120 Dark Orphan Jokes That Need No Parental Guidance

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Jessica Amlee


An orphan is someone, typically a child, who has lost their parents through death or has been abandoned by them. This often results in the child being cared for by other relatives, foster care, or orphanages. The experience of being an orphan comes with a multitude of emotional, psychological, and social challenges. These individuals may face unique struggles as they navigate life without the traditional family structure. However, many orphans overcome these challenges with remarkable resilience, and their stories can be inspiring tales of strength and perseverance. While the topic is inherently sensitive, it has been approached in various literary and cinematic works, sometimes with a touch of humor to lighten the narrative.

Dark orphan jokes are something that people don’t really understand, it is right up there with Engineering, Chartered Accountancy, Medicine, Pharmacy, and Architecture. However, a sizable section of the population enjoys putting a humorous twist on grim subjects such as death, agony, deformities, catastrophes, and other such issues.

Those often assume that people who appreciate dark puns are mentally ill and, more significantly, insensitive. Many people believe that these people just lack the mental capacity to process sorrow and, as a result, do not engage in the social rituals that go along with it. Reality, on the other hand, is the polar opposite. After a study of 150 participants, researchers at the Medical University of Vienna concluded that those with the highest grasp and appreciation of sick humor scored higher on IQ tests, were better educated, and had lower levels of violence and bad mood. Similarly, the truth is that folks who enjoy orphan jokes analyze their ideas and emotions at a higher level than what conventional conventions dictate. We’d rather laugh about it than cry or beat our chests about it.

Making a joke about anything serious necessitates accepting reality and processing it to the point where you are at ease with it. These are the best orphan jokes on the Internet. So, if you are still reading this then I think we have a similar dark sense of humor.

Funny Orphan Jokes

What do you call an orphan’s family tree?
A stump.

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.

What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors?
Surrounded by loved ones.

Yo mama so ugly when she was an orphan she went to St. Joseph’s Home for the Visually Unpleasant.

What’s the only food orphans have never eaten?
Homemade food.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Your Dad.
Haha! No you little shit calm down!

What would the movie be called if Kevin McCallister were an orphan?
No home and all alone.

Why is Spotify premium costly for orphans?
Cause they can’t opt for the family plan.

A politician running for office was asked about his policy on liquor.
He answered, “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the body, ruins the mind, destroys the family, and creates criminals, then I’m against it!
But if you mean the beautiful drink used for a wedding toast, the foundation of a fun Friday night, and the biggest source of tax revenue to fund needy orphans, then I’m for it! And I won’t change my mind, no matter what you say.”

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.

What part is usually missing in an orphan’s computer system?

What is the movie orphans relate to the most?
Spider-Man: No way home.

Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.

Why don’t people leave orphans alone from dark humor?
So people can company orphans from loneliness.

What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?

What do you call a cannibal who eats his parents?
….an orphan.

Why are orphans unable to work at S.C Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.

Kim Jong-un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student, “Who is your father?
The student replies “The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father.”
Kim Jong beams. “Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?”
The student doesn’t hesitate. “The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilizations, she is our only mother.”
Kim Jong applauds. “What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you’re older?”
The student replies, “An orphan.”

What’s an orphan’s favorite event?

Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?
They won’t be found because no one will look for them.

Recommended: Adoption Jokes

Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who’s there?
Not your parents.

Why does an orphans’ calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.

What’s an orphan’s favorite movie character?
Harry Potter.

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: OOOF!
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your Parents.

Why are orphans so fond of tennis?
It’s the only place they can get love.

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

What did the underage poker player say to the elder?
“Will you raise me?”

How did the orphan gain fame?
They said, “Go Big or Go Home.”

What is the difference between a Dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want it.

Why did the Orphans’ first phone be an iPhone X?
Because it didn’t have a home button.

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How do you make an orphan’s hand bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

Why can’t orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they are not wanted.

What is the other word for an orphan?

Why are orphans unable to participate in school field trips?
Parent Signature: _.

What’s a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.

One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah what gave me away?”
Jim said,” His parents.”

What do you call a virgin from Alabama?
An orphan.

What caused the orphaned girl to cry during sex?
Cause his boyfriend asked, “who’s your daddy?”

Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find a home.

Ukrainian orphaned kids relocating to Scotland.
From one hellhole to another.

Is it possible for orphans to go on an away trip?
No, because they already are on one.

What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?

Do you know what the F in “orphan” stands for?

What is the difference between an Orphan and an Apple?
An apple gets picked.

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

I despise it when a couple has a minor quarrel and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What did one of the orphans say to the other?

Why couldn’t an orphan under the age of 18 access an adult website?
Since you need your parent’s consent to enter.

What do orphans get at Xmas?

Who isn’t allowed to watch PG movies?

What is the safest place to crack yo mama jokes?

Recommended: Yo Mama Jokes

Who eats alone at a family dinner?
An orphan.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They don’t know where home is.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.

Why do orphans like to play GTA?
Cause they like to be wanted.

