45 Funny Presidents’ Day Jokes Straight From Oval Office

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Jessica Amlee


Presidents’ Day is a holiday that honors the legacies of some of the most important leaders in American history. It’s a time to reflect on the impact that these presidents had on the United States of America and to celebrate their contributions. The holiday, which is observed on the third Monday of February, originally honored George Washington, the first president of the United States, on his birthday.  But just because it’s a serious holiday, it doesn’t mean we can’t have a little bit of fun along the way! That’s why we’ve put together a collection of Presidents’ Day jokes and humor to inject some laughter into your celebrations.

Whether you’re spending the day with family, enjoying a day off work, or just want to add some Political humor to your day, our collection of jokes, puns, and one-liners will have you in stitches. So put on your presidential top hat, grab some popcorn, and get ready to laugh your way through the holiday with our hilarious collection of Presidents’ Day humor.

Best Presidents’ Day Jokes

Did you know it’s Presidents Day Monday?
The President leaves the White House and if he sees his shadow, it’s six more weeks of bull shit.

Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail?
Because he was in a cent.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Abraham who?)
Abraham so hard, the doors opened for me to be president!

Which US president is featured in sci-fi movies?
Ronald Ray Gun.

When is Presidents Day a sad reminder?
If your wallet is filled with pictures of the first president.

Who were the greenest Presidents in US history?
The Bushes.

What do you get when Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, and Roosevelt fall in poison ivy?
Mt. Rashmore.

What is President Obama’s favorite vegetable?

What do you get when you cross a president with a potato?
A dictator.

What do you call a Presidents’ Day parade with a Mardi Gras theme?
A krewe-sade of presidential masks!

Recommended: Mardi Gras Jokes

What do the 23rd President of the United States and The Devil have in common?
They both got beaten by a kid named Johnny.

What do former presidents Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton have in common?
They both said “screw you” to aid(e)s.

Why are there not many films about Abraham Lincoln?
He doesn’t do well in theaters.

What’s the difference between a president and and actor?
One leads the land, the other lands the lead.

How is a girlfriend like a good US president?
You’d love to have one.

Is it okay to say President Obama’s middle name?
Depends on Hussein it.

Why did the dime run for President?
Because he kept hearing that people wanted to vote for change.

Did you know that one of the presidents actually found his job online?
Abraham LinkedIn.

Ronald Reagan’s doctor comes to him and says, “I’m afraid it’s Alzheimer’s, Mr. President.”
Reagan muses this information over then replies, “Well, I always say ‘trust, but verify’ so verify it to me, doctor.”
The doctor goes and has extensive tests done on Reagan’s brain and even calls in a second doctor for confirmation. After waiting a few days for the results he visits Reagan again.
“Mr. President, I have conclusive evidence that my prior diagnosis was correct,” the doctor says confidently.
“What diagnosis?” Reagan replies confused.
“The one that said you have Alzheimer’s.”, the doctor said mouth gaping open.
“Oh, well I always say, ‘trust, but verify’ so…”

Why did the president find no one when he entered the meeting hall?
Biden it was too late.

Recommended: Biden Jokes

Who objected to a kitchen remodel at the White House?
The President’s Cabinet.

What did the President say when his prepared remarks got blown away by the wind?
Nothing, he was speechless.

What does the secret service say when the 45th president was under attack?
“Donald, duck!”

Who was the longest-sitting U.S. President?
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Why was JFK so loved as a president?
Because he was open minded.

Which President had the shortest term?
Grover Cleveland. He was the twenty second President.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(George who?)
George Washington, just stopping by to wish you a happy Presidents Day!

In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
Naked & screaming, just like the rest of us.

How many US presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’re supposed to keep the President in the dark.

What is our 44th President’s favorite Christmas song?
Barackin’ Around the Christmas Tree.

Which president has the most laundry to deal with?

Recommended: Democrat & Republican Jokes

What would happen if your mother were president?
She would pass YoMamaCare.

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton are all on the Titanic.
As the Titanic begins sinking, Jimmy Carter yells, “Quick, save the women and children.”
Nixon yells back, “Screw the women and children!”
Bill Clinton says, “I don’t think we have time for that.”

Son: Who’s the 37th president’s favorite basketball team?
Father: The Knicks, son.

Why are there so few pictures of the 16th President?
Because he was always a blinkin’.

Why was Herbert Hoover the best president?
He gave a dam.

Why does the president eat so many bananas?
Because he needs his POTUSium.

What is President Nixon’s head’s favorite kind of salad green?

What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?
Ape Lincoln!

What did Franklin D. Roosevelt say after he dropped his pickle?
“I want a new dill.”

Which US president planted the most trees?
Wood-row Wilson!

Did you know that Thomas Jefferson invented the swivel chair?
Guess he really loved Revolutions after all.

Recommended: Presidential Jokes Day

What do you get when the President doesn’t get what he wants?
A Tantrump.

Did you know every president since Eisenhower has had a daily briefing every morning six days a week?
The only exception was Reagan, who would usually soil himself in the afternoon and require a second pair.

What do Jimmy Carter and the Long Island Railroad have in common?
They both pull out of Roslyn every morning at 8:15.

What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?
Abraham Stinkin.

How do you begin a politically incorrect joke?
“President Ben Franklin walks into a bar.”

What would you get If you crossed a zucchini with the first US president?
George Squashington.

Have a funny Presidents’ Day joke? Post your own Presidents’ Day puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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