99 Funny It’s So Cold Jokes Guaranteed To Cause Meltdown

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Jessica Amlee

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“It’s so cold” is a common phrase uttered during the winter months, especially in regions where temperatures plummet dramatically. This time of year is characterized by snowfall, ice, and the need for warm clothing like heavy coats, hats, and gloves. Winter’s chill can be biting, often making even the simplest tasks like getting out of bed or walking the dog feel like a herculean effort. Despite the discomfort it often brings, the cold season is also a time for cozy fires, hot beverages, and enjoying the beauty of snow-covered landscapes. In this frosty atmosphere, humor becomes a warm companion, helping people to laugh off the challenges of the freezing weather.

“It’s so cold” jokes are a humorous way to express just how chilly it feels. These jokes typically exaggerate the effects of the cold in a playful manner, turning the winter’s bite into a source of shared laughter. They’re a staple during the colder months, often heard in casual conversations, at workplaces, or during family gatherings. By making light of the freezing temperatures, “It’s so cold” jokes not only bring a bit of warmth through laughter but also help in bonding over the shared experience of braving the cold season. These jokes are a reminder that even in the chilliest of times, a good laugh can be just the thing to keep the spirits high In case it is not enough, you can head over to read some cold jokes which are fun too.

How Cold Is It?

  1. It’s so cold, my nipples could cut through diamonds.
  2. It’s so cold outside, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
  3. It’s so cold, I contracted gonorrhea just for the burning sensation.
  4. It’s so cold that my cat just gave birth to mittens.
  5. It’s so cold, Canadians are admitting that it’s cold.
  6. It’s so cold outside, even the ATM shows minus.
  7. It’s so cold outside, the local flasher just described himself to me.
  8. It’s so cold outside, that today I was mugged by a guy using a water pistol.
  9. It’s so cold that I can see my farts.
  10. It’s so cold, Harvey Weinstein is keeping his hands to himself.
  11. It’s so cold, I put my pizza in the freezer to warm it up.
  12. It’s so cold, Miley Cyrus actually put clothes on.
  13. It’s so cold, people are actually visiting HumorNama for dad jokes.
  14. It’s so cold, my phone’s weather app froze.
  15. It’s so cold, people are starting to wear 2 pairs of pajamas to Walmart.
  16. It’s so cold, a brass monkey was asking where the nearest welding shop was.
  17. It’s so cold, I switched to ‘Hot Yoga’ from Regular Yoga.
  18. It’s so cold outside, I brushed against a car in the parking lot and accidentally keyed it with my nipple.
  19. It’s so cold outside that you could rob me with a bucket of water right now.
  20. It’s so cold that I want to get angry and fight so I can feel the ‘Heat of the moment.’
  21. It’s so cold, the hookers downtown are charging 20€ to blow your hands.
  22. It’s so cold that my room-temperature water now tastes like refrigerated water.
  23. It’s so cold, the only food I want to eat is HotDog.
  24. It’s so cold that even my blanket needs a blanket.
  25. It’s so cold that, I am switching to ‘Hotmail’ from Gmail.

