90 Funny Elf Jokes Straight from the North Pole

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Jessica Amlee

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Elves are a quintessential part of the Christmas tradition, often depicted as Santa Claus’s helpers. They play a crucial role in the holiday lore, busy at work in the North Pole making toys and preparing for Santa’s annual journey around the world. These whimsical beings are typically portrayed as small, with pointy ears and green or red attire, embodying the spirit of Christmas through their hard work and cheerful demeanor. Elves have become symbols of the magic and wonder of the season, capturing the imaginations of children and adults alike with their playful antics and festive spirit.

Elf jokes bring a sprinkle of this whimsical charm to holiday humor. They often play on the elves’ mischievous nature or their tiny stature, imagining the lighter side of life at the North Pole. These jokes are a fun way to add some laughter to the holiday season, shared among family and friends during Christmas celebrations. With a blend of playful teasing and festive cheer, elf jokes capture the essence of the holiday’s magic, reminding us of the joy and whimsy that these endearing characters bring to the Christmas narrative.

Best Elf Jokes

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

Why wasn’t the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree?
Because of ‘elf and safety restrictions.

Yo mama so poor by the time you got an elf on the shelf, it was Christmas.

How do elves measure their height?
In Santa-meters!

There was an accident at Santa’s workshop and a bookcase collapsed.
Now there’s a shelf on an elf.

What does an elf have for his birthday?

What did Santa say when he caught an elf stealing toys?
“Don’t be elfish!”

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Elf who?)
Elf I knock again will you let me in?

How many elves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just say, “The time of the bulb is fading,” and do nothing.

Why does no one like child Elves?
They’re too elvish with their toys.

Did you hear about the elf that fell in love with a dwarf?
They say she got arrested for sleeping with a miner.

What’s the rudest type of Elf?
The GofuckyoursELF.

Did you hear about Santa’s elf who shoots rockets from his feet?
His name is Missile Toe.

What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs?
Whatever the hell you want. He can’t hear you.

How does Santa sort his books?

When is a pixie not a pixie?
When she’s got her head down an elf’s pants, then she’s a goblin.

A human, an elf, and a dwarf walk into a bar.
The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Elves who?)
Elves that need directions to the North Pole!

What do you call a female elf?

What do you call an Elf that just won the lottery?

Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks?
Because he was Legoless.

What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper.

A man seeks medical attention for incontinence.
Man: Doc, I’ve got a problem. In the middle of the night, I keep peeing in bed.
Doctor: Why is that? What’s the issue?
Man: Well, this little elf appears in the middle of the night, around midnight. He climbs into my bed, approaches my ear, and asks, “Did you pee yet?” I say, “No.” “Well, what are you waiting for?” he asks. That’s when I have to pee.

What sort of elf lives in a can?
A sprite.

What is Father Christmas’s tax status?

When is an elf not an elf?
When he’s got his head up a fairy’s skirt, then he’s a goblin.

What do you call a disappointed Elf?
A Bummer.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Elf who?)
Elf me wrap this present!

What kind of money do elves use?
Jingle bills.

What do elves learn in preschool?
Not the elf-abet, no; they don’t learn anything because they don’t exist.

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?
Santa would never free an elf.

An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer.
“Hey look, everyone! It’s an elf!” the bartender exclaims.
“I’m sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect,” the elf says. “We prefer to be called subordinate clauses.”

What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?

What do you call an elf with a personal trainer?

What kind of jokes would a depressed elf tell?

What does German Santa Claus have in his workshop?

Who’s Santas favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.

Why do elves laugh when they run?
Because the snow tickles their balls.

Why are elves, such great motivational speakers?
They have plenty of elf-confidence.

Recommended: Funny Twas the Night Before Christmas Jokes

Doc: This is very simple. Don’t do anything different tonight. Go to bed, and when the elf appears and asks if you’ve peed, simply say “yes,” and the problem will be solved.
So the guy returns home and goes to bed. The elf arrives right on time, around midnight. He climbs onto the bed and whispers something into the man’s ear.
Elf: Did you pee yet?
Man: Yes.
Elf: Did you poop?
Man: No.
Elf: Well what are you waiting for?!

Is Eminem an elf?
Because he is a wrap god.

How do elves wash their hands?
With Santa-tiser.

At Santa’s workshop, there are no Christmas bonuses. Why not?
Because they’re all elf-employed.

What do you call a house elf that edits documents?
A-Dobby (Adobe).

What would you call Dobby, the house elf, if he were a really good speaker?

What do you get when you mix an elf and a Scientologist?
Elrond Hubbard.

What do the Elves call their friends living by the sea?

Yo mama so clumsy, when she tried to help in Santa’s workshop, the elves declared it a safety hazard!

