Double meanings are the sly foxes of the adult conversation forest, sneaking in that extra layer of ‘naughty’ under a blanket of everyday chit-chat. They’re the words that make you do a double-take — one minute you’re talking about gardening and the next, well, let’s just say the hedges aren’t the only thing that’s getting trimmed. It’s a game of nudge-nudge, wink-wink, where the fun lies in the hidden corners of language, and where grown-ups can giggle like schoolkids at the back of the bus, all while keeping a straight face.
Double meaning jokes are the life of the party in grown-up circles, where a little mischief in the mix is always welcome. They deliver a quick one-two punch of humor: first the innocent setup, then the mischievous twist, leaving you to wonder how you didn’t see it coming. These jokes have a special talent for turning the mundane into a giggle-fest, proving that sometimes the best punchline is the one you have to think twice about. They’re a wink across the room that says, “I know what you’re thinking,” and the shared laughter that follows is as much about the connection as it is about the joke itself.
Best Double Meaning Jokes in English
What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head?
You call her an Uber, that’s what you do.
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Why is a parking lot like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken so you stick it in the disabl*d one and hope nobody notices.
What is 6.9?
A good thing ruined by a period.
Life could be worse, you could be an egg.
Get laid once,
Get smashed once,
And the only bird to sit on your face is your mum.
How do you lure a pervert?
Just add a list of double meaning jokes.
Why are chess players good in bed?
They can find up to 8 G spots for their queen.
How does an alchemist get his wife off?
Elixir.
A man leaving his apartment building runs into his female neighbor on the elevator.
“Good morning, what are you up to today?” he asks.
She replies, “I’m going down to give blood.”
“How much do you get paid for giving blood?” he asks.
“About $20 a pint,” she says.
“Hmm …,” the man, says. “I’m going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon.”
The woman is left with a questioning expression on her face as the man leaves the elevator.
The next day they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, “So, where are you off today?”
“Fmerm mank,” she says, with her mouth full.
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre.
What’s the worst profession to sleep with your patient?
Animal taxidermist.
What’s the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snowballs.
How did pinnochio figure out he was made of wood?
His right hand caught on fire.
An army officer is having a heartfelt conversation with his wife in the kitchen before heading off for another long deployment.
“Sweetheart, I’m about to be away for another year.”
“Oh, I’ll miss you terribly!”
“I’ll miss you too,” he says with a mischievous glance at her chest, “And these lovely ladies of yours.”
Blushing, she suggests, “Why not give them a little attention now to make up for the coming year?”
His face lights up, “Absolutely! I’ll dedicate a squeeze for every month I’ll be away.”
He begins, “May,” squeeze, “June,” squeeze, “July,” and so on, naming every month.
Suddenly, he notices their 10-year-old son, Michael, standing beside them. Hastily retracting his hands, the wife exclaims, “Oh my goodness, Michael, when did you get here?”
After a moment of thoughtful silence, the kid responds, “Umm… Mid-September?”
Why do dancers wear loose trousers?
For the ballroom.
How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Hand him a used tampon and ask him what period it’s from.
What should you do if you come across a Tiger in the jungle?
Wipe it off and apologize.
Why is Minnie Mouse so happy?
Because Mickey has a STEAMBOAT WILLIE.
A little girl realizes she’s grown hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly explained, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” The girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.” Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”
What is one catchphrase that a condom manufacturing company should never use?
Tried and Tested!
What do you call a girl with dirty knees?
Head Girl.
Why was the bride so quiet on her wedding night?
She was taught never to talk with her mouth full.
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What do KFC and women have in common?
After you’re done with the breast and the thighs all you have is a greasy box to stick your bone in…!
What do a Gynaecologist and a Pizza Deliverer have in common?
Both of them can smell it, but not taste it.
What do a puppy dog and a near-sighted gynecologist have in common?
A wet nose.
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast.
Because they live on a farm, his mother inquires if he has completed his tasks.
“Not yet,” Little Johnny said.
His mother forbids him from eating breakfast until he completes his responsibilities.
He’s a little irritated, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one of them.
He goes to feed the cows and kicks one of them.
He goes to feed the pigs and kicks one of them.
