90 Funny Zombie Jokes And Puns You Can’t Share With An Undead

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Jessica Amlee

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Slaves were sadly worked to death in the 17th and 18th centuries. They thought that after death, their spirits would be released into an afterlife and set free. Instead, they were sentenced to roam the Hispaniola farms in their undead bodies for the rest of their lives. As a result, the zombie was born. Let’s take a look at why zombies and their jokes are so hilarious.

For starters, because they are undead, they can take a battering that a living human cannot, resulting in obvious gold one-liners. Secondly, comedy thrives in stressful situations, and being hunted by a horde of zombies couldn’t be more stressful. And lastly, the film genre zombie comedy, often known as zom com or zomedy, which tries to fuse zombie horror concepts with slapstick comedy and dark humor. So the question arises do zombies like being dead? Of corpse!

Now that you know the background, let’s look at some of the best zombie puns on the internet.

Best Zombie Jokes

Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.

What room are zombies not allowed in?
The living room.

So God, a Jew, and a zombie walk into a bar…
The bartender says, “Hey Jesus.”

How do zombies without noses smell?

What does a vegetarian zombie eat?

What question did the man who killed dozen of zombies have on Halloween?
“Why were they all holding bags of candy?”

What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea?

Knock, knock!
(Who’s there?)
(Zombie who?)
Zombies make honey, zombies don’t.

We know that a single zombie is scary, but did you know that a row of zombies forms something even scarier?
It’s a deadline.

What did the zombie mom say to get her kid to eat their dinner?
“Eat your food, there are people in America with no brains at all.”

When a vegetarian turns into a zombie, what does it eat?
Coma patients.

What do you call a bunch of zombies dressed as Superheroes?
The Necro Comic-Con.

If people who only eat vegetables are vegetarian, what it means for zombies?
They are humanitarian.

What do dyslexic zombies eat?

What does a buff zombie want?

Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse?
Toothless zombies can’t bite.

What do you call a zombie making stir-fry?
Dead man woking.

What do you call a fast zombie?
A zoombie.

A zombie walks into a brain store.
On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers’ brains sells for $500 per pound, of Java programmers for $1000 per pound, and of PHP programmers for $1,000,000 per pound. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers’ brain is so much more expensive.
The brain store owner says, “Do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of the brain?”

Recommended: Halloween Jokes

What do you call a zombie that doesn’t crack Halloween Jokes?
Dead serious.

Beware of BMW owners during the zombie apocalypse.
They’ll never tell you when they’re turning.

How did the zombie know they won the lottery?
It was a dead giveaway.

What does a zombie with Dyslexia eat?

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he was turned into a zombie?
Yes, of course: “I’ll rot, I’ll rot, I’ll rot!”

What do you call a zombie that owes money?
The Walking Debt.

What do you call a zombie with a hickey?
A necromancer.

What do 1000 animated zombies eat?

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

What do you call zombie Donkey Kong?
Decay. (DK)

What does a zombie Karen love to do?

Why do zombies speak Latin?
Because it’s a dead language.

Why can’t zombies be arrested?
Because you’ll never take them alive.

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?
“I have made a grave mistake.”

Heard about the next series of Walking Dead in Greece?
It’s a total zombie Acropolis.

Two zombies begin chatting about their previous human life.
The first zombie goes on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second begins to walk regularly, not stumbling into everything. The first is taken aback and stares at him. “How… did you do that?” he wonders.
The second realizes what he’s doing and stops, looking back to the first, “Oh, I’m sorry. You just bored me back to life.”

Why shouldn’t you hang out with zombies on Halloween?
They make rotten friends.

What do you call a zombie with bags under their eyes?
The Yawning Dead.

Recommended: Frankenstein Jokes

What do you call a horde of undead llamas?
A zombie alpaca-lypse.

What beach do zombies like to visit?
The Dead Sea.

Why do zombies never leave any leftovers?
Because a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

How did the zombie know the answer to the question?
Because the question was a no-brainer.

Why are zombies free of labor?
They don’t need a living wage.

Why did the zombie win the marathon?
Because he was deadicated.

What do you call a zombie flower?
Don’t know but it rose from the dead.

Why are Zombies the best boyfriends?
Because chivalry is dead!

What do you call zombies living together?
Tomb mates.

Why do zombies go to Subway?
because they like to Eat Flesh.

What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
AHHHHHH! a zombie!

Recommended: Gourd Jokes

What was the name of the zombie a cappella group?
Resonant Evil.

What do you call a zombie father?
The Walking Dad.

Why did the zombie miss her wedding?
Cold feet.

How are zombies similar to intellectual men?
They both appreciate women for their brains, not their bodies.

Why did vegan zombies attack the hospital?
To eat their vegetables.

Hear about the two zombies eating Amy Schumer?
One looks up and says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
The other one replies, “No.”

How do zombies decide who goes first in a game of cards?
What’s left of the dealer.

Did you hear about the zombie missionaries?
They blessed the brains down in Africa.

Why are dyslexic zombies, such good plumbers?
Because they’re always looking for drains.

What’s a zombie’s favorite weather?

Heard about the man at the Halloween costume party who was dressed as a Harry Potter character and told that he was a zombie?
People thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.

Recommended: Alien Jokes

How was the zombie trying to convince his son to finish his dinner?
“A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

Why should everyone stop giving zombies a hard time?
They just want a piece of mind.

100 zombies walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “What’ll it be?”
The nearest zombies moan, “Braaaaiins.”
“Sorry folks, if I had any of those I’d have locked the place down when I first heard of the outbreak.”

What do zombie pirates eat?

Why aren’t there any zombies in the White House?
Because they feed on brains.

Why do hipsters prefer corpses over zombies?
Corpses are still underground.

What did the hair stylist say after becoming a zombie?

What is a zombie’s favorite Italian food?

What does it take to become a zombie?

What do you call a hotel for zombies?
A dead and breakfast.

What do you call a zombie that writes the music?

Who is Denmark’s greatest zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen.

What do you call zombies in Antarctica?
Icy dead people.

Recommended: Ghost Jokes

What do zombie college students eat?

A zombie was wandering through the woods hunting for food.
He found two men, one reading a book under a tree and the other typing away on his typewriter.
The zombie rushed to the man reading the book and began devouring him.
Because even a brain-dead zombie knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Why don’t you give a zombie mashed potatoes?
Because they’re already a little grave-y.

How do zombies eat healthier?
They switch to vegetarians.

What’s a zombie’s favorite fruit?
The Adam’s apple.

What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bawking Dead.

What is a zombie’s favorite exercise?

What do you call a zombie sleepover?
A mass grave.

What do two zombies do when they love each other very much?
They bury each other.

Why was the zombie embarrassed in bed?
It had resurrectile disfunction.

Do you know some watch zombie movies to prepare for weird events, however unlikely it may be?
The same is true for porn.

Recommended: Dirty Halloween Jokes

What do you call a zombie boner?
A reserection.

What does a zombie call a dick?
Junk food.

What do you call a zombie’s butt?
A dead end.

What do zombie perverts seek out in rest-stop bathrooms?
Gory holes.

Why do zombies make terrible sexual partners?
They only want head.

Although we understand that living in a post-apocalyptic world full of zombies would be a dang nightmare and ultimately tragic for you and your family, we can’t help but wonder how awesome it would be to live in a world full of slow-moving monsters you could run over with a truck and just go to town on with a sword.
If you have more such funny jokes on zombies then post them in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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