60 Funny Diabetes Jokes That Won’t Spike Your Sugar Levels

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Jessica Amlee

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Diabetes, the sweet irony of life, is like having a love-hate relationship with sugar where sugar loves you a bit too much. Picture your body as a nightclub, and insulin is the bouncer deciding who gets in. In diabetes, the bouncer is either on a break (Type 1) or has become a bit too lenient and lets everyone in (Type 2). It’s a world where counting carbs becomes more important than counting likes on social media, and where a ‘sugar rush’ isn’t an exciting adventure but a real health concern. This daily dance with glucose levels and insulin shots might seem daunting, but it doesn’t mean there’s no room for humor. In fact, the lighter side of this condition paves the way for some witty and relatable Diabetes Jokes.

When we step into the arena of Diabetes Jokes, it’s all about finding laughter in the glucose monitoring and the endless healthy lifestyle tips. Here, humor is used not just as a coping mechanism but as a way to sweeten the bitter moments. It’s an exclusive club where ‘sugar-free’ has a different ring to it, and where the word ‘prick’ doesn’t always mean someone rude, but more often a routine finger test. These jokes add a spoonful of sugar to the daily routine, minus the blood sugar spike, of course. They remind us that even when life gives you lemons, you can still make a sugar-free lemonade and laugh about the whole process.

Best Diabetes Jokes

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Do you know why insulin has gotten so expensive?
Well, it’s not called Liveabetes, now is it?

How do you know the doctor flirted with you?
She said that I was really sweet but she worded it differently and said, “you’re severely diabetic.”

Why do Diabetes jokes upset some people?
Because you can’t sugarcoat them.

Why can’t diabetics have vengeance?
Because vengeance is sweet.

What was the trickiest question on a Diabetes website?
It asked if I would accept cookies.

How do you know the NASA scientists are wrong to say it is possible to live on Mars?
Some people tried it and now they are 15kg heavier & diabetic.

What does a diabetic neckbeard need to survive?

Scooby-Doo has 34 candy bars. It eats 30. What does he have now?

What do you call a rap song about Drugs and Money?
“I can’t afford that insulin”

What did Santa get the day after Christmas?

Why does diabetes run in one’s family?
Because no one else does.

In the park, a boy and a girl are sitting next to each other.
Boy: I’ll give you a piece of chocolate if you let me kiss you.
Girl: Okay.
Boy: You’ll get another piece of chocolate if you let me touch your b**bs. Girl: Ok. Boy: You’ll get another one if you let me touch your p*ssy.
Girl: You know what? At this rate, I’ll have diabetes by the time we finally f*ck!

Your Momma so fat her flesh-eating disease got diabetes.

Recommended: Yo Mama Jokes

How is life like a box of chocolates?
It sucks if you have diabetes.

Why did the PR guy develop Type II diabetes?
Because he always sugarcoats everything he says and always eats his words.

Why do diabetics always have nightmares?
They can’t have sweet dreams.

What’s the worst part about going to the doctor and being diagnosed with diabetes?
You don’t get a lollipop afterwards.

What should you do if it gets too cold inside your pancreas?
Install some insulination.

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally overdid it and went into a diabetic coma.
Her doctor moved me to one side after two weeks of no improvement.
“I’m sorry, but all of our tests show no sign of her ever recovering,” he said wearily.
“It might be time to remove her life support.”
My wife’s eyes popped open, and she sat bolt upright in bed.
“Did someone mention takeaway?”

What do you call someone poor whose body can make little or no insulin?
They have one diabete.

Why are scientists that are trying to cure diabetes in humans jealous?
Because researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

Why is there no cure for diabetes?
Because they can’t have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.

How tall is the average diabetic person?
About as tall as the average person, minus two feet.

Recommended: Tall People Jokes

What does a diabetic’s blood taste like?
Sweet irony.

A man visits the hospital to find out if he has diabetes.
When he arrives, a nurse requests a urine sample. He agrees, and the nurse returns to the room moments later with the results.
“We’re sorry, sir, but we discovered high levels of glucose in your urine. You have diabetes.” She states.
“Well, I’m still very grateful for your help today, nurse,” the man says, disappointed.
“Sure thing, sweet pee.”

How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle?
Candy Bars.

How easy is it to kill someone with diabetes?
It’s a piece of cake.

Little Johnny: What’s it like being diabetic?
Brother: It has its highs and lows. What is it like to have Bipolar disorder?
Little Johnny: it has its ups and downs.

How is Diabetes like a walk in a park?
Yeah, Jurassic Park.

What’s a diabetic’s drug of choice?
Diet coke.

What’s forbidden to diabetic vampires?

