Farming involves a lot of steps and it needs a lot of careful planning and a lot of time and effort to have a successful harvest. Modern technology might have lifted some weight off the shoulders of our dear farmers but it’s still a lot of hard work. In ancient Egypt, harvesting time was a time of intense labor for the farmers because, at that point in time, reapers were used to cut the ripe corn with wooden sickles edged with sharp flints. Women and children used to follow behind the reapers to collect any fallen years of corn. So, the whole family had to contribute to the processes involved in pre and post-harvesting.
Harvesting can take a long time. Late nights in the combine, and early quiet mornings are ideal times to laugh or have a chuckle. We’ve gathered some hilarious harvest jokes for your enjoyment.
Funny Harvesting Jokes
How do you harvest crops in the winter?
With an ice sickle.
What’s the opposite of a hetero scythe?
A bi sickle.
How do aliens harvest their crops?
With tractor beams.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Did you hear about the farmer who planted crops in a boat?
It sprung a leek.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
“I have a gambling problem.”
Why isn’t cotton ready for harvest in March?
Because it’s still Lint.
What do you call a harvest of dad jokes?
What did the farmer say before quitting?
“I have never liked this croppy work environment, but this day’s harvest is the final straw.”
Why was the farmer arrested in Portland?
He was Oregon Harvesting.
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How does a bubble farmer harvest his or her crops?
With a Popsickle.
Why did the pumpkin win first place at the harvest festival?
The judges said that it was gourd-geous.
Why is a farmer’s tractor dying while harvesting isn’t all bad?
He can tell people that he is outstanding in his field.
Why didn’t the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What did the poker-playing farmer say?
Weed ’em and reap.
What kind of vest should you wear in the fall?
What’s the difference between a scythe and a sickle?
One is a weapon, and the other needs to be paired with a hammer.
What do you call a stand-up comedian who got a degree in agriculture?
He got a job on a funny farm.
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After a successful harvest, a farmer decides to treat his wife to a barrel of wine.
He brings it home and places it outside their cottage to celebrate his and his wife’s success.
The farmer wakes up the next day to find the barrel only half full, despite the fact that they’d only had a few glasses each. Outraged by the thievery, he posts a sign that reads, “Farmer Joe owns this wine. Thieves will be shot.”
He and his wife continue their celebration that evening, satisfied. The next morning, however, the barrel is only a quarter full, and the farmer is furious. “Honey, you’re doing everything wrong,” his wife says. She creates a new sign that reads, “Piss barrel. Do not drink!” The farmer laughs at her cunning idea that no one in their right mind would steal from the barrel.
The farmer returns the next morning to check the contents, hoping he hasn’t lost any more wine and discovers the barrel is once again full.
What happens when you weep over a poor apple harvest?
You grow a pear.
What did the corn farmer say after he had a particularly good harvest?
There’s polenta more where that came from.
What were the results for the company which started harvesting moisture from plants?
The business hasn’t been great, but they’re making dew.
A Communist Party official visits a collective farm to register a potato harvest.
“Comrade farmer, how is the harvest this year?” inquires the official.
“Oh, by God’s grace, we’ve had mountains of potatoes,” says the farmer.
“But there is no God,” the official responds.
“Huh,” says the farmer, “and there are no potato mountains either.”
Why couldn’t Lil Sebastian make a speech at the harvest festival?
He was a little horse.
Who is a grain harvester’s favorite musical artist?
What’s the middle ground between a hetero scythe and a gay knife?
A bi sickle.
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What do you call when a cow stumbles upon a marijuana field about to get harvested?
It quickly turned into a high steak situation.
Recently, a farmer purchases a combine harvester.
He accidentally cuts his finger off while inspecting a blade one day.
So his wife picks up the finger and drives him to the hospital. The doctor examines it and performs microsurgery to reattach it like new.
A few weeks later, the farmer has his leg amputated. Panicky, the wife places the swollen leg in a plastic bag and rushes her husband back to the hospital. The doctor says, “Yes, microsurgery is the way to go,” and the farmer follows the doctor’s advice.
Sometime later, he slips and falls head first into the harvester, where he is decapitated. The wife is in tears and bags up the head before taking it to the doctor again. When asked if he can perform microsurgery, the doctor shakes his head sadly, picking up the plastic bag with the farmer’s head.
“He died of suffocation.”
What is the best way to harvest an amond tree?
You shake the L out of it.
What did one witch say to the other at the harvest festival?
What did the farmer’s wife say when her husband suddenly drops to the ground while harvesting his lettuce field?
His wife runs over and screams; “I think he’s having a Caesar!”
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A farmer is having a difficult harvest season.
It was a poor yield. He’s trying to figure out how to tell his wife and children. They’re going to lose the house. They might go hungry. They worked so hard tilling the fields and breaking their backs, but they have nothing to show for it. He recalls all the hours of his kids’ childhood he stole from them for nothing. He has never felt such regret and known such agony. He returns home and prays for his family’s future and begs God’s forgiveness for whatever sin caused him this trouble.
God hears him and feels sorry for him. He dispatches Jesus in his divine overalls, and Jesus plants an entire field of corn, which grows to maturity overnight. After a day of hard work, Jesus returns home and sleeps soundly. The farmer returns to his field the next morning and discovers enough corn to feed not only his family but the entire town.
He looks out at the field and exclaims, “Holy crop!”
Why do you get into a fight with the firemen?
They keep harvesting your cat tree.
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?
That’s the harvest part.
Heard that there’s an Australian tea harvested from the tops of Eucalyptus trees.
It’s pretty high koala tea.
Two women were picking carrots.
“This one reminds me of my husband!” exclaimed one of them as she pulled a large carrot from the ground.
“So big?” asked her friend.
“No, so dirty,” replied the woman.
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What do you call Optimus Prime when it can convert into Combine Harvester?
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Why did the farmer not trust his Combine Harvester?
It kept bailing on him.
There used to be a farmer a long, long time ago.
He used to grow wheat, and the quality of his crop was unrivaled. He was famous throughout the world for his top-quality wheat harvest.
Until this fateful day, everything was going smoothly for him. On this day, his most bitter rival stole all of his wheat in the middle of the night. Nothing was left on the field. He was broken because wheat was his only source of income. But there was nothing that could be done now. So he fell asleep, and I cried.
The following day, however, he read the most shocking headline in the newspaper. The man who had stolen his wheat had died of a severe headache. A severe headache that caused his head to explode.
The farmer couldn’t figure out how that happened at first. Then it struck him, “He had migraine.”
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What do you call a joke about harvesting?
Let us know your best jokes and puns on harvesting in the comment box below.