Muslims are people who follow Islam, a religion that teaches kindness, patience, and the art of never letting tea go cold. They pray five times a day, fast during Ramadan, and somehow always know where the best biryani is being served. With over a billion followers worldwide, Muslims come from different cultures, but they all share a deep love for food, family, and a good laugh. That’s where Muslim Jokes come in, they are lighthearted humor that brings smiles without crossing the line.
From the uncle who always sneaks extra dates into his pocket at iftar to the auntie who thinks WhatsApp forwards count as breaking news, Muslim Jokes celebrate the fun side of everyday life. These jokes often come from family gatherings, where kids run around, elders sip chai, and someone is always trying to prove they make the best kebabs. Whether it’s about mispronouncing Arabic words or the universal struggle of finding a mosque parking spot during Friday prayers, there’s always something hilarious in the mix!
Best Muslim Jokes
When Muslims go to Mars, where will they pray?
Elon’s Mosque.
What do you call a Muslim bodybuilder?
A muscleman.
What do we Muslims call the early call to prayer that wakes us up in the morning?
The Allahm clock.
Three friends all wanted to marry the sheikh’s daughter, but they couldn’t decide who deserved her the most. So, they went to speak to the sheikh and let him decide.
The first man knocks on the door. The sheikh answers and asks what he wants. The man says, “I would like to marry your daughter.” The sheikh asks for his name, and he replies, “Ibrahim.” The sheikh then asks him to recite Surah Ibrahim.
The sheikh looks impressed but then turns to the second man and asks why he is here. The man says, “Sir, I also would like to marry your daughter.” The sheikh asks for his name, and he replies, “Yunus.” The sheikh then asks him to recite Surah Yunus.
The third man steps up and says, “I would like to marry your daughter as well.” The sheikh asks for his name, and the man replies, “Yaseen, sir… but my parents call me Qul Huwa Allahu Ahad.”
What do you call a skinny Muslim?
A muSLIM.
How does a Muslim close the door?
Islams it.
A boy asks his father, “Pa, are eggs halal to eat?”
The father takes a moment to think and replies, “Depends, were the rooster and the hen married?”
Recommended: Arab Jokes
A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates.
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
“Are you Mohammed?” he asks.
“No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.” And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, ascends through the clouds, and comes to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, “Are you Mohammed?”
“No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.”
Exhausted but overjoyed, he continues to climb and reaches an even larger room where he meets another bearded man.
Full of hope, he asks again, “Are you Mohammed?”
“No, I am Jesus… You will find Mohammed higher up.”
Mohammed higher than Jesus!
The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs higher and higher.
At last, he reaches an even bigger room where he meets a man with a beard. Gasping for breath, he asks once more, “Are you Mohammed?”
“No, my son… I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?”
“Yes, please!” the man replies.
God looks behind him, claps his hands, and calls out:
“Hey Mohammed, two coffees!”
Why should you never race a Muslim during Ramadan?
They fast during Ramadan!
What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regard for his patients?
Asif Eyecare.
A Muslim delivered my lunch today.
Didn’t realise I was eating Allah carte.
Where do Muslim rabbits come from?
Middle easter.
Where do Muslim llamas come from?
Alpacastan!
Two Americans were walking in the Arabian desert one morning, when they come across a mosque.
They hadn’t had food or water for days, and thought maybe the people in the mosque would give them some.
“Ok, Joe, we will tell these people we are Muslims, and maybe they will give us some food and something to drink. You’ll be Hassan, and I’ll be Muhammed”, said Roger.
“No way, man. I’m not going to say that, even if they won’t give us anything to drink”, replied Joe.
They go up and knock on the door, a Muslim man with a smile on his face answers the door, “yes, how may I help you?”.
“Hello, I’m Muhammed and this is Joe. We were wondering if we could have something to eat and drink”, asked Roger.
“Why, of course! Joe, we will bring you some food, and for you, Muhammed, it is Ramadan and we won’t be breaking our fast until sundown”.
Recommended: Ramadan Jokes
During Ramadan, Sonic the Hedgehog is a Muslim.
Because he’s gotta go fast.
Where does a Muslim learn to swim?
Inshallah water.
What do you call a small, Muslim house of worship located in Mexico?
A mosquito.
What kind of party do Muslims like?
A Mosque-erade.
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Muslims had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community, so the Pope offered a deal. He’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Muslim community. If the Muslims won, they could stay in Italy; and if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.
The Muslim people met and picked an aged and wise Mufti to represent them in the debate. However, as the Mufti didn’t speak Italian, and the Pope didn’t speak Arabic, they agreed that it would be a “silent” debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and Mufti sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Mufti looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his fingers around his head. The Mufti pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Mufti pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Moulana was too clever. The Muslims could stay in Italy.
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God! Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He beat me at every move and I could not continue!”