Santa walks into the North Pole bar, takes a seat, and asks the bartender for his most famous shot.
The bartender pours out something that looks like candy cane. “It’s called ‘Elf Cum’.”
Santa cringes, but downs it and remarks, “Gee, that’s really good, but why do you call it ‘Elf Cum’?”
The bartender replies, “When I tested it out with Mrs. Claus, she said, ‘That tastes just like Elf cum!”

Recommended: Grinch Jokes

Why do you never see Father Christmas in a hospital?
He has private elf care.

What’s the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?
Mensch on a bench.

How did you learn archery?
I’m elf-taught.

Hero: I swear I will have my revenge for the death of my brother!
Elf: You have my bow.
Dwarf: And my axe.
Necromancer: And your brother.

What’s the difference between Cardi B and an elf?
An elf can wrap.

To what animal does an elf need to connect to become a real creature?
To an Ant. It becomes an elphant.

Why was the quiet elf on the wall?
Because he was a “shh”-elf.

An Orc and an Elf are sitting at a tavern looking at a pretty hobbit girl.
“I took her on a date last night,” bragged the Orc. “And she let me reach under the table and diddle her hairy twat!”
“Liar.” Says the Elf. “It’s true! She loved it. Go ask her.” Says the Orc.
So the Elf approaches the pretty Hobbit. “Is it true that you went on a date with that Orc?”
“Oh yes, he was wonderful.” Says the hobbit. “Best foot massage I ever had.”

Did you hear about Legolas’ murder trial?
He was innocent. Turns out it was elf defense.

Why was Santa forced to shut his grotto?
He was being investigated by the Elf and Safety Executive.

What did Han Solo say to the Keebler elf who complained he couldn’t understand Chewbacca?
“Sorry friend, that’s the way the Wookiee mumbles.”

Recommended: Snowman Jokes

How do you enslave a house elf?
By doing its laundry.

What type of elf is the most chill?
The high elf.

Two elves walk into Santa’s office.
“Gary, Larry, how can I assist you?” Santa asks. Gary and Larry exchange glances before turning to face Santa.
“Santa,” Gary inquires, “do you have any elf nuns in the workshop?” “No, I’m sorry, but there are no elf nuns in the workshop,” Santa says after checking a list.
“Well, Santa, are there any elf nuns working anywhere in the compound?” Gary inquires. “I’m sorry, but there are no elf nuns working in the compound,” Santa says after checking a list.
Gary turns to Larry and inquires, “Santa, are there any elf nuns in the North Pole?” Santa considers his list for a few moments before saying, “I’m sorry Gary, but there aren’t any elf nuns in the North Pole.”
Larry finally busts out laughing and says, “See? I knew you f#cked a penguin!”

How do Santa’s helpers pay for their groceries?
Elf Checkout.

What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?
A metrognome.

What do you call an elf that goes rogue?
A rebel without a Claus.

Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing “From Satan” on children’s New Year presents.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Elf who?)
Elf on the shelf.

Why can’t you borrow money from an elf?
Because they’re always a little short.

A dwarf, an elf, and a man are wading a river.
The elf says, “Wow, the water reaches up to my waist!”
The man says, “Well it reaches my chest.”
The dwarf says nothing.

Recommended: Short People Jokes

What do you call a dyslexic Ghost Rider?
Elf Rider, because he would’ve sold his soul to Santa!

Santa’s elves do not live at the North Pole full-time. Where do they live during the summer?
In Philad-elf-ia.

Why did the elf turn the naughty list into a spreadsheet?
He was told to make a Yule log.

What is an elf’s favorite sport?
North-pole vaulting.

What do you call a pre-teen elf?

What type of elf has lots of books?
A bookshelf.

Why did they say that “Dobby is free”?
Because they were having a sale at the elf store.

How do you stop an elf from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

How do you catch an elf who fell from a cliff?
A pitchfork.

Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it’s in Decembrrrrr.

Recommended: December Jokes

Santa wakes in a start and turns to Mrs. Claus.
“I just had the weirdest dream, and I can’t make any sense of it.”
Mrs. Claus sits up and replies “Why don’t you tell me about it, dear?”
“They’re I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It’s just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?”
“Oh I see,” Mrs. Claus says, “very interesting.”
“Well?” Santa says expectantly.
“This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy.”

How do you make an elf horny?
Fairy moans.

Did Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer go to school?
No, he was elf-taught.

What’s funnier than a dead elf?
A dead elf in a clown costume.

What do you call an elf nailed to the wall?

What’s the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Recommended: Reindeer Jokes

What kind of laptop do elves use?
A Rivendell.

Did you guys hear about the elf who got tangled up in sleigh bells on his way back to Santa’s workshop?
They said he jingled all the way.

If an elf speaks elvish to other elves, does a milf speak milvish to other milves?
Speak, son’s college roommate, and enter.

Have a better elf joke? Let us know your own witty puns and one-liners.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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