He returns to the kitchen for breakfast, and his mother serves him a bowl of dry cereal.
“What happened to the eggs and bacon? Why is there no milk in my cereal?” he inquires.
“Well, I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week,” his mother replies. “I saw you kick the pig, therefore you’re out of bacon for a week as well. I also saw you kick the cow, so you won’t be getting milk for a week.”
His father arrives for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”
Why are men good thinkers, and women such good talkers?
Because men have two heads, and women have two pairs of lips.
What is the similarity between Physics and Sex?
Both may provide some practical outcomes, but that is not why we do it.
How can you postpone a sperm bank appointment?
Just pick up the phone and tell them that you can’t come.
Why Sex education in schools should be banned?
See everything is fine until the kids start receiving homework.
Guy: Do you mind if I buy you a drink?
Girl: I’m sorry, but I can’t drink because it hurts my legs.
Guy: Is it true that they swell?
Girl: No, I don’t think so. They began to spread.
Little Johnny in a letter to Santa: Please send me a sibling.
Santa replied: OK, send me your mum.
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On a nudist beach, how do you detect the blind guy?
It’s not hard.
A 6-year-old kid was laughing at his mom’s ID card.
Sex: F
He laughs.
Mother: What’s so funny?
Kid: I can’t believe you are so bad at it that you failed.
How is pregnancy similar to success?
Everyone congratulates you, but no one knows how many times you were screwed in the process.
What is the difference between government taxes and your wife?
Five years on, the taxes will still suck you.
GF: I’m soaked, baby.
BF: Would you like a paper towel?
GF: No, I’m looking for more.
BF: Would you like two paper towels?
GF: No, sweetie, I’m looking for something huge and round.
BF: Are you serious? Do you want the whole roll?
“Dad, where did all of my brains come from?” a little child said of his father.
The father spoke up. “Well, I guess you got it from your mother because I still have mine.”
Why is Santa Claus always so cheerful?
He knows where all the naughty ladies stay.
Who is the best goalkeeper in the world?
All women since they never allow balls to enter.
Girl: Why do men fart quite louder than women?
Boy: Why, so?
Girl: Because they have two speakers and a microphone.
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What’s the difference between a water bottle and a pregnant woman?
You can actually unscrew the water bottle.
When do boys ask a girl for her hand?
When they’ve had enough of theirs!
Little Johnny to Sunny Leone: Ma’am you have a Mansion in Los Angeles, a yacht, and multiple brand endorsements. What do you do?
Sunny: Not much. Just a ‘hole-sale’ business.
Do you know why the Bikini was invented?
To separate the diary section from the meat section.
What starts with an ‘S’ and ends with a ‘K’ and you can’t enjoy it until you put it in your mouth?
Snack.
What has to be rubbed, again and again, round and round, the more you do it the better for you and for others?
Handwash.
What is the difference between your uncle’s jokes and his pen*s?
His jokes aren’t funny to anyone.
What’s the difference between a condom and your husband?
Condoms have progressed and are no longer as thick and insensitive.
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Teacher: Give me the opposite of this sentence ‘Kids in back seats cause accidents.’
Student: Accidents in the backseat cause kids.
Wife: Do you want to try a new position tonight?
Husband: Sure, why not? Let’s see how it goes.
Wife: All right, I’ll sit on the couch and watch TV while you stand at the sink and wash the dishes.
If Women are similar to fruits with each having distinct terms of shape, size, aroma, and flavor, what’s the problem?
The problem is that men want fruit salad.
Why are women more talkative than men?
Because they have four lips.
Why are men smarter than women?
Because they have two heads.
BF: Babe, is it in?
GF: Yeah.
BF: Does it hurt?
GF: Uh-huh.
BF: Let me put it in slowly.
GF: It still hurts.
BF: Okay, we’ll try another shoe size.
Which two things in the air can get a woman pregnant?
As per scientists, her legs.
Why can’t Miss Piggy count to seventy?
Because at sixty-nine she gets a frog in her throat.
Where are pissing contests held?
At the urena.
John, one of Mia’s coworkers, has been harassing her. She informs her boss that he has been bothering her, and he asks, “What does he do?”