Meanwhile, the Muslim community gathered to ask the Mufti how he’d won. “I haven’t a clue,” the Mufti said. “First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him as they call it ‘the finger.’ Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Muslims and I told him that we were staying right here!”
“And then what?” asked a woman.
“Who knows?” said the Mufti. “He took out his lunch so I took out mine.”
How is Irish weather like a Muslim?
Its either Sunni or Shi’ite.
How does a Muslim administer a vaccine?
Hijabs.
Why shouldn’t you invest in Muslim-owned businesses?
They never show a prophet.
Recommended: Eid Jokes
What do you call a Muslim man in a freezer?
Feroze.
A young Muslim boy asks his dad, “What are you wearing on your head?”
The father replies, “Why, my son, this is a ‘chechia.’ In the desert, it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asks the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaims the father. “This is a ‘djellaba.’ As I have told you, the desert is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djellaba protects my entire body.”
The son then asks, “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
“These are ‘babouches,’ my son,” the father replies. “Although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet.”
The son asks, “And what is that black tent Mom and Sister are wearing?”
The father responds, “It’s called a burqa. It helps keep the hot desert sand from hitting the face during a sandstorm.”
“So tell me then,” the boy adds.
“Yes, my son…”
“Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?”
How do Muslims like to make their pizzas spicy?
They add halalapeño.
Fasting isn’t expected of Muslims until they reach puberty.
This means that absolutely all Muslim children… grow up too fast.
What would you call an ex-Muslim turned communist?
Infidel Castro.
Which US state do Muslims love?
Allahbama.
A small Muslim boy is lost in the supermarket.
So he runs to an employee and says, “I’ve lost my mother!”
The employee leans down and asks “What does your mother look like?”
The kid wipes his eyes and looks at the employee. “I have no f*cking idea.”
Boy: Dad how come there are no Jews, Christians, or Muslims in Star Trek?
Dad: Cause it’s the future son
Why are Muslims a lot like breakfast eggs?
If they aren’t Sunni side up, they’re probably Shiite.
What do you call it when a Muslim temporarily forgets that he’s not allowed to eat bacon?
Hamnesia.
What does a jinn have in common with gin?
They’re both spirits that a good Muslim doesn’t want in his house!
Seven-year-old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
“What’s your name,” asked the teacher. “Mohammad,” he replied. “You’re in Ireland now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Mike.”
Mohammad returned home after school. “How was your day, Mohammad,” his mother asked. “My name is not Mohammad. I’m in Ireland and now my name is Mike. “Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, and your religion? Shame on you!” And his mother beat the crap out of him. Then she called his father, who beat the crap out of him again.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his fresh bruises. “What happened to you, Mike?” she asked.
“Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two Muslims.
Where does a Muslim go to get drunk?
The Allahuak Bar.
One day, a Muslim man sees the face of Muhammad in a tub of margarine.
His neighbor from Nepal looks over and says, “I can’t believe it’s not Buddha!”
What’s a Muslim’s favorite answer on a multiple-choice exam?
D) Allah the above.
What good deed does a Muslim crow do?
Sadacaw-caw-caw!
A Muslim traveler goes to Europe and stops in an inn.
From behind the door, the innkeeper asks, “Who goes there?”
“Abu Jamal Muhammad ibn Harun al-Asad.”
“Go somewhere else; there’s not enough room here for all these folks!”
How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces?
Fabric softener.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite band?
Quran Quran.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite fruit?
A Quranberry.
A Muslim boy once asked his father, “Why is it that Jews can’t work on Saturday, Christians can’t work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?”
The dad looked down at his son and said, “God didn’t need to force us to take a break because, in His infinite wisdom, He knew we’d never work that much to begin with.”
What did one drunk Muslim say to another drunk Muslim?
“I’m Mohammad than you!”
A Christian, a Sikh, and a Muslim walk into a bar.
You’d have thought one of them would have seen it.
What does a Muslim fighter do?
Mashallahrts.
What do you call a grumpy Muslim?
Amin Amood.
A devout Muslim entered a cab in London.
He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio, because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music, because in the time of the prophet, there was no music especially Western music, which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, and opened the door. The Arab asked him, “What are you doing?” The cabbie answered,
“In the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so get off and wait for a camel!”
What do you call a crocodile a muslim can eat?
A halaligator.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite show?
It’s always sunni in philadelphia.
Italian luxury car manufacturer is bringing a line of woolen swimsuits for Muslim women.
Lamb burkinis will be available next summer.
Brother went to an elder and said, “Oh uncle, please pray to Allah for my hearing.”
So the uncle made dua, then blew into his hands and rubbed those hands on the brother’s ears.
“How is your hearing now?” asked the uncle.
“I don’t know, uncle, my hearing is not until next week!”
What does a Muslim boxer do?
Hijabs.
What did the imam say to the busy Muslim chef?
“Lettuce make Salad first!”
Why was the lemon outside of the mosque?
It was waiting for Asr prayer.
Do you have a funny Muslim Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
