Let’s talk about toes, those little piggies that went to the market and then stayed home for the rest of their lives, chilling at the far end of your feet. They’re the unsung heroes of the body, always supporting you but never asking for anything more than a good sock or a comfortable shoe. Yet, despite their importance in things like walking, running, and scoring that perfect “10” in a diving competition, they rarely get the spotlight. They’re always stuck in the proverbial “footnote” of body parts—see what I did there?
Now, why on Earth would anyone joke about toes? Well, for the very reason that they’re such underappreciated digits! Toe jokes give these tiny titans the attention they deserve, even if it’s just for the length of a punchline. Want to know what the toe said to the foot? “You crack me up!” Toe jokes may be corny—no pun intended—and often toe-tally ridiculous, but they also put a little wiggle in our otherwise stiff lives. Next time you stub your toe, just think of a toe joke, and you’ll toe-tally forget the pain. Or not, but at least you’ll be laughing!
Best Toe Jokes
What do you call a guy with no shin bones?
Toe-Knee.
Why can’t Lebron James stand on his tippy toes?
He gets no support from his Cavs.
Did you hear about a man who broke up with a girl who was missing a few toes?
Because he is lack-toes-intolerant.
Babies toes are almost the same size and shape as tic-tacs.
That makes them tic-tac-toes.
Yo mama so fat, they can hear her tip toeing down main street.
Why did the guy have to have his toe checked out?
Because it had a nail in it.
What did the color White shout after it stubbed it’s toe?
“Ffffff.”
Did you hear about the guy running around with nail clippers stealing everyone’s toe nails?
He’s a clip toe maniac.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile toe.
What’s annoying about the makers of the shampoo ‘Head and Shoulders’?
That they have not followed up with a bodywash called, ‘Knees and toes.’
Why do ballet dancers change their routine right before the show?
To keep them on their toes.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
What’s the difference between a sock and a camera?
One is for five toes, the other is for photos.
Yo mama so fat when they told her to touch her toes she said, “What are those”?
Do you know that there’s an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep?
It’s called ‘coma toes’.
Why do ballerinas dance on their toes?
So they don’t wake up the audience.
What did the cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his toe?
“Mitosis.”
Which toe is the easiest to see?
A photo.
A man dropped his knife and cut off a toe.
After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Man: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Man: No way. What’s the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Man: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.
What has five toes but isn’t your foot?
My foot.
Would you rather feel the pain of your toes bring crushed in an instant, or spread out over a few years?
In other words, here are your brand new safety shoes.
What do you call a woman who does not have all her toes on one foot?
Normal.
Yo mama so stupid, she wrote TGIF on her shoes to remind her that Toes Go In First!
What’s the difference between a part of your foot covered entirely in sand and some beans, rice, and cheese wrapped in a tortilla?
One is a burrito and the other is a buried toe.
How does Snoop Dogg pay for pedicures?
Crip toe currency.
Why can’t baby ants walk to the store to get milk, but adults can?
Because they lack toes in toddler ants.
What happened to the volcanologist when he stumped his toe?
Krakatoa.
A baby camel has a lot of questions for his mother.
Baby camel: Why do we have these humps on out backs?
Mother camel: We store water there for when we walk long distances in the desert and we don’t have water for days.
Baby camel: Ok. What are our long eyelashes for?
Mother camel: When there is a sandstorm, they stop sand from entering our eyes.
Baby camel: Ok. Why do we have these toes shaped like this?
Mother camel: They are useful for when we walk in the desert on hot sand, to not hurt our feet.
Baby camel: Then why the hell are we in a zoo?!
After seeing his first ballet at age 6, his parents asked him how he liked it.
It was good, but you know all those girls who were on their tippy-toes? Why don’t they just get taller girls?
What goes “Chest, Chest, Chest, Chest”?
A T Rex doing “Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes.”
What’s a foot’s favorite chip?
DoriTOES.
Yo mama so dumb, she tried getting connect four in tic-tac-toe.
A man walks into a bar covered head to toe in tin foil.
He says, “Doctor, Doctor! I’m stuck in the wrong joke!”
Why are eye jokes worse than toe jokes?
Because toe jokes may be cheesy, but eye jokes are cornea.
God is making the human race.
Assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmmm, add a little toe.
Assistant: Why?
God: Furniture.
Assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me, it will be fun.
A Geologist stubs his toe.