What did the Type 2 diabetic say to the Type 1 diabetic?
“You’re so juvenile.”

Doctor: I’m sorry ma’am your husband has diabetes and if he doesn’t change his diet soon, he’s at risk for a heart attack or a possible stroke.
Lady: We’d like to get a second opinion, doc.
Doctor: Okay. He’s ugly, too.

Recommended: Cupcake Jokes

If Pikachu is type electric and Charmander is type fire then what is Snorlax’s type?
Type 2 diabetic.

What do you call a guy who is diabetic and a racist who doesn’t get on with milk?
He lacks toes and tolerance.

Is anyone looking for a sugar daddy?
Got no money but got diabetes.

Why do feel sorry for the diabetic knight?
Sure does have to lance a lot.

What do you call an evil genius with sugar regulation issues?

A cop stops a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He directs the man to blow into a breathalyzer. “I’m afraid I can’t do that, officer.”
“What’s the harm?”
“Because I have asthma.” If I blow into that tube, I might have an asthma attack.”
“All right, we’ll just get a urine sample at the station.”
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“What’s the harm?”
“Because I have diabetes.” If I pee in a cup, I might get low blood sugar.”
“All right, we’ll take a blood sample.”
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“What’s the harm?”
“Because I have haemophilia.” I could die if I give blood.”
“All right, just walk this white line.”
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“What’s the harm?”
“Because I’m drunk.”

What do you call a diabetic sugar daddy?
A Splenda spenda’.

Diabetes medication has a profit margin close to 1000%.
Now that’s just Insul(t)in’.

What do you expect in a diabetes screening?
Just a movie about sugar.

Recommended: Fat People Jokes

Do you know the worst thing about being an alcoholic with diabetes?
All the shots.

What do you do for your mother-in-law who suffers from acute diabetes and hay fever?
You try to cheer her up with loads of chocolates and flowers.

What medical tests you can do yourself at home?
Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence.

  • If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and are at risk of heart disease.
  • If it attracts ants, your blood sugar is too high, and you may be diabetic.
  • You are dehydrated if your piss is dark and limited in quantity.
  • You have a prostrate problem if your stream did not reach the fence.
  • You have kidney problems if it is bright pink.
  • You have Alzheimer’s if you forgot to take your knob out and pissed in your pants.
  • You have Parkinson’s if you missed the fence.
  • If your stream smells like meat, you have far too much cholesterol.
  • You have Coronavirus if you can’t smell your urine.

Why did the diabetic dad cut off his son’s leg?
Because he needed a kid-knee transplant.

What did the diabetic say at the bakery?
Donut be afraid.

When does the quote laughter is the best medicine not apply?
In cases when you’re a diabetic, then insulin should be higher on your list.

Why did the diabetic take first place in the weight lifting competition?
Because he was so good at pumping.

Recommended: Lactose Intolerant Jokes

What is small, brown, and has a caramel perfume?
A diabetic who was hit by lightning

A Frenchman, a German and an American walk into a bar.
“I’m tired and thirsty”, said the Frenchman, “I must have wine!”
“I’m tired and thirsty”, said the German, “I must have beer!”
“I’m tired and thirsty”, said the American, “I must have diabetes…”

Why is a diabetic person not ill?
It’s just that their pancreas is lazy.

What happens when you ask your girlfriend if she’s on her period?
She asks you to check your blood sugar.

What does a diabetic elf need?

A group of doctors wanted to look into the long-term health effects of eating sweets, drinking alcohol, and smoking on people who had never eaten sweets, drank alcohol, or smoked before.
Three people decided to participate in the study as volunteers. One of them was taken to a room full of sweets and kept there for three months. For three months, the other two were locked inside rooms stocked with expensive liquors and cigars.
The rooms were unlocked one by one after three months. The person who volunteered to eat sweets had become obese, unable to move, and diabetic. The person in the liquor room had passed out on the floor, covered in puke and piss. His liver was damaged.
When the third cigar room was unlocked, the person began acting violently. “Who the hell locked me in the room with cigars but no lighter?” he yelled, grabbing one of the doctors by the collar.

What’s so great about the new high-sugar diet?
You lose 30 pounds but costs you an arm and a leg.

Recommended: No Arm No Legs Jokes

What do you call a cow with no legs?
A severely diabetic sister.

What do you call a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated?
Lack toes intolerant.

Why did the diabetic kid die during sleep at night?
His mother wished him “sweet dreams” before sleep.

Someone wise once said, “Laughter is the best medicine.” These jokes about Diabetes are for you if you’re feeling down and need a pick-me-up. While you may feel as if you are alone at times, know that this is far from the case.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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