Cannibals, often featured in tales and folklore, are individuals or creatures known for consuming members of their own species. While real cases of cannibalism in human history are rare and usually born out of extreme necessity or ritualistic practices, the concept of cannibals has taken on a life of its own in popular culture. They’re often portrayed as fearsome and uncivilized characters in horror stories and adventure tales, adding a dark, primal element to the narrative. In a lighter vein, the idea of cannibals has also been played up in various fictional contexts, where their unusual dietary preferences are used to create absurd and humorous situations, far removed from any real-world practices.
Cannibal jokes, then, are a curious blend of macabre and humor, serving up a side of wit with a cannibalistic twist. These jokes often involve ridiculous scenarios or puns that play on the idea of cannibals in a way that’s completely detached from reality, making the concept more palatable for a chuckle. They’re a way of poking fun at one of humanity’s taboo subjects, turning what is traditionally a dark topic into something light and humorous.
Best Cannibal Jokes
Who is a cannibal?
Someone who is fed up with people.
What did Spartacus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he’s gladiator.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Let’s eat.
(Let’s eat who?)
What are you a cannibal?!
What do cannibals call a womb?
A slow-cooker.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal.
One turns to the other and says, “I think we got this joke wrong.”
What did that cannibal do after eating his girlfriend?
He dumped her.
What do you call a cannibal who only eats coma patients?
A vegetarian.
Did you hear about the cannibal presidential debate?
It got postponed because one of the candidates ate something that didn’t agree with him.
Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?
Because he got cold feet.
What do cannibals call pregnant women?
Kinder surprise.
The cannibal said in his trial, “If I am what I eat…”
“Then I’m an innocent man.”
What is a cannibal’s favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
What happens when you are late to a cannibal party?
They will give you a cold shoulder.
How does a cannibal say hello?
He offers you a handshake.
What should a lion do to become a cannibal?
He must first swallow his pride.
What do you call a doctor who eats his vegetables?
A cannibal.
Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid.
One says to the other, “Does this taste a bit spoiled?”
A multinational firm recruits a cannibal tribe.
“You have complete rights as employees, but you’re not allowed to eat anyone,” the corporation warned them.
Things are going smoothly for a few weeks until the CEO summons the tribe to his office. The CEO says, “Someone has gone missing, according to reports. Did you consume them?”
The tribal chief consults with his people and says, “We haven’t eaten anyone, sir. It’s got to be a coincidence.”
The CEO is skeptical, but lacking evidence dismisses the tribe.
When they are no longer in contact with the other staff, the chief goes to his tribe and asks, “OK, which one of you fools did it?”
A tribesman sheepishly puts up his hands and admits, “I ate a secretary.”
The chief smacks the tribesman and yells, “You fool! We’ve been eating middle management for weeks and nobody has noticed. Then you had to go and eat someone that does actual work.”
What was Jeffrey Dahmer’s idea of fast food?
Usain Bolt.
Recommended: Jeffrey Dahmer Jokes
What do cannibals do at a wedding?
They toast the bride and groom.
What’s a cannibal with 4 kids?
A caterer.
What do cannibals like to be called instead?
“Humanitarians.”
What do you call a war between two cannibal tribes?
A food fight.
What does a cannibal do after eating a vegetable?
Goes on eBay to see how much the wheelchair sells for.
Two cannibals were eating Amy Schumer.
One says, “Does this taste funny to you?”
The other one goes, “No.”
What does a cannibal call a gymnast?
A well balanced breakfast.
What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?
A handful of crackers.
How do you help a cannibal?
By giving him a hand.
What did the cannibal say to 2 Mexicans?
“I thought I’d eat both of you but I only have room for Juan.”
Recommended: Mexican Jokes
How many cannibals does it take to screw in one light bulb?
No clue but one shouldn’t be in the dark with cannibals.
Did you hear about the missionary who went to visit the cannibals?
He gave them their first taste of Christianity.
An inmate went missing, and his cellmate, a cannibal, claimed he had eaten him.
The warden didn’t believe him, so the cannibal finally threw up his hands out of frustration.
