50 Funny Royal Family Jokes About The British Monarchy

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Jessica Amlee


Unleash your inner court jester with our hilarious collection of Royal Family jokes that’ll leave you feeling like a true member of the royal entourage! From tongue-in-cheek one-liners to clever wordplay, our assortment of regal gags celebrates the lighter side of the British monarchy. Perfect for sharing with fellow enthusiasts or during your next gathering, these witty and entertaining jokes will have you and your friends laughing like kings and queens in no time.

So, gather ’round, enjoy a spot of tea, and indulge in the mirthful world of royal humor with our side-splitting collection of Royal Family jokes!

Best Royal Family Jokes

What do you call a royal cow?
Sir Loin.

Kate Middleton and King Charles have issued a statement after being named in the Royal racism scandal.
They said, ‘We want to make it clear that when we expressed our concerns about Meghan’s baby’s colour, we were merely worried that it might turn out ginger.’

After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.
He’s the Artist formerly known as Prince.

How does Royal Family get around Buckingham Palace?
With a nobility scooter.

What are the chances that the sister of His Royal Highness Prince Archie of Sussex becomes Queen?
A Lilibet.

What do you call a royal pig that is falling asleep?
Prince Nodding Ham.

What type of music can the Royal Family not listen to?
Royalty Free Music.

“I’ve a downloaded copy of Prince Harry’s book ‘Spare’. Do you wish to read it?”
“Is it a pdf file?”
“Nope, that’s his uncle. A totally different Prince”

Who is the heaviest member of the British royal family?
It’s William, Prince of Whales.

What did the man say after he broke up with his royal girlfriend?
“She was too entitled.”

What do you call royal parenting?
Heir conditioning.

As you probably know the guards at Buckingham Palace are not supposed to move a muscle. One day one of the guards moved just a bit.
The sergeant rushed over and said, “George, did I see you flinch?” George replied “Yes sir. You see there was a squirrel in the tree. He ran down the tree across the road then straight up me pants leg.”
“I see George,” replied the sergeant. “Is that why you flinched?”
George replied, “No sir. There was another squirrel. He, too, came down the tree across the road and up me leg. So I had two squirrels resting in me crotch.”
The sergeant thought for a moment then said, “And that’s what made you flinch?”
“No sir,” said George. “It was when I heard one say, ‘Let’s have one now and save the other for winter.’”

What do you call a royal seatbelt?
Your Harness.

Recommended: British Jokes

A street near Buckingham Palace is being renamed to “Prince Andrew’s Close.”
It’s not honorary, it’s a warning.

What do you make out of Harry and Meghan leaving the throne?
At least 2 people knew how to make a proper Brexit.

The Royal Family is going to send Prince Andrew to see what public opinion is like!
Just putting the feeler out.

What do the Royal Family and Probability math equations have in common?
They are not important and nobody cares about them.

What do you call people who live off other people’s taxes on an estate?
The Royal Family.

What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight?
“Put up your Dukes!”

One day, the Queen Consort Camilla of The United Kingdom designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family, and seeing it, a T-shirt designer saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn’t mind.
After several very angry calls from the royal family’s lawyers, he found out that he had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee’sTM.

Harry and Meghan announced that they were stepping away from the royal family to focus on their work.
This is the first time someone is quitting their family to spend more time with their job.

What does the royal family sing to Prince Andrew on his birthday?
“Bah bah black sheep.”

What does the Royal family’s toilet receive when they are finished with it?
A royal flush.

Recommended: King Charles Jokes

Why is there never a bad smell when the British Royal Family passes gas?
Noble gases rarely have an odor.

Where does the driver for the royal family put the car when they go golfing?
In the par-king lot.

Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and the Dalai Lama walk into a bar.
Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve underage here.”

Why can royals never be crips?
Cause they keep it in the blood.

What do you call a royal smoker?
Your Highness.

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess, and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?
Darth Vader.

How did the Royal Navy attract so many recruits?
They were impressive!

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day, they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, “Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!”
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge.
“Harder!” yelled Camilla, “Harder.”
Charles yelled back, “I’m trying, darling! But it’s just so bloody tight!”
“Come on! Give it all you’ve got!” she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, “There! Oh, God, that feels so good!”
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, “See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!”
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, “Oh, God, darling! This one’s even tighter!”
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, “That’s my boy! He served in the Navy: once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.
And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

Recommended: Queen Jokes

What happens when the Queen burps?
She issues a royal pardon.

Did you know the word “queen” first referred to the chess piece before the monarchy?
The royals adopted it, since a queen also needs the help of a bishop and a horse to mate.

What drink do Kings and Queens enjoy?

What makes broccoli a Royal vegetable?
Its Crowns!

The Queen recently knighted the Buckingham Palace IT guy.
He is now Sir Ver.

Where do royal British ducks live?
In Duckingham Palace.

When the queen has to miss a royal event, what does she say?
“I’m sorry, I’ll have to take a reign check.”

What’s the real reason Prince Harry loves America?
When he goes to a strip bar, he doesn’t have to tuck a picture of his grandmother in the girl’s G-strings.

What’s the difference between herpes and news about the British royal family?
It’s easier to get rid of herpes.

Recommended: Funny Prince Andrew Jokes

Why are royal families always marrying distant cousins?
Because you can’t spell PrINCE or PrINCESs without a bit of INCESt.

What are the similarities between the royal family and yeast?
There both inbred.

Why did Prince Andrew stop grooming the Corgi’s?
He found out they were 18 in dog years.

What’s the most effective method of suicide?
Supplying the Royal Family with underage girls.

Why did the ant crawl up Princess Kate’s stocking?
To go to the grand opening.

Why did the ant crawl up Prince Williams’ trousers?
To get to the royal ball.

What is it called when two female members of a royal family have sex?

Do you have another Royal Family joke? Post your Royal family puns in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

2 thoughts on “50 Funny Royal Family Jokes About The British Monarchy”

  1. Anyone got a clue what this ‘tell all’ Royal family book’s going to be called?
    I’m guessing..
    ‘Harry Hewitt as the half-blood prince..’


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