Celebrated on August 11th, Presidential Jokes Day is a humorous occasion that commemorates the day in 1984 when then-President Ronald Reagan made a joke during a microphone sound check that he had “signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever,” and that “we begin bombing in five minutes.” His offhand quip, though not intended for public broadcast, was leaked and it sent shockwaves globally. This day now serves as a humorous reminder of the occasional gaffes made by our leaders.
Presidential Jokes Day is a unique occasion that combines the dignity of the highest office in the land with the humanizing touch of humor. These jokes often revolve around policy decisions, speeches, or personal traits of the presidents and offer a lighthearted way to engage with political discourse. It’s an enjoyable way to appreciate the lighter side of politics.
These political jokes not only offer comic relief in the mostly serious world of politics but also serve as a testament to the freedom of speech. Even the most powerful people can be subjected to a harmless jest or two. These jokes highlight the quirks and idiosyncrasies of those in power, reminding us that presidents, like us, are human.
Best Presidential Jokes
What’s the Presidential ventilator called?
Forced Air One.
What does a Canadian think about the US Presidential Debate?
It feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbors debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Jefferson.
(Jefferson who?)
Jefferson in time for the Presidential Jokes Day!
What did Nixon say when asked to help with the presidential dinner?
“I am not a cook!”
Yo mama so stupid, when Bush became president, she thought they were talking about the plant.
Among all the US Presidents, Grover Cleveland had the shortest term.
He was the twenty second president.
Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible.
After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says “Ok, I’ll bite. Why are you invisible?”
Barack says, “Well, I found a bottle on the beach and…then I rubbed it. And then…importantly…A genie came out. The genie said I could have…3 wishes.”
“For my first wish, I said, ‘Let me say this, and this is profoundly important…I want Michelle to marry me…I love her,…and I think America will love her too.’ That wish was granted.
For my second wish, I said ‘Like all patriotic Americans, I am deeply patriotic…and I want to be President…of the United States…so I can serve my country.’ That wish was granted too.
And then, for my third wish, I started by saying ‘Let me be clear…’”
What did Ronald Reagan’s wife say when he asked her if she wanted a new herb garden?
“Oh-Reagan-no!”
What does a presidential candidate who can’t get his votes up suffer from?
Electile dysfunction.
Yo mama so fat, she elected a chef for president.
Who would win in a street fight between Joe Biden and Donald Trump?
Everyone watching.
What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?
“Pardon me.”
What do John F Kennedy and Bill Clinton have in common?
Both of their political careers ended with a stained dress.
George Bush dies and goes to hell.
Satan is already waiting for him. “Well, I don’t know what to do. See, you’re on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I’ll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren’t as bad as you are… I guess I’ll let one go and you’ll take their place. However, you can choose whose place you want to take.”
“Oh, that sounds okay I guess,” says Bush. Satan leads him to the first room and opens the door. In this room, there’s a huge swimming pool. In it, Reagan is drowning. He goes down, then up, then down, then up, and he’s gasping for air all the while. “Oh, no,” says Bush. “That’s not for me, I’m a poor swimmer.”
Satan opens the second door. The room is full of rocks and they see Nixon trying to break up the rocks with a wooden hammer. “Nah, I have problems with my shoulders and my back, that’d be such a painful thing to do day after day.” So Satan opens the third door. In the room, they see Clinton lying on the floor, all tied up. Monica Lewinsky is lying on top of Clinton, giving him a bl*wjob. Bush stares at the scene with a wide smile and says, “Ah, that I could endure!”
“Alright,” laughs Satan. “Monica, you’re free to go!”
Why did President Kennedy never get drunk?
He wasn’t very good at taking shots.
Did you know that Harry Truman was a comedian before he became President of the United States?
Apparently, he was super successful in the US. But he bombed in Japan.
Yo mama so dumb, she wore jogging shoes in order to run for president.
What did Franklin D. Roosevelt say after he dropped his pickle?