What did the doctor tell an orphan?
“I wish I could help you but I’m a family doctor and you’re an orphan.”

What is the upside to being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family size.

What’s an orphan’s favorite Hollywood movie?
Home Alone.

What movie is an orphan’s least favorite?
The crime comedy film We’re the Millers.

Why did the Computer lab assistant didn’t mind orphans using the Internet in his first class?
They were downloading their dads.

What was the orphan’s reason for going to church?
So as a result, he had someone to address as Father.

Orphans bake bread with what kind of flour?

Why are boomerangs so popular among orphans?
Because they return.

What do an Alzheimer’s patient and an orphan have in common?
Both don’t know who their parents are.

Judge: You will now be sentenced for the assassination of your parents.
Accused: Your honor, please consider a light punishment.
Judge: But why is that?
Because I’m an orphan.

What do you call a priest who grew up as an orphan?
Father Les.

Why are orphans such bad poker players?
They have no concept of a full house.

What do you name a family reunion of an orphan?
Me time.

What is the least favorite song of an orphan?
‘Family Is Family’ by Kacey Musgraves.

What is the similarity between a cuckoo and an orphan?
Both don’t know their parents.

What is the least favorite television show of an orphan?
The animated sitcom Family Guy.

What store is an orphan’s least favorite?
Home Depot.

Why do orphans eat their cereal with water?
Because their father failed to return with the milk.

Is there any other benefit to being an orphan?
The teacher is unable to assign homework to you.

Is there any other benefit to being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Which Spiderman movie does an orphan like?
Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Girl: Dad, how can one marry an entire family?
Dad: Marry an orphan, kid.

The orphan kid starts crying after seeing test results
Teacher: Don’t worry your parents won’t say a thing.

Why shouldn’t you discuss family problems with orphans?
They wouldn’t understand.

When is the best time to hit an orphan?
When their parents aren’t looking.

What do an orphan’s parents have in common with Nemo?
They all cannot be found.

Why can’t orphans be gay?
They don’t have anyone to call daddy.

What’s big, bounces, about and makes little kids cry?
My donation check to the orphanage.

Why did the blind orphan walk across the street by himself?
He wanted to visit his parents on the other side of the street.

What do you name an orphan who has been subjected to heinous parental abuse?
A paradox.

Why were the orphans thrown out of the restaurant?
It was a family restaurant, thus.

What is the best way to care for an orphan?
It’s best if you hand it on to someone else to look after.

What is it about the movie series Fast & Furious that orphans despise?
Because of the importance of family.

What did the atheist orphan say after receiving the Oscars?
“I have no one but myself to thank.”

Right out of the orphanage, I kidnapped an orphan.
I was charged with shoplifting and found guilty.

Orphans should always go to France for holiday. Why?
Because they have nothing Toulouse.

What is the best April Fools’ Day joke for an orphan?
Tell him/her that their parents came back.

If orphans made phones, they wouldn’t have a home button.

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Dark Orphanage Jokes

Do you know why it’s called an orphanage?
Because they couldn’t call it an orphan home.

What is the orphanage’s most popular computer game?
Need for Speed: Most Wanted.

Tonight at the orphanage, there will be wild celebrations.
The parents are not in the house.

Why does Robert have 100 brothers?
He lives in an orphanage.

What is a cannibal’s preferred takeaway shop?
The orphanage.

As they entered the orphanage, what did the catholic priest say to the other catholic priest?
Let’s go for some prey.

A young girl and a dog are abandoned at an orphanage.
But she started crying before going in. But why?
Because the people came back for their dog.

Where do orphans go to find new parents?
Family Dollar.

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Orphanages should be built near cemeteries so that orphans can see their parents.

Today, the England football squad paid a visit to a Muslim orphanage. “It’s very awful to see their sad, hopeless expressions,” Assad, who is seven years old, said.

Yesterday, I saw a child crying.
I asked, “Where his parents were?”
The next day, I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

“I’m sorry Prince Andrew. This is a ward for orphans and quadriplegic children with terminal diseases. Carrying that is forbidden and you will have to leave”
“Carrying what is forbidden?!”
“An erection”

Girl: Come over, my parents aren’t home.
Boy: Something, we have in common now.

I have designed a website for orphans.
So there isn’t a home page.

Today, the orphanage where I work burned down, killing fifty children.
Thank fuck I don’t have to tell their parents.

Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage.
Kid: Why are you doing that?
Dad: So you won’t get bored there

What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?

What is the favorite band of orphans?
Foster the People.

On one side of a busy highway, there was an orphan, and its parents were on the other. What route does it take to reach its parents?
It can’t since they don’t have parents.

You give birth to a child who is orphaned. What exactly does that imply about you?

What should be the alternate title of the movie Batman v Superman?
The unstable orphan vs stable one.

How will you sum up the movie Captain America: Civil War?
Two superhuman war criminals beat up an orphan with heart problems after one of them killed his parents.

Where do they send orphaned baby chicks?
Foster Farms.

Hope you liked the above list of best orphan jokes. Let us know in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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