Rude humor is like that one uncle who says wild stuff at family dinners—loud, awkward, and somehow hilarious. It skips the polite stuff and dives straight into the chaos. Offensive jokes are the louder version, breaking rules and testing limits, all while trying to make you laugh and cringe.
Our rude jokes don’t care who’s listening or watching. They crash the party, make fun of everyone, and leave before anyone gets too mad. Some people love them, others panic, but when the mood’s right, they steal the show and leave behind guilty giggles.
Most Offensive Jokes
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What is the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On the school bus the little pricks are on the inside.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful.
B*tches love it when you call them beautiful.
Dwarves that are offended easily should just grow up.
Why don’t libraries have books about suicide?
Because they would never get returned.
I guess there is one distinct advantage to living in a redneck family.
Only one person has to be tested at the STD clinic.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ha, that’s a silly question, feminists can’t change anything.
Recommended: Dark Humor Jokes
There was a homeless man sleeping inside a big cardboard box outside the train station this morning.
Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.
He immediately woke up and said, “Thank you.”
“No problem.” I smiled.
He looked at me again and said, “It’s empty.”
I said, “I know, it’s meant to be a chimney.”
Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.
The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
What do you call an epileptic on a merry-go-round?
A Fidget Spinner.
Why do Japanese people squint?
Because the Atom Bomb is bright.
What’s the difference between a cow & slavery?
You can’t milk a cow for over 150 Years.
What is the connection between Waluigi and a Simp?
Both are never going to smash…
What is the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?
At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
At 78 — What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???
Recommended: Dark Dad Jokes
What’s the difference between racism and Asians?
Racism has many faces.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her?
They rearranged the furniture.
Today, nose strips are used to remove bl*ckheads.
200 years ago, guillotines did the trick.
Why can’t feminists do algebra?
When they see an x and a y, they get triggered.
A man goes into a bar where loud music is playing.
He spots a pretty girl at the end of the bar and approaches her. “Would you like to dance?” he asks her.
“I really don’t like this song,” she replies, “and even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you.”
“I don’t think you heard me correctly,” says the man. “I said you look fat in those pants.”
What do you call a revolution in Africa?
Ooga Boogaloo.
For orphans, every bag of chips is family sized.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A Fridge doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
Recommended: Morbid Jokes
What’s a cancer patient’s favourite coffee?
Cappuchemo.
What animal has five legs?
A pitbull coming from a playground.
A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying, “If my mom were a cow and my dad was a bull, I’d be a little calf.…”
“If my mom were a hen and my dad was a chicken, I’d be a little chick. If my mom were a deer and my dad was a buck, I’d be a little deer. If my mom were a duck and my dad was a goose, I’d be a little duckling.”
The annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy, saying, “What if your mom was a drunk and your dad was a bum?”
The boy responds, “Then I’d be a bus driver.”
What do priests and dentists have in common?
They both tell children to open wide.
You know the razor blade works when there are no reviews on Amazon.
The Europeans saw a bat and made Dracula.
The Americans saw a bat and made Batman. But those Chinese made f*cking soup.
Why do dis@bled kids always get bullied?
The can’t stand up for themselves
Recommended: Dark Knock Knock Jokes
What did the tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up b*tches.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove box.
We should respect the fat acceptance movement for how unique it is.
It’s the only movement without movement.
A Korean man walks into a bar
A man comes up to him and punches him in the face. “That was for Pearl Harbor.”
“What? That was the Japanese. I’m Korean.”
“Chinese, Vietnamese, Burmese… it’s all the same.”
The Korean punches him back. “That was for the Titanic.”
“What? I’m Jewish.”
“Steinberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg, iceberg… it’s all the same.”
An Emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the Emo.
Why do Chinese people have Chinese babies?
Because two Wongs don’t make a white.
Why are Americans so dumb?
Because they shoot the ones who go to school.
Is Google a man or a woman?
Obviously a woman because it won’t let you finish your sentence without offering suggestions.
Recommended: Racist Jokes
Stop saying that your life is a joke.
It’s not, jokes have meaning.
How can you tell if a Mexican is having a seizure?
Listen for maracas.
What’s the fastest land animal in the world?
A Jew with a coupon.
How are children like cellphones?
If you lose one and don’t find it in a couple of days, it’s probably dead.
What’s better than winning gold at the Special Olympics?
CRAYONS!
How do you treat a woman like a princess?
Put her into a Mercedes and crash it into a wall.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students?
A PDF file.
Recommended: Orphan Jokes
V*rginity is a lot like rational thinking.
If you happen to visit the church regularly, you’ll probably lose it before you’re 14.
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A smoothie maker.
How do you piss of an archaeologist?
Hand him a used tampon and ask what period it came from.
What song played at Osama bin laden’s funeral?
Under the sea!
Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends?
Because they can’t defend their towers.
What was the autistic child doing on the ground?
His Best.
Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?
Because there are targets on every corner.
What did the Gender fluid teenager get for Christmas?
Ignored.
Recommended: Dark Yo Mama Jokes
Do you know why Snape never taught herbology?
Because he couldn’t keep his Lilly alive.
What has one finger and is very demanding?
A ransom note.
Why is a gun better than a woman?
You can put a silencer on a gun.
What type of music are homeless people unable to hear?
House music.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the Feminists Convention.
What do you do after you finish a magazine in a hospital?
Reload.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Gagged.
What is ironic about the LGBT flag?
All the colors are straight.
What’s America’s oldest red wine?
“I want my land back”.
Why do fat girls give better head?
Because they have to.
What’s the best way to bring out your inner child?
A coat hanger.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
They say a woman’s work is never done.
maybe that’s why they get paid less.
The US is having so many disasters and tragedies..
It’s almost as if it were built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost wifi connection.
Why do Indian women have dots on their foreheads?
So their husband can scratch it off on at their wedding to see if he won a gas station, hotel, or a convenience store.
How do you change the sides of a pentagon?
Intersect it with a plane.
Why haven’t any women landed on the moon?
It doesn’t need cleaning yet.
How do you kill a pet rock?
Tie a bunch of kittens to it and throw it in the river.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
The first is a superhero. The other is a command!
Why are pills white?
Because they work.
Do you have an offensive joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
