75 Funny Aut*sm Jokes That Connect All Of Us

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Jessica Amlee


Aut*sm, a developmental condition, is as diverse as the spectrum of colors in a rainbow. It’s like having a brain wired with a unique operating system that processes the world in a different, often extraordinary way. People with aut*sm might have challenges in social interactions, but they also might possess incredible talents and perspectives that many of us could only dream of.

Think of it as a different way of seeing the world, where the details are sharper, the patterns clearer, and the ordinary becomes extraordinary. It’s not about lacking abilities; it’s about having different abilities. In this light, aut*sm becomes not just a condition, but a unique lens through which the world is viewed, a perspective that can be both challenging and incredibly rewarding. This unique view of the world is what brings a special flavor to Aut*sm Jokes.

So, gather your friends (just close ones, ok?) and join us on this hilarious and heartwarming journey, as we discover the unique perspectives and brilliant minds that make our world a more colorful and inclusive place.

Best Aut*sm Jokes

Do you know why children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have aut*sm?
You have to be alive to have aut*sm.

How many autistic people does it take to change a lightbulb?
“One, but what do you want me to change it into?”

How is being autistic a bit like being a photon?
Getting from here to someplace else is instantaneous, but what happens in between is incomprehensible.

What do you call an autistic kid with an AK-47?
Special forces.

Why shouldn’t autistic people work at nuclear power plants?
They don’t know what to do when they go into meltdown.

What do you call a stick with aut*sm?

What do you call a puppy with aut*sm?

One day, a mother sends her son to market to get some groceries.
She tells him, “You need you to go to the store and get a gallon of milk. If they have avocados, get 6.
The autistic one comes back with 6 gallons of milk and tells her, “They had avocados.”

What do you call an albino hog with aut*sm?
Pigmentally Challenged.

Why did the guy with Asperger’s cross the road?
Because he is a roadway construction engineer.

Little Johnny’s parents got mad at him for sleeping with the autistic girl next door.
He didn’t really want to, but they told him his first time should be with someone special.

Recommended: Down Syndrome Jokes

A son says to his father “Dad, I forget. Am I awesome or fantastic?”
The father replies “No son, you’re autistic.”

Roses are red,
I have aut*sm,
That’s why I follow the teachings of Marxism!

Did you hear about the patient whose doctor just diagnosed him with aut*sm?
He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

How do you annoy an autistic kid?
It’s simple, just tell them a autistic joke.

Have you heard about the movement that convinces people that vacuum cleaners cause aut*sm in children?
It will be called the Anti-vacs Movement.

What do you call a person with aut*sm smoking weed?
A baked potato.

Do you know that people always say that shots cause aut*sm?
But shots are actually the cure. It’s called lethal injection.

A young couple has a nonverbal son, and after years of the best doctors, speech therapy, and counseling, they are forced to accept and adapt. They’re able to set into a happy lifestyle despite the communication difficulties, and life proceeds as normal for quite some time.
Then one day, as they’re sitting down to dinner, the now-8-year-old son takes a bite, lowers his fork, and suddenly speaks.
“It’s cold,” the boy says simply.
The parents are stunned. Then ecstatic. They swarm him with awkward hugs, bubbling over with tears of joy.
“You talked! Oh, I’m so happy…but of all things to speak as a first! Why this, why now?”
The boy shrugs, “Up to now, everything’s been okay.”

How do you catch aut*sm?
Go to the special ed class with a fishing net.

What do you call a midget with aut*sm?
A weetard.

What took you so long at the aut*sm march?
“We had to walk slowly.”

What did the teacher yell when a class full of students with aut*sm wasn’t attentive?
“Pay Autention!”

What did the kid with aut*sm do when he graduated from school?
He woke up!

Why should you never give alcohol to someone who’s autistic?
Because they’ll have flashbacks from when they were in the womb.

“Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That’s because I’ve laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The aut*sm should be setting in any second now.”
“Joke’s on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.”

Did you hear about the autistic guitar pick?
He’s a plectrum on the spectrum.

Why is World Aut*sm Day after April Fools’ Day?
Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.

