30 Funny Oscar Pistorius Jokes That Sneak Up On You

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Jessica Amlee


Oscar Pistorius, famously known as “Blade Runner,” carved a name for himself in the annals of sports history as a trailblazing Paralympic sprinter. With prosthetic blades carrying him to glory, he dashed past limitations and into record books, becoming an emblem of the transcendent human spirit. His journey wasn’t without its hurdles, though, as his life took a sharp turn from athletic triumphs to a controversial trial that grabbed headlines worldwide. The former Paralympic champion will be freed from jail on January 5, 2024, (announced on November 24, 2023) about 11 years after he killed his partner. What happened next on the Internet is just dark humor, at this point.

Diving into the realm of Oscar Pistorius jokes is like entering a comedy marathon; there’s a stride for every style and taste. The narrative of Pistorius serves as a double-edged sword, where every quip can cut with incisive wit or provoke a reflective pause. The jokes often sprint on the edge, pushing boundaries while exploring the paradoxes of a hero’s fall from grace. Whether these jests earn a gold medal in humor or not, they certainly keep the conversation about legacy, morality, and the human condition on track.

Best Oscar Pistorius Jokes

Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?
Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, you take 5 shots.

Did you know that Oscar Pistorius is granted parole and going to be released from prison?
The conditions of his parole require him to wear an ankle monitor at all times.

Oscar Pistorius will remain under house arrest following his release from prison.
South African police have installed a cattle grid outside his home.

Oscar Pistorius is getting out on January 5th.
Lock Up Your Daughters (not in the toilet)!

Why are most people not surprised that Oscar Pistorius was released for good behavior?
Apparently, he never put a foot wrong the whole time he was inside.

Did you hear that Oscar Pistorius is going to release his autobiography?
In true South African style, he named it ‘The Long Crawl to Freedom’.

Why does Oscar Pistorius want a new bathroom door?
His girlfriend is dead against it.

Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
I wouldn’t surprise,
Oscar Pistorius.

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Reeva Steenkamp didn’t notice Oscar sneaking up behind her.
It was the silence of the limbs.

Did you hear about Oscar Pistorius?
Not the first South African with a race problem.

What’s next for Oscar now that he has been granted parole?
Whatever it is, let’s hope he lands on his feet.

Do you remember when Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able-bodied athletes?
Who knew he meant OJ Simpson?!

Knock, knock.
(Who’s There?)
Bang Bang.
(Bang Bang Who?)
Oscar Pistorius.

What should Oscar Pistorius’s enemies know about?
Just because he has no legs doesn’t mean he’s unarmed.

What’s not possible about Valentine’s Day?
That Oscar Pistorius is the first man to wake up legless on Valentine’s Day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she’s someone else!

Why did Oscar Pistorius kill his girlfriend?
Because she bought him shoes for Valentine’s.

What do you call a room full of dead people?
An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party… or… An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine’s Day Massacre.

The police had Pistorius locked in the interrogation room. After 4 grueling hours of questioning, Oscar continued to maintain his innocence.
Finally, the sergeant loses patience and says, “There was nobody else in your residence. If you didn’t shoot her, then damn it, who did.”
Pistorius replies, “I’m stumped.”

Did you hear about Oscar Pistorius’s incredible record of wins to his name?
Six gold medals, four silver medals, and one argument.

Let’s be honest.
Oscar Pistorius will never set foot in a prison.

OJ Simpson, Scott Peterson, and Oscar Pistorius walk into a bar.
All three order a Bloody Mary.

Roses are red,
Violets are Glorious,
Don’t play hide and go seek with Oscar Pistorius.

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Do you know what made Oscar Pistorius so angry at his girlfriend?
She was looking at another man’s legs.

Why did Oscar Pistorius lose his trial?
Because from a legal point, he didn’t have a leg to stand on.

What if Oscar Pistorius’s lower legs hadn’t been amputated?
He would have been an un-de-feeted champion.

Are we sure that Oscar Pistorius was the only one involved in the murder of his girlfriend?
Someone else may well have done the leg work.

What if they ever make a film on Oscar Pistorius?
It shouldn’t be called ‘Bladerunner’, it should be called ‘taking the Pisstorius’.

Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don’t ever sneak up,
On Oscar Pistorius.

What’s the difference between your girlfriend and an intruder?
Nothing because you’re Oscar Pistorius.

Oscar Pistorius has had a fortunate life in one regard.
He’s never been troubled by Athlete’s foot.

Recommnended: Funny No Arms No Legs Jokes

Why prison is the best place for Oscar Pistorius?
The toilets there don’t have doors.

Who is the only White South African to take a knee?
Oscar Pistorius.

What’s the quickest way to turn a blonde into a redhead?
Ask Oscar Pistorius.

Do you have a funny joke about Oscar Pistorius? Write down your own one-liners in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

2 thoughts on “30 Funny Oscar Pistorius Jokes That Sneak Up On You”

  1. A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, spent nearly 10 years in prison for murder. Now he gets parole and people are already making jokes about it. That’s prosthetic… I mean pathetic.

  2. “If you’d had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it,” I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.
    Then I realised that was in bad taste. Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?


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