What’s a cannibal’s favorite type of shampoo?
Head and shoulders.
Dave has become stuck on an island. As he stumbles across a local band of cannibals and their cannibal king seated on a golden throne, he begins aimlessly walking around and hiding among the bushes.
“I’m f*cked.” Eric murmurs to himself.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a wise old man appears. “No, you are not,” he says to Eric before picking up a little pebble from the ground. “You must throw this magical stone towards the cannibal king.”
Eric desperately throws the stone, striking the cannibal king in the face. He returns the old man’s stare. “What now?”
The wise old man smiles and says, “Ah, see, now you are screwed.”
Why did Spartacus give the cannibal a present?
It is Crixmas, after all.
Do you know why cannibals don’t eat divorced women?
They’re bitter.
What does a cannibal call a person in a good mood?
A happy meal.
Why do cannibals never go hungry?
Because they can make themselves dinner.
Why don’t cannibals eat vegetables?
They’re too hard to get out of the wheel chairs.
Recommended: No Arms No Legs Jokes
Why didn’t the cannibal eat the guy with no legs?
Because he was lacktoes intolerant.
What do cannibals call unvaccinated children?
Organic food.
Did you hear about an old cannibal saying?
“The more you eat, the lonelier you get.”
What did the narcissist say to the cannibal?
“I’m kind of a big meal.”
Three folks ended up stranded on a cannibal island.
They were shortly apprehended and told that they would be butchered, cooked, and eaten, and that their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but that they could pick how they died.
The first individual, a Britishman, made the decision to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman severed his head. After that, he was cooked, eaten, and skinned.
The second man, a Frenchman, decided he wanted to be shot. He was promptly shot, and his body suffered the same fate.
“I’d like to be stabbed all over with a fork till I die,” stated the third man, an American. A member of the tribe, perplexed, began stabbing him. The American was still alive after around 20 minutes. “Why?” exclaimed the tribesman. “Why did you choose this route to the grave?! Even though we’re cannibals, we don’t like seeing this kind of cruelty!”
The American looked up at the tribesman and said “F*ck your canoes!”
What kind of contractors do cannibals like?
Seasoned professionals.
What did the cannibal name his son?
Stew.
Why did the cannibal comedian hate playing gigs at retirement communities?
Tough crowd.
Recommended: Vegan Jokes
What does a cannibal life coach value in their clients?
Consistency.
A fashion designer was interviewing a cannibal.
“So what do you think would best complement a person?” asked the designer.
The cannibal replied, “Salt and pepper.”
What meal kit delivery service does a cannibal use?
Hello flesh.
What’s a cannibal’s favorite game?
Swallow the leader.
Why did the cannibals go to the crematorium?
To get a cup of instant soup.
Why did the cannibal always introduce his friends to each other?
Because he liked to have people meat.
Why do cannibals hate eating military men?
Every once in a while they get a colonel stuck in their teeth.
Two cannibals sat by a fire.
The first one says, “I’m going to become a vegan.”
The other one replies, “Me too.”
The first one says, “You do realize we have totally f*cked up this joke now it won’t be funny.”
The other one replies back, “Yeah well that’s vegans for you.”
What do Asi*n cannibals eat?
Rawmen.
Recommended: Asi*n Jokes
Why was the cannibal’s Chinese restaurant shut down?
For human rice violations.
Have you read the verse about cannibalism in the old testament?
2 Kings 8:1.
How do cannibals start their day?
With a cup of Joe.
Son: Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?
Dad: Why would you think that?
Son: Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.
Why don’t cannibals eat angry Germans?
Because they’re not fond of sour krauts.
Did you hear about the arrogant cannibal who started eating himself?
He was so full of himself.
Why don’t cannibals like eating clowns?
They taste funny.
What’s a cannibal’s favorite snack?
A knuckle sandwich.
A forest is a home to two cannibals.
They come across a huge fat missionary and smack him in the head with a rock. They’re overjoyed at the prospect of such a feast.
Being fair to one another, they decide that one will start at the feet and the other will start at the head; they’ll both work their way to the middle.
After a few minutes, the cannibal at the feet asks the other, “How’s the feast?”
