80 Funny Weed Jokes to Keep You Laughing Through 4/20

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Jessica Amlee

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Get ready to spark up your day with our collection of hilarious weed jokes, perfect for the young generation embracing cannabis culture. Whether you’re gearing up for a smoke sesh with friends or simply looking for a laugh, our blog is your go-to source for side-splitting humor, guaranteed to make you chuckle at any time – not just at 4:20 pm.

420, 4:20, or 4/20 (pronounced four-twenty) represents a popular term in cannabis culture, referring to the consumption of marijuana and hashish, particularly when smoked around 4:20 pm (16:20). Additionally, the term is associated with cannabis-centric celebrations that occur yearly on April 20th (4/20 in the U.S. format). In regions across the United States where cannabis is legal, dispensaries frequently provide discounts on their products during this iconic date.

So, gather your fellow cannabis enthusiasts, roll a joint, and dive into the world of witty puns, stoner one-liners, and amusing anecdotes that celebrate the lighter side of 420.

Best 4/20 Jokes

Has anybody posted any jokes about 4/20 yet?
HumorNama thinks it’s high time.

Did you hear about my neighbor who just got arrested for growing weed?
I guess my property line isn’t where I thought it was.

Why did the stoner cross the road?
So who else would follow a chicken?!

Caveman discovers weed.
Caveman discovers fire.
Stone age begins.

Yo mama so hairy, her comb is a weed wacker.

What do you call a tea made with Cannabis?
Four Twentea.

Heard about the man who was arrested for smoking a bunch of weed and plucking his eyebrows?
They charged him with high tweezin’.

What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?
Sea kelp.

What do French people call weed?

Can you believe marijuana is still illegal in Jamaica?
Bob Marley must be rolling in his grave.

If you ever miss 4:20, why should just wait until 4:22?
Because 4:22 is 4:20 too.

Do you know that Cowboys don’t roll joints?
They tumble weed.

Why shouldn’t cows smoke weed?
Because the steaks would be too high.

Do you know that scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds?
They’ve left no tern unstoned.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
No one, you’re stoned, paranoid, and talking to yourself!

Police Officer: How high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it’s “Hi, How are you?”

Recommended: 420 Memes

What do you call a couple selling weed together?
A joint effort.

Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5th?
Because he knows how to reduce fractions, unlike the rest of you.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.

Patient: So doc, are you saying I need to buy better weed?
Doctor: No John, I said your joints are deteriorating.

What’s the difference between alcohol and weed?
Five drunk guys will start a fight. Five stoned guys will start a band.

One day, Chris was stopped by a police officer who proceeded to search his pockets.
To his surprise, the officer found a bag of weed. With a raised eyebrow, the officer asked, “What have we here?”
Chris quickly replied, “It’s not mine, officer.” The officer scoffed, but Chris insisted, “I’m serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun. Every time I flush this stuff down the toilet, it magically reappears in my pocket.”
Skeptical, the officer said, “Bullshit.” But Chris challenged him, “Try me!”
Reluctantly, the officer followed him to a nearby cafe’s bathroom. Chris took out the cannabis and flushed it down the toilet. The officer then checked his pocket and asked, “So where’s the bag of weed?”
Smirking, Chris responded, “What bag of weed?”

What can you do if you can’t afford a nice television?
Just smoke a ton of weed and read the dictionary. It is called high definition.

Recommended: Smoking Jokes

“Your eyes look red.” said the cop. “Have you been smoking weed?”
“Your eyes look glazed.” I replied. “Have you been eating donuts?”

Where do stoner cars store their weed?
In potholes.

Do you know that on 4/20 it’s Hitler’s birthday too?
Guess that brings a whole another meaning to “Smoking a J.”

Why does the little cannabis plant spend every other week at his father’s house?
Because his parents have joint custody.

Why shouldn’t you smoke weed during a thunderstorm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.

How can you tell if a 14-year-old smokes weed?
Just wait. They’ll tell you.

Did you hear about the newest cannabis-infused drink?
It’s the best way to stay highdrated.

Teacher: What do you do after school?
1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo.
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What’s your name?
4th Student: Yakobo.

This 4/20, please remember Earth Day.
It’s 4/22.

