Fridays are the superheroes of the week, swooping in to save everyone from the endless cycle of school, work, and responsibilities. For kids, it’s the start of no-homework dreams (well, maybe just a little), and for adults, it’s the countdown to relaxing with a favorite snack or catching up on sleep. It’s the one day where everyone secretly agrees: life is better with a little Friday magic. And what’s better than Friday magic? Friday Jokes to make it even more fun!
Our Friday Jokes are like the sprinkles on a cupcake. They are simple, cheerful, and guaranteed to make everyone smile. For kids, they’re the perfect giggle material to share with friends, and for adults, they’re the lighthearted escape from a busy week. These jokes bring the whole family together, turning groans into laughs and setting the tone for a weekend full of fun.
Best Friday Jokes
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
A herd.
(A herd who?)
A herd it’s Friday, so here’s a collection of Friday Jokes.
A woman goes into a bar and says “T G I F, hey bar keep, give me a beer.”
The bartender replies, “S H I T. what would you like?
The woman says “uh, okay. I’ll have a lager. Whew, T G I F”
The bartender says, “S H I T, here you go,” and hands her the beer.
The woman starts to get irritated and says “why do you keep saying S H I T? I’m a lady and I think that’s rude. “
The bartender says “well you keep saying T G I F.”
“Well, thank god it’s Friday.” She says
“Sorry, honey, it’s Thursday.”
Did you hear that Friday was a sad day?
Turns out the next day was a sadder day.
This boss called his employee in and said “You’ve been late 5 days this week. Do you know what that means?”
He said, “I certainly do. IT’S FRIDAY!!!”
What’s the worst thing that can happen on Friday?
You realize it’s Thursday.
Why don’t people feel very strong on Friday?
That is a weak day.
Did you hear about the man who got fired from the unemployment office on Friday?
His boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
What day does the chicken hate the most?
Friday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Arrr those were the day’s.
Recommended: Thursday Jokes
Every Friday night, I sit down with sushi and a silky Pinot and binge watch 80s sitcoms.
Well look at that, I’m dating myself.
What’s the best day to eat bacon?
Friday.
Why do genetic researchers look forward to Fridays at the lab?
They can wear their genes to work that day.
Every Friday a guy would walk into a bar and order 3 beers.
Then he’d sit at a table, drinks each one by himself and leaves.
He does this every Friday for a few weeks until the bartender becomes so curious he has to ask the guy about this routine.
“Well, you see I have two buddies and we always would have a beer with each other when we were together. But now they’ve both moved to different parts of the country. We still keep up the tradition, where we’re at, and have just one beer for each of us on Friday nights.”
His curiosity satisfied the bartender goes back to serving his other customers..
This goes on for several months until one day the guy comes in and orders only 2 beers. Seeing how sad the fellow is the bartender brings him his 2 beers and offers condolences for his loss.
Confused the guy asks why the bartender was offering condolences.
“It’s just that since you normally order 3 beers, but tonight you only ordered 2. I just figured something must have happened to one of your buddies?”
“Oh no, we’re all just fine. It’s just that it’s Lent and I gave up drinking till Easter.”
Did you hear about Friday jokes?
They usually culminate in a weak end.
What do millennial Eskimos do Friday night with girls they like?
Net fish and chill.
My wife was worried that the fish she bought on Friday weren’t swimming together on Saturday
I told her not to worry. Saturday’s not a school day.
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Friday night?
Tell them a joke on Monday.
Recommended: Monday Jokes
Where do cows go on Friday nights?
They go to the moo-vies.
A man left for work one Friday morning.
Instead of going home after work, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After a while, she stopped nagging and said, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
“That would be fine with me”, he replied.
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
What did the nuclear scientist have for supper on Friday?
Fission chips.
The local prison only does electrocutions one day a week.
On Friday.
Where does Friday come before Thursday?
In a dictionary.
In what country is every day a Friday?
Grease.
On Friday, an elementary school teacher poses a challenge to her students.
“If you can tell me who said the following quote, they don’t have to come to school on Monday: ‘We have nothing to fear, but fear itself'”
A hand shoots up and little Billy Tran says “Franklin Delano Roosevelt”.
“Correct, Billy. You can have next Monday off” the teacher replies.