“I’m having a ball!” says the other.
The cannibal at the feet says, “You’re eating too fast!”
What do you call a class that teaches how to cook and eat people?
A cannibal lecture.
Did you hear about the cannibal who threw a pile of funny bones into a boiling cauldron?
He made himself a laughing stock.
Why did the cannibal go to the gun shop?
He heard they dealt in arms.
What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
Captain Crunch.
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals blowing each other.
Recommended: Bl*wjob Jokes
What’s the opposite of a cannibal?
A can’tible.
Two missionaries are sitting in a cannibal’s cooking pot.
One says to the other, “I don’t know why you’re looking so pleased with yourself, we’re about to be eaten!”
The other replies, “I’ve just pissed in his soup.”
Why don’t cannibals attend pride parades?
Too much trans fat.
What did the vegetarian cannibal order as a side dish?
Cauliflower ears.
What was the cannibal’s favorite Disney song?
“You’ve got a friend in me.”
What is a cannibal’s favorite dessert?
A danish.
Why was Julius Caesar lucky that Brutus wasn’t a cannibal?
Because then he would have been et, too.
What’s a cannibal’s favorite instrument?
The organ.
A cannibal invites a friend around for dinner.
As they’re tucking into the starter, the guest says, “Wow. Your wife make a lovely stew.”
“I know,” answers the host. “I sure will miss her.”
What’re a cannibal’s favorite sports?
Handball and Football.
Why don’t cannibals eat gay or brain-dead people?
They don’t like fruits or vegetables
Recommended: Gay Puns
What do you call a cannibal social gathering?
A meat and eat!
What is a cannibal’s favorite part of a party?
The finger food.
A kid cannibal comes running up to his mom, “Mommy! Mommy! Daddy has a bruise on his leg!”
The mom says, “Shut up and eat around it!”
One cannibal says to the other cannibal, “Hey I ate a missionary the other day and he gave me an upset stomach.”
The second cannibal says, “That’s too bad. How’d you cook him?”
The first cannibal says, “Oh, I threw him in the giant pot of boiling water like always.”
The second cannibal says. “Makes sense. And what did he look like?”
The first cannibal says, “The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals.”
And the second cannibal says, “Well there’s your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar.”
Why does the cannibal kid doesn’t have friends?
Because they never play with food.
Where do cannibals get free supper?
In the trash of an abortion clinic.
What does a cannibal say to himself when he sees a newborn baby?
“Born Appetit.”
Why won’t cannibals eat redheads?
They don’t want gingervitis.
Recommended: Redhead Jokes
Three guys are stranded on an island populated with cannibals.
The king of the cannibals tells them that there is a way to get out of the island if they accomplish a certain task.
So the king says to the three men, “Collect ten of any single type of fruit and bring them to me.”
The three men quickly get to work and start looking for fruits. The first man that returns has 10 bananas and offers them to the king.
But the king tells him, “It’s not over yet. You are to insert all the fruits in your an*s without showing any emotions. If you laugh or cry, we will eat you.”
The man hesitates but proceeds to insert the 10 bananas up his an*s. 1….2….- But it’s too painful and he cries out of agony. The cannibals eat him instantly.
The second guy that returns has collected 10 cherries. The king also tells him to do the same thing and that the first guy that returned was eaten for crying. The second guy is happy because he is certain he can insert all the cherries in because of their small size. So he proceeds to insert the cherries with ease.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9..- But the second guy starts laughing and the cannibals also eat him.
In heaven, the first and second guy meet and discuss their unbelievable misfortune. Halfway through the conversation, the first guy says to the second guy, “I was watching you from up here and I saw that you nearly completed the task but all of a sudden you laughed. Why?”
To which the second guy replies, “I saw the third guy bringing pineapples.”
What’s a h*rny cannibal’s favorite meal?
Breasket.
Why don’t Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
They give them gas.
Did you like these jokes about cannibalism? Let us know your witty puns and one-liners.
I am in class, telling my friends these jokes.
At the barbecue, the busy cannibal chef asked:
“Can you give me a hand?”
Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.