“He often tells me my hair smells wonderful,” she says.
“That’s not really sexual harassment,” her employer responds.
“He’s three feet tall,” Mia says.
A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre.
And the bartender gives it to her.
What led to the wife of the carpenter leaving him?
He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.
Why is 88 superior to 69?
Because you get ate twice.
What is wet on the inside and hairy on the outside? It starts with ‘C’, ends with ‘T’, and has a ‘U’ and an ‘N’ in the middle.
Coconut.
The first-grade teacher instructs her children to come to the chalkboard and draw anything that creates a lot of enthusiasm and uproar. Little Johnny approaches and just places a dot on the chalkboard. “What is that?” inquires the teacher. “It’s a period,” Little Johnny responds. “Why does it produce excitement and commotion?” asks the teacher. “It doesn’t, but my sister said she missed one this morning, and my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the guy next door shot himself,” explains Little Johnny.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
“Sorry, it’s going to take me a second to get hard. I just got laid by some chick!”
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat?
Kicked outta the petting zoo.
What is it called when the Pope uses the bathroom?
A holy sh*t.
A wife calls a friend to seek a solution to her husband’s dandruff condition.
“Oh, just give your hubby the Head and Shoulders,” says the friend.
The wife replies, “Oh, okay.”
She phones her friend again 15 minutes later and says, “Excuse me for asking again, but how do you give shoulders?”
How is a pickpocket different from a peeping tom?
A pickpocket snatches watches.
What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.
Child: Father! What does “gay” mean?
Father: It means happy.
Son: Dad are you gay?
Father: No son I have a wife.
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What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator don’t fart when you pull the meat out.
“I want to try doggy tonight,” a husband offers to his wife over breakfast.
Surprisingly, the wife agrees.
So, that night, both of them are ecstatic, and the husband prepares a nice supper for his wife. They go upstairs to bed after finishing their supper. “Night night sweetheart,” the husband says as he reaches down to kiss his wife on the cheek.
Baffled, the wife turns on her bedside lamp and replies, “What? What about the doggy?”
In response, the hubby says, “I can’t believe you liked that so much that you want more. I’m sorry, but there are none left; I’ll cook it for you again next week.”
What did the elephant ask the naked man?
“How do you breathe through that thing?”
As a couple prepares for bed one night, the husband taps his wife on the shoulder and begins massaging her arm. “I’m sorry honey, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to keep fresh,” the wife says as she rolls over. Rejected, the husband rolls over and attempts to sleep. He lays back over and taps his wife again a few minutes later.
“Do you have a dentist appointment too?” he asks again in her ear.
Who is the most popular man in the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry 2 drinks and 4 donuts.
And who is the most popular woman in the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.
In a town, a Viagra delivery van was robbed.
Police have advised homeowners to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and her fetus have in common?
They’re both thinking, “My mom’s gonna kill me!”
What’s hard, long, and full of seamen?
A submarine.
What do you do if your partner starts smoking?
Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.
How is an oral thermometer different from a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message.
She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise!
What is 6 inches and leaves white stuff all over your face?
A toothbrush.
What’s the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until at least 13 to come on a boy’s face.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs.
What does an Asi*n couple name their baby when he comes out black?
Sum Ting Wong.
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What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a washing machine?
When you dump a load in the washing machine, it doesn’t follow you around.
“Doctor, my a** hurts,” a man says as he steps into the doctor’s office.
“OK, tell me where,” the doctor says.
“Right around the door”
“Sir, I believe it will hurt as long as you keep calling it the entrance.”
Do you know what’s “reverse exorcism”?
It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on their brooms.
One day, a man approaches his wife and says “I’ve never said anything before, honey, but I need to know. I’ve observed that Jack looks different from the rest of our seven children. Is Jack’s father different from that of his siblings?”
“Yes, I admit it, he does,” the wife says.
“Who is his father?” asks the husband.
“You are,” says the wife.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering A minor.
What do you call a bee that makes milk instead of honey?
Boo-bee.
Why does Santa need a large sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
We hope you liked these Double meaning jokes for adults. Let us know in the comment section below.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over.
Nobody was home.