“I want a new dill.”
Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached.
You could say it was unpresidented.
Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail?
Because he was in a cent.
When Bill and Hillary Clinton got married, Bill informed Hillary that he had a shoebox under the bed, and she was never to open it under any circumstances. Hillary agreed and promised to never open the box.
Hillary respected his wish as the years went by and kept her promise. But after several years of marriage, Hillary’s curiosity got the best of her. She opened the box and found several hundred dollars in cash, and a couple of empty beer cans.
She felt guilty, and confessed to Bill that she had opened the shoebox, apologizing profusely. Bill said it was okay, but Hillary asked him, “What are the beer cans for?”
Bill replies “Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I drank a beer and promised never to do it again.” Hillary is taken aback, but not surprised. She thought well there was Monica, maybe one other woman, I guess that’s not too bad. It’s all good. He was the president and had some flings here and there.
She then asks Bill, “What’s all the cash for?” Bill says, “Well, every time the box got full, I took it to the recycling center for the deposit.”
Why was William Henry Harrison’s inaugural address so memorable?
He had a killer final draft.
Recommended: Funny US Presidential Election Jokes
Did you know that Thomas Jefferson invented the swivel chair
Guess he really loved Revolutions after all.
Yo mama so old, she thinks George Washington is still president.
What do you call a party featuring John Adams, Alexander Hamilton and co as guests?
A feds era list party.
Did you hear about the impotent presidential candidate?
He lost the erection.
Jimmy Carter, a president, invited Leonid Brezhnev to the White House for an evening of the usual state activities.
As part of the entertainment, Carter invited Brezhnev to sit down at the official White House piano and play a dirge of the Volga or the Fall of Leningrad. As Brezhnev sat down to play, he could not help but notice a red button at the end of the keyboard.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, he pushed the button. Immediately, from the ceiling directly above, a large sliding door opened and a huge cascade of water was dumped on the Soviet leader’s head. The White House occupants and their staff laughed and laughed.
The months passed, and Leonid Brezhnev dried off and licked the salt in his wounds. It came to pass then that he had occasion to invite Jimmy Carter to the official Red Residence in the Kremlin. After a fine repast, the official Red Square piano rolled in on its half-tracks. “Sit down and play a born-again-Baptist hymn for us,” Brezhnev asked gently.
As he poised to play, Mr. Carter noticed a small red button at the end of the keyboard. Curiosity was too much for the old Georgia boy, and he pushed the button. Nothing happened.
The Kremlin crew guffawed, roared, snorted, and playfully punched one another’s shoulders in obvious glee. Carter was puzzled. He appealed to Brezhnev, “Tell me, please– what amuses you and your staff so much? I mean, there was no water or anything. What is so amusing? Please tell me, so I can share your unique Soviet humor with my fellow-Americans back in the United States.”
Leonid Brezhnev smiled, “What United States?”
What would Theodore Roosevelt be called if he was a professional bodybuilder?
Teddy Swolevelt.
Why did the scissors have to withdraw his presidential campaign?
Nobody wanted to run with him.
Yo mama so fat when she sat on a penny and Abraham Lincoln said ‘ouch.’
Who was our 13th president?
A duck. Mallard Fillmore.
Recommended: Presidents’ Day Jokes
John F Kennedy was the smartest president America has ever had.
He’s the only president we know for sure had a brain.
Yo mama such a slut, she interned for Bill Clinton.
The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown (separately) around an experimental government farm.
When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, “Dozens of times each day.” Mrs. Coolidge said, “Tell that to the President when he comes by.”
Upon being told, President asked, “Same hen every time?” The reply was, “Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time.” The President said, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
What do you call the ex of the president?
The zeroth lady.
What do you get when you cross a president with a potato?
A dictator.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history?
The Bushes.
Do you have a funny Presidential joke? Write down your own puns for Presidential Jokes Day in the comment section below!
I want to open a presidential themed bar…
And call it Abraham Drinkin.