You know it’s summer when the air is hotter than your high school romance. With that cheeky thought, let’s dive into our collection of dirty summer jokes, a delightful cocktail of spicy humor, and sun-kissed fun. This is where naughty meets nice, and inappropriate punchlines dance with the lighthearted spirit of summer.
From hilarious beach mishaps to steamy summer nights, our collection explores the more daring side of humor under the summer sun. But remember, while these adult jokes might make you blush brighter than a sunburn, they’re all in good fun. So grab a cold drink, find a shady spot, and get ready for a laughter-filled season that’s hotter than the midday sun!
Adult Summer Jokes
Did you hear that strippers don’t have any air conditioners in their homes during summer?
There is no climate change or global warming.
It’s just Autumn identifying as Summer.
“You seem happier in summer,” said the wife.
The husband said, “Well, she’s my favorite hooker.”
Why is Pride Month always in the summer?
Because Pride cometh before the Fall.
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”
“Now Paul,” she began, “what shall I do to correct this?”
“Get a boyfriend?” Paul replied.
Where do youngsters with ADHD spend their summer vacation?
Did you hear about the female amputee annual convention at the beach last summer?
The beach was crawling with pus$$y.
What do fat chicks do in the summer?
With summer getting sunnier a woman asks her husband, “What do you think? Should I go sunbathing in the nude in the backyard?”
The husband just shrugs and says, “Do as you like.”
The woman replies, “What do you think the neighbors will say if they see me sunbathing like that?”
The husband replies, “They’ll probably think I married you for the money.”
Why do lions only mate in the summer?
Because the pride cometh before the fall.
Recommended: Summer Jokes for Kids
Do you know know that during summer, many European countries are in a timezone having sex within the family?
They are in CEST.
Timmy spots his teacher’s hairless right armpit.
He stands up and asks her, “Mrs. Teacher, why is your right armpit shaved?”
The teacher says, “Timmy, that’s not something you can point out in public. You go home for the rest of the day and think about what you’ve said.”
Next Day: It’s a hot summer and Mrs. Teacher only wears a Spaghetti Top. While she is cleaning the chalkboard, Timmy stands up and asks, “Mrs. Teacher, why is your second armpit shaved?”
The teacher, obviously angered, says, “Timmy, that’s not something you can point out in public. You go home for the rest of the week and think about what you’ve said.”
Monday, the next week: Timmy is back in school, and Mrs. Teacher wearing a Turtleneck pullover and a skirt. Halfway through the lesson the chalk breaks and she bends down to pick up the pieces.
Timmy stands up, waves his friends close, and proclaims, “Boys, I’ll see you next year!!”
What do you call masturbating in the summer?
A heat stroke.
On a hot summer day, there were two boys playing by a stream.
One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises.
He pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam.
So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.
All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.
Finally, he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away.
The second boy said to his friend, “My mom told me that if I ever saw a naked lady, I’d turn to stone.”
“I felt something getting hard, so I ran.
Why are seashells worn by the mermaid at a summer beach resort?
She’d grown out of her B-shells.
One hot summer day, a blonde walks into a restaurant for something cold to drink.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, ‘Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?
The blonde said it was hers. “Your dog seems to be in heat,” the officer said.
The blonde replied, “No way. She’s cool ’cause she’s tied up under that shade tree.’” The policeman said, “No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.”
“No way,” said the blonde. “My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this morning.’”
The exasperated policeman said, “NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!”
The blonde looked at the cop and said, ‘Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.”
What happens when you vacation at a nudist colony in summer?
The first few days are the hardest.
A penguin was driving down the road on a hot summer day when all of a sudden his car breaks down.
He manages to take it to a mechanic, who advises him to check out the nearby town and come back in about a half hour. The penguin walks around and comes across an ice cream shop. On his way back to the mechanic, the ice cream starts melting everywhere. Arriving at the mechanic’s shop, the mechanic tells him, ” Hmmm, it looks as if you’ve blown a seal.”
Quite immediately the penguin replies, “NOOONONO, actually it’s just vanilla ice cream!”
Did you hear about the workers at the local abortion clinic who are going on strike until summer?
But they always take offspring.
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Two old fellas are sitting out in front of the general store on a hot summer day.
They watch a dog across the street flop down in the shade and start licking its balls. The first guy says, “I sure wish I could do that.”
“Clem, that dog would bite you!”
Why is it good to take Viagra in the summer?
Because when you get sunburned, it keeps the bed sheet off the leg!
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day.
They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon.
They notice she isn’t wearing any panties.
“Is it cooler without panties?” they ask.
She says, “I don’t know if it’s cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon.”
How do you describe a summer camp in 1943?
Nuns are performing a much-needed renovation on the chapel. Today they paint and the AC isn’t working great (that’s getting fixed tomorrow). It’s a sweltering hot summer day, so they decide that since they’re all sisters in Christ, they’ll just lock the doors and strip off their gowns and other clothes while painting so they aren’t sweating so much.
After some time, a knock comes on the door.
Sister Mary asks, “Who is it?”
From the door, the answer comes, “It’s the blind guy!”
Well, the sisters all agree if he is blind, there’s no harm in letting him in while they’re nude, and it is still very hot so they’d rather stay nude if they can. So they let him in and lock the door again.
The blind guy comes in, sets some stuff down, looks around, and says “Nice tits, sisters. Where do you want the blinds?”
Why do skinny men like fat women?
Because they need warmth in winter and shade in summer.
A rabbi and a Catholic priest are walking on a hot summer day. When they pass a lake, the rabbi suggests they go swimming.
Since neither of them has a bathing suit with them, they bathe naked. Just as they come out of the water, a family with children appears.
The rabbi immediately covers his face, the priest his private parts.
When the family is gone, the rabbi looks at the priest and says, “I don’t know how my congregation would recognize me, but I’m 100% sure it’s my face!”
What does a Chinese person call it when they go to the park in summer?
Why do hospitals have air conditioners?
To keep vegetables fresh.
An Al-Qaeda soldier was given a vacation for serving a full year.
His commander even gave him a plane ticket to his desired country. The soldier is full of joy and runs off to plan his trip. The time comes and he gets on the plane. While on the plane he sees his friend from al-Qaeda. He greets him and asks if he is having a vacation too.
His friend laughs and says, “No brother, I’m on a business trip.”
Why are there so many public mass shootings in America?
Because the schools are closed for summer vacation.
Do you have another dirty summer joke? Post your own adult jokes about summer in the comment section below.