhea?
A poo ma.

Why do lesbians with diarrhea have to be careful?
It’s that old adage everyone knows, “You don’t scissor with the runs.”

Why did diarrhea affected gangster gain clairvoyance?
Because now he can always tell when sh*t’s about to go down.

Did you hear about the pigeon with diarrhea?
It kept saying Poopoo Poopoo.

What do you call diarrhea from eating too much chocolate and peanut butter?
Reese’s feces.

What do you do if someone has Hiccups and diarrhea?
Scare the sh*t out of them.

What does a poop use to write about its day?
A diarrhea!

What do you call a dog with diarrhea?
A poopy snoopy.

What do you call it when royalty gets an upset stomach?
The Princess Diarrheas.

What about when the Pope has diarrhea?
Holy sh*t.

What does a man with diarrhea and an electric car owner have in common?
They both hope to make it home.

What do you get when Greg Heffley drinks contaminated water?
Diarrhea of a wimpy kid.

What’s a person who suffers from chronic diarrhea’s favorite party game?

What happens to shoes when you have diarrhea?
All shoes are running shoes.

What do gay men call diarrhea?

Recommended: Gay Jokes

Why did the corner bar start selling veggie ghost pepper flavored wings?
So vegetarians can experience diarrhea too.

What’s brown and hides in the attic?
The diarrhea of Anne Frank.

What has webbed feet, a bill, feathers, and horrible diarrhea?
A sh*tting duck!

Have a better Diarrhea joke? Post your own Diarrhea puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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