“I’m Vietnamese, we value education I’ll be here Monday”.
“Ok,” says the teacher. “Let’s try another one: ‘Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.'”
This time the hand of little Susie Hou rises.
“Abraham Lincoln”.
“Correct Susie,” the teacher asserts “Enjoy your day off”.
Susie says, “Oh no ma’am. I’m Chinese, we also value education I’ll be here early on Monday morning”.
“Fucking immigrants!” a voice says from the back.
“Who said that?!” the teacher snaps.
“Donald Trump…” says little Johnny “…I’ll see ya Tuesday”.
What do you call it when a Canadian has the same gravy, cheese, and French fries dish every Friday?
Their Poutine Routine.
What do Neanderthals do on Friday night?
Go clubbin.
What’s a potato’s favorite day?
Friday.
An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000”, the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by cheque. “I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”
“I know”, said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”
Jesus was born on Christmas, died on Good Friday, and rose on Easter.
What are the odds?!?!
Recommended: Good Friday Jokes
Judas: “Still on for Friday?”
Jesus: “Friday?”
Judas: “Yeah, the Last Supper.”
Jesus: “The what?”
Judas: “Supper. Normal supper with the fellas.”
Monday – Greg, Tuesday – Ian, Wednesday – Greg, Thursday – Ian, Friday – Greg, Saturday – Ian, Sunday – Greg
The Gregorian calendar.
What kind of meat does a priest eat on Fridays?
Nun.
A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they’ve been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman, and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says, “That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?”
The husband says, “I can bring her in on Monday and Wednesday, but on Friday I play golf.”
What’s the best music to play on Friday nights?
The Weeknd.
What is the difference between Monday and Friday?
Work starts on Monday. Life begins on Friday.
There was a major Black Friday sale at the LEGO store
People were lined up for blocks.
Recommended: Black Friday Jokes
Never understood the point of Black Friday.
Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month.
What is the only thing better than a Friday night?
A Monday holiday.
What did the employee say to his colleague when the busy week was about to end?
“Fri-nally!”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Friday.
(Friday who?)
Friday who loves you too.
What’s a hungry person’s favorite day of the week?
Pie-day.
How can a man leave home on Friday, stay away for 4 nights, and then return on Friday?
Friday is the name of his horse.
At Friday night’s services, Morris asks his friend Irving.
“I need a favor, I’m sleeping with the Rabbi’s wife. Can you hold him in the synagogue for an hour after services for me?”
Irving is not very fond of the idea but being Morris’ life-long friend, he reluctantly agrees. After services, he strikes up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. After some time the wise Rabbi becomes suspicious and asks, “Irving what are you really up to?”
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confesses to the Rabbi, “I’m sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife, right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The Rabbi smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Irving’s shoulder, and says, “You better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago.”
Is it true that if you get married on Friday the 13th, you will be unhappy?
Of course. Why should that day be an exception?
Recommended: Friday The 13th Jokes
There is a Forensic Autopsy conference going on this week.
Friday is open Mike night.
Did you hear about the drum party last Friday?
It was bangin’!
Why do you many like Fridays that much?
It is the best F-word ever after food.
What goes by slower than a boring movie?
The Friday afternoon.
When can Sunday feel like a Friday?
When you have a weekend job.
What is faster than the Flash?
Friday nights.
Why did the French person go to McDonalds?
It was French Fry-Day.
What did the lazy person do the day after Friday?
Sat.
Recommended: Saturday Jokes
A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling “TGIF!”
The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, “SPIT!” The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again, “TGIF!”
Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down after consuming it, and yells out, “SPIT!” This goes on for a while, and the bartender stands puzzled and annoyed.
Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, “Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means?” And the cowboy replies, “Hell ya I know what it means – ‘Thank God It’s Friday!'”
The bartender asks the Mexican guy, “Okay, so what does ‘SPIT’ mean?”
And the Mexican replies, “Stupid Pendejo It’s Thursday!”
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
What should you do when life gives you lemons?
Ask for more Friday nights instead.
What’s a funny fact about Friday?
You don’t work on Fridays. You make appearances.
If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday.
I want to exchange it for another Friday (with no meetings!)
What’s a weekend’s favorite dance move?
The Friday night slide.
Do you have a funny Friday Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