Recommended: It’s Colder Than Jokes

  1. It’s so cold that even Victoria’s Secret models started sweaters and pants during their ramp walk instead of bikinis.
  2. It’s so cold that the only person I am missing right now is HEATh ledger.
  3. It’s so cold, even Vampires coming out in the sunlight.
  4. It’s so cold, when I stood up my balls sounded like an ice maker dropping a couple of cubes into an empty glass.
  5. It’s so cold outside, one of my teens agreed that it was cold.
  6. It’s so cold, fire hydrants are hoping male dogs will happen by.
  7. It’s so cold, I’m using my boobs as hand warmers.
  8. It’s so cold, if you don’t finish your cup of coffee in two minutes then it’ll be iced coffee. 
  9. It’s so cold my pee froze in mid-stream.
  10. It’s so cold that I’m experiencing puberty in reverse.
  11. It’s so cold, my testicles have become ovaries.
  12. It’s so cold, the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
  13. It’s so cold, tropical vacations in Igloolik are advertised by the travel agency.
  14. It’s so cold, I open the fridge to heat the house.
  15. It’s so cold, terrorists have begun stockpiling weapons-grade hot chocolate.
  16. It’s so cold outside that when the police told a robber to freeze, he did.
  17. It’s so cold, I saw Amish folks buying electric blankets.
  18. It’s so cold, someone spilling a piping hot cup of coffee on my lap is something I actually like.
  19. It’s so cold, trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
  20. It’s so cold, my dental fillings became dislodged as a result of the constant shivering.
  21. It’s so cold, cops are tazing themselves.
  22. It’s so cold, the students at school have flannel notebooks.
  23. It’s so cold, people look forward to getting a fever.
  24. It’s so cold, a performer at an open-mic was struck by frozen tomatoes and taken to the hospital right away!
  25. It’s so cold outside, pet stores are selling penguins, seals, and polar bears.
  26. It’s so cold that in search of wolves with warm breath, lemmings are migrating.
  27. It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
  28. It’s so cold outside, when kids went outside to play, they could only go as far as the extension cord would allow!
  29. It’s so cold outside, even the snowmen are wearing coats and boots.
  30. It’s so cold outside that the radio is broadcasting iceberg warnings to motorists.
  31. It’s so cold, the local graveyard put heaters out for the spirits and ghosts.
  32. It’s so cold, castanets are abandoned by Spanish dancers in favor of their chattering teeth.
  33. It’s so cold, people with spiked hair are apprehended for carrying a dangerous weapon.
  34. It’s so cold, mommy almost turned into a mummy.
  35. It’s so cold inside, people are swapping their pillows for a grill.
  36. It’s so cold outside, groping in a crowd is acceptable as long as you wore big woolly mittens.
  37. It’s so cold outside, the trash resisted being taken out despite my best efforts.
  38. It’s so cold, a herd of reindeer stormed into the travel agency in search of new migration routes.
  39. It’s so cold, sheep are demanding their wool back.
  40. It’s so cold, hunters are returning home empty-handed because bullets would not leave the warmth of the gun barrel.
  41. It’s so cold, glaciers slowly creep and knock on my door for shelter.
  42. It’s so cold, instead of yelling “freeze”, the cops just yelled, “Go outside!”
  43. It’s so cold, kids are putting on skates to move around the house.
  44. It’s so cold, instead of rainbows we have snowbows.
  45. It’s so cold, Emperor penguins have started drinking hot chocolate.
  46. It’s so cold, my car wouldn’t run – but my nose wouldn’t stop.
  47. It’s so cold that when I switched on the shower, I got hailed.
  48. It’s so cold, my heating bill came with the warning, “Sit down before opening!”
  49. It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the anesthetist instructed me to take a peek out the hospital window.
  50. It’s so cold that along with the bill, the gas company sent me a letter of condolence.
  51. It’s so cold, cows are delivering ice cream.
  52. It’s so cold, pyromaniacs rose to prominence in the community.
  53. It’s so cold, with the purchase of eyeglasses, the optometrist will provide free ice scrapers.
  54. It’s so cold, my goldfish asked for an underwater volcano.
  55. It’s so cold in the park, squirrels are hurling themselves against the electric fence.
  56. It’s so cold, our Golden Retriever moved his blanket from the dog house to the bbq.
  57. It’s so cold, teens are embarrassed by goose pimples rather than acne.
  58. It’s so cold, healthy people were kissing COVID victims hoping for a fever.
  59. It’s so cold that I had to break the smoke off my chimney.
  60. It’s so cold, kids are playing checkers with tea candles.
  61. It’s so cold, Lady Liberty tucked her torch inside her dress.
  62. It’s so cold, turkeys were stuffing bread crumbs under their wings and vying to be the first to go into the oven.
  63. It’s so cold, Sikhs were wearing fur turbans.
  64. It’s so cold, the cost of Mexican food quadrupled as the demand for hot things rose.
  65. It’s so cold, hypothermia is no more a thing – it’s cryonics that you have to watch out for!
  66. It’s so cold, my family is afraid to sleep because they might not wake up until 2062.
  67. It’s so cold that the Arctic Terns circled and returned to Antarctica.
  68. It’s so cold that to accommodate the additional socks, six larger sizes of shoes are being purchased.
  69. It’s so cold outside, the bald are wearing two hairpieces.
  70. It’s so cold that my heating bill is higher than my mortgage.
  71. It’s so cold, the flashers are describing themselves to people.
  72. It’s so cold out, even the ducks have their down jackets on.
  73. It’s so cold I just saw a teenager with their pants pulled up.
  74. It’s so cold that I saw two beagles with jumper cables trying to get a rabbit started.
  75. It’s so cold outside, I saw a Romanian with her hand in her own pocket.

Have a better it’s so cold joke? Please leave your one-liners and puns in the comments!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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