“Schist!”
Can’t move your toe after a bad stub?
No problem, just call a toetruck.
What did the computer monitor say when it stubbed it’s toe?
“Ow, that hertz!”
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even see your toes.
Why did the saxophonist play with his feet?
It was an all toe sax.
Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
If not it’s working!
What does the Neanderthal cat say when he stubs his toe?
“Me. Ow!”
What fruit do you use to make toe jam?
You use fruit by the foot.
What is a toe’s least favorite sports team?
LA Clippers.
What has one toe and many eyes?
A potato(e).
What is a guy who rubs bear toes called?
Rob…wait for it… erto! Rubeartoe!
A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes. “What happened to your feet?” his girlfriend asked. “I had a childhood disease called Tolio, ” the man said. “Don’t you mean Polio?” “No, Tolio, it only affects the toes.” Not wanting to ruin the mood the girlfriend pulled down his pants and revealed a severely discolored pair of knees. “What happened to your knees?” she asked.
“Well, I also had Kneesles ” the man replied. “Don’t you mean measles?” “No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.” Again, not wanting to ruin the mood, she continued and pulled down his boxers before starting to laugh. Before the man could ask what was wrong the woman wiped a tear from her eye and said, “Wait, let me guess…..Smallcox?”
Do you know that Jesus Christ was supposed to be named Franklin?
Until Mary stubbed her toe.
Why do cows have hooves and not toes?
Because they lactose.
Recommended: Big Forehead Jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she uses a pencil sharpener to trim her toes.
Why does the skeleton have blue toes?
Because he kicked the bucket.
Why did the redguard break his toe?
Because his hammerfell on it.
A blonde got really tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom.
As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, “I’m hanging myself because I’m tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!”
Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, “I thought you were hanging yourself.”
She said, “Yes, I am!”
The husband replied, “Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?”
She said, “I tried that, but I couldn’t breathe.”
A man told his new flat mate that she reminded him of his little toe. “Is it because I’m small and cute?” she asked.
He replied, “No, it’s because when I get drunk I’ll surely end up banging you on the coffee table.”
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men Toes.
Why do emos suck at playing tic tac toe on their wrists?
Because when they win they loose.
Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.
How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
2 calves, an ass, a beaver, a camel toe, a bunch of hares and a fish no one can find.
Recommended: Big Nose Jokes
What do potatoes and tomatoes have in common?
Toes.
A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.
When they get back to her place, she says, “I didn’t want to tell you before, but I’ve got a fetish. I’d love it if you fucked me with your big toe.”
The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then it starts itching and burning.
He goes to the doctor, who seems very confused. But after a few tests, he says, “I don’t know quite how to explain it, but you seem to have toe syphilis.”
The man says, “Well I’ll bet that’s about the strangest thing you’ve ever seen.”
The doctor responds, “Oh, you’d be surprised. I mean, just the other day I had a woman in here with athlete’s vagina.”
Did you hear about the guy who broke his toe while working in a coal mine?
He’s gonna be okay. It was just a miner injury.
Did you hear about the husband who recently filmed his wife wanking him off with her toes?
Got some decent footage.
What is the brown sticky stuff between an elephant’s toes?
Slow natives.
What do you call the sexualization of toes?
A feetish.
What was Jeffrey Dahmer’s favorite song as a child?
“Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes…”
What do you call a poet with a foot fetish?
Edgar Allan Toe.
Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was very nervous.
Her mother reassured her, “Don’t worry, Maria, Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you. Meanwhile, I’ll be making pasta.”
So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”
“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother, “all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. “Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!”
“Don’t worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man Go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you..”
So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes.
When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!”
Her Mama said, “Stay here and stir the pasta.”
Recommended: Chin Jokes
Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?
Play-toe ands Sock-rates.
What does it mean if someone with a toe fetish cheats on you?
It means they got off on the wrong foot.
A man sees an attractive woman on the side of the road. He stops to ask if she needs any help.
The woman says, “Yes, my car has broken down and I don’t know what’s wrong with it.”
The man says, “Don’t worry; I’ll get you and your car to a mechanic in town. Have you ever been towed before?”
And the woman says, “No, but I’ve been fingered a couple of times.”
What does a Nazi say when he stubs his toe?
“Auw, schwitz!”
Do you have a funny toe joke? Write down your own toe puns in the comment section below!
My grandfather hated people with deformed feet.
He was lack toes intolerant.