Recommended: April Fools’ Day Jokes

Did you hear about the new anti-vaxxer relationship counseling book?
Men are from Mars, Aut*sm is from Mercury.

What do Aut*sm Speaks and colorblind people have in common?
They both badly portray a spectrum.

What do you call a friendly ghost with aut*sm?

Did you know aut*sm is curable?
It’s called the electric chair.

Gender exists on a spectrum. Do you know what else is on a spectrum?

Two Conspiracy Theorists die as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.
One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks, “Who was REALLY behind 9/11?”
Before God can answer, the second one steps forward and says, “Can you confirm that vaccines cause aut*sm and tell us who stands to profit from their continued use?”
God replies, “9/11 was planned by Osama bin Laden and carried out by members of Al-Qaeda. Vaccines do not cause aut*sm, and the only people profiting from their use are the people who are no longer dying from preventable diseases.”
The two men both look crestfallen. One of them leans over and whispers in the other’s ear, “Dude! This sh*t goes higher than we ever realized!”

What do you call a Jewish person with aut*sm?

Isn’t it funny how many forms of Aut*sm there are?
When they all make them look the same.

Recommended: Dark Humor Jokes for Adults

Why can’t an aut*stic kid play billiards?
He can’t pick up cues.

What do you call a bakery run by aut*stic people?
Call it “Special Kneads.”

What’s the difference between a thief and an autist?
Autist take things literally while thieves take things, literally.

What’s better than having paraplegia and aut*sm at the same time?
Being Dead.

Noun: Feminism
Synonym: Aut*sm

Why can’t autistic people tell jokes?
Because they always punch up the f*ck line.

There is an autistic student who struggles with understanding sarcasm and social cues.
One day, while painting paper mache volcanoes they had made, another staff member advised the students, saying, “Don’t put too much paint on because it will run.”
The autistic student, not missing a beat, sincerely asked, “How can it run if it doesn’t have legs?”

What do you call a cannibal that only eats autistic kids?

Recommended: Wheelchair Jokes

What do you call an autistic Chinese baby?
Sum Ting-Wong.

What’s for dinner when a cannibal cooks up an autistic person?

Who dated the autistic savant?
The autistic savuncle.

Why are autistic people always h*mosexual?
Because they can’t think straight.

What do you get when someone bullies a really autistic kid?
20 casualties.

What is the autistic kid doing lying on the floor?
His best.

Why are autistic kids good electricians?
Because they know how to light up a school.

Three autistic kids are sitting on a railway line.
The first one being an pessimist sees only the darkness in the tunnel. The second, an optimist, sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The third one being a realist, sees the train coming towards them.
And the train driver, being a socially responsible welfare activist, sees three super-easy targets.

What do you get when an Autistic child gets in a car crash?
Mashed potatoes.

Recommended: ADHD Jokes

What do you call an autistic person in the FBI?
A special agent.

What do you call a dance for autistic people?
A mental breakdown.

What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a public pool?
Vegetable soup.

What do you call cooking an autistic chicken?
A special recipe.

What do autistic people always order from restaurants?
The specials.

What do you call a story about autistic kids?
Veggie tales.

What do you call an autistic person who is swimming?
Drown Syndrome.

What do you call it when an autistic kid is being born?
Special delivery.

Why are autistic people so cool?
Because they’re fire retardant.

What did Sonic the Hedgehog say to the autistic boy?
“You’re too slow!”

What do you call an autistic kid making racecar noises while running down the hall?
Grand aut*smo.

How do Autists deal with school?
With a reeeeeeeeee-volver

What does the autistic kid get on his exam?
His drool.

What type of laundry detergent to autistic people use?

Where do autistic people like to hangout?

What cereal do autistic people eat?
Special k.

What do you call an autistic kid in an Iron Man costume?
Robert Downey Syndrome.

What do you call it when you get rejected by the autistic girl?

Why is God autistic?
Cause he lives in his own little world.

What do an autistic kid and a poet have in common?
You can stare at their writing for four hours straight and still have no clue what the f#ck they were talking about.

What do you call an autistic Asi*n?
A lemon.

Do you have another aut*sm joke? Post your own jokes about Autistic in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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