40 Funny Good Friday Jokes Guaranteed to Make Your Day

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Jessica Amlee


The name “Good” Friday may seem unusual for a day marked by such a tragic event, but it is believed to have originated from the term “God’s Friday” or “Holy Friday,” eventually evolving into “Good Friday.” The day is just around the corner, and we know you’re looking for some jokes to share with your friends and get a few laughs. This year, why not spread some light-hearted and dark humor with these hilarious Good Friday jokes that are perfect for teens? You’ll find puns and wordplay that will have everyone in your friend group chuckling, and maybe even groaning a little.

From plays on words involving hot cross buns to clever twists on popular sayings, these jokes are perfect for adding a touch of fun to your Good Friday celebrations. So go ahead, share a laugh, and make this Good Friday a memorable one!

Best Good Friday Jokes

What did Roman soldiers say on a Good Friday?
“Nailed it!”

Please don’t make jokes about the crucifixion.
Unless you really nail the execution.

What is the only meat a Catholic Priest is allowed to eat on Good Friday?

How did Little Johnny celebrate Good Friday by honoring Jesus?
By doing the same thing he did today and hanging with his Bros.

Did you hear about the man who got hammered on Good Friday?
He woke up in a cave three days later.

How did Jesus get across Jerusalem on a busy Friday afternoon?
Cross traffic doesn’t stop.

Why did the blonde start looking for a new job?
Her boss texted they would be closed for Good Friday.

Isn’t it very strange and coincidental about Jesus?
That He was born on Christmas Day and died on Good Friday.

Friend: I would have gone to the party, but it was Good Friday.
Another friend: You could have made it a great Friday if you went to the party.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucification?

What do you say after you tell a really good Good Friday joke?
“Nailed it.”

On Good Friday, Jesus went to have his nails done.
The lady doing his nails asked, “What color do you want? Or how about a clear coat?”
Jesus replied, “Thanks, but really I just want the rust removed.”

What’s the difference between Jesus’ crucifixion and a cow?
You can’t milk a cow for 2000 years.

Do you know who would never call today “Good Friday”?

Recommended: Jesus Jokes

Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says
“Excuse me, but could you put me up for the night?”

If Jesus was real, what would they call the crucifixion?
They would call it crucifact.

What do you get when you cross two thieves with a carpenter?
Good Friday!

A man walks into a supermarket.
He found 20 quid outside the supermarket. As he picked it up, he felt a little guilty because it was Good Friday, and he wondered to himself, “What would Jesus do?”
So he turned it into wine.

Yo mama so fat, the crucifix can’t make it past her fupa.

Jesus: Hey Dad what did you think of my crucifixion?
God the Father: I am very proud of you, you nailed it.

Pity we can’t have Good Friday, Easter Sunday, Christmas Day, and Holocaust Memorial Day all on the same day.
Then we can celebrate all the sh*t that didn’t happen on the same day every year.

Why do you typically see Jesus wearing little more than a loincloth in depictions of the crucifixion?
Because if he were wearing any more he’d be a cross-dresser. Traditionally, Christians don’t approve of that much.

A man told his Christian friend to “Have a Good Friday.”
He didn’t catch his pun.
The man was not surprised. Jokes like this usually Pass Over his head.

Recommended: Passover Jokes

Why did the Romans bring bleach to Jesus’s crucifixion?
To prevent cross contamination.

Jesus is on the cross. Mary and Peter are at the foot of the cross, when Jesus looks down, and says, “Peter…I aigfisrianbjna…” Mary turns to Peter, and says, “Peter, we must have the Lord’s last words!” So, Peter climbs up and is at Jesus’ feet, and asks him to repeat what he just said.
Jesus mumbles, “Peter…I mwamwamha…” Frustrated, Peter climbs higher to Jesus’s chest, and again ask Jesus to repeat what he said. Again, Jesus tries to speak, “Peter, I mwamwawmwam….”
Peter, intent on having Jesus’ last words for posterity, climbs all the way up, presses his ear against Jesus’ mouth, and says, “Please, our Lord and Savior, tell me again what you are trying to say!”
Jesus leans in, his lips on Peter’s ear, and whispers, “Peter, I can see your house from here.

Why doesn’t Jesus like having the image of his crucifixion on church windows?
He’s in too much pane.

What is a person with a crucifixion fetish called?

What’s the difference between a crucifixion and a circumcision?
In a crucifixion you throw away the whole Jew.

What did one Roman soldier say to his boyfriend Roman soldier on Good Friday?
“You hang up first!”
“No, you hang up first!”
“No, YOU hang up first!!”

Why weren’t there multiple seasons of crucifixions?
People lost interest after the Pilate episode.

What if the Crucifixion was an Olympic event?
Judas would get the silver.

On Good Friday as Jesus looked down from his cross, and spoke out to his disciples.
“None of you c#nts touch my chocolate, I’ll be back on Monday.”

Recommended: Religious Easter Jokes

Why couldn’t Jesus escape his crucifixion?
Because he was King of the Jews, not King of the Jukes.

God and Jesus were hashing out the final details of his life on earth.
“The only thing remaining is to decide upon your mode of death,” said God. “Which do you prefer, crucifixion or killer bees?”
Jesus thought about it for a few minutes and said, “I think I will go with crucifixion.”
And that’s why Catholics around the world make the sign of the cross instead of running around, swatting themselves furiously and screaming “F*ck! F*ck! F*ck!”

At the time of Jesus’ crucifixion, he was both holy and holey.

If Hitler was Jesus, what’d his crucification banner read?
Nail polish remover.

Do you have another Good Friday joke? Post your own Good Friday puns in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

2 thoughts on “40 Funny Good Friday Jokes Guaranteed to Make Your Day”

  1. What did Jesus say before he died on the cross?
    “If this is called ‘Good Friday’, I hate to see a bad one!!”


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