Recommended: Earth Day Jokes

Two angels run out of weed.
One angel is very upset but the other consoles him. “Fear not,” he says and he points to Jesus. “For he has resin.”

Why did the hoody smell like weed?
It was high fashion.

What happened after God legalized weed?
Prophets were at an all-time high.

What do you get when you mix Scoobie snacks and weed?
A Scoobie Doobie.

Have you heard about the political party that’s using really good weed to promote their political views and opinions?
It’s propaganja.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Juana who?)
Juana shmoke a bowl?!

What did the weed sellers create when they went legal?
A “joint”-stock company.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought seaweed was a cannabis strain.

How do you find a pothead in a crowd?
You weed them out.

Why does Snoop Dogg hate gardeners?
They kill all the weeds.

Recommended: Stoner Jokes

Did you hear about the cops that found large amounts of weed hidden in a bra?
Apparently, it was their biggest bust.

What’s the difference between a gambler and a gardener?
One says “Read ‘em and weep,” and the other says “Weed ‘em and reap.”

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbor’s house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair!

What happens when two weed companies merge together?
They become a joint venture!

What do you call a janitor that smokes a lot of weed?
High maintenance.

What do you call an old computer that smokes weed?
A baked potato.

What do you call a hog who eats all of your weed?
A pot bellied pig.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Weed who?)
We’d like to get high.

Why does the pastry smell of weed?
Because it’s baked.

What do you call a weed dealer in a suit?
A cannabusinessman!

Do you know that when short people smoke weed, they don’t get high?
They get medium.

How does a Harry Potter fan let you know you don’t have to pay for weed?
“Doobie is free!”

What happened to the comma that started smoking weed?
It got high and became an apostrophe.

Jack and Jill went up a hill.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and touched Jill’s thigh and said, “I know you wanna.”
Jill said, “Yes,” took off her dress and they had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pills and now they have a son.

What do you call a lighter that smokes weed?
A highlighter.

Did you hear about the nun who was caught with cannabis sewn into her robe?
She had a drug habit.

What kind of drugs do people in the desert do?
Tumble weed.

What’s the hardest thing about being a weed farmer?
Getting off your high horse.

What does the German say after buying his weed?

What do you call Brad Pitt smoking weed?
Baking Brad.

What do you call angry weed?

Recommended: Vape Jokes

Do you know that studies show that people who smoke weed are less likely to get sick?
Because of their high gene.

Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with marijuana?
He wanted the high ground.

A rooster smokes marijuana and walks in a circle. What is the name for the ratio of the circumference of that circle to its diameter?
Chicken pot pi.

The Bible says it’s ok to be gay if you’ve been smoking marijuana.
Leviticus 20:13 “A man who lays with another man should be stoned.”

A stoner, an alcoholic, and a sex addict are all in hell.
The devil approaches each of them and promises to grant them one wish each.
So the devil goes to the alcoholic and asks him what he wants to wish for, and the alcoholic says, “I wish for all the liquor I can drink!” The devil grants his request and proceeds to the sex addict. The stoner wishes to be able to sleep with any woman he wants whenever he wants, and the devil granted his wish. The devil informs the stoner, “You have one wish,” and the stoner wishes for an unlimited supply of high-quality marijuana. The devil grants his wish and abandons them to their wishes.
After 1000 years in hell, the devil decides to check on every one of them. He goes to check on the alcoholic, and the alcoholic has died from severe alcohol poisoning/overdose. The devil then goes to check on the sex addict and discovers that the sex addict has likewise been dead for a long time due to a lot of STDs/HIVs. When the devil goes to check on the stoner, he finds him entirely enveloped by weed and with tears in his eyes, and the stoner says, “Please tell me you have a lighter?”

What should you do if your kid comes home and you smell marijuana?
Have a joint discussion.

How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only takes one stoner. But takes him 2 weeks to get to it.

What is a Mexican’s favorite weed?
Si weed.

Recommended: Mexican Jokes

Yo mama like a weed from Mexico, cheap and full of seed.

What happens if you smoke weed in a Muslim country?
Simple, you get stoned twice.

When did humans first start growing weed?
420 B.C.

‘Twas the night before 4/20, and all through the pad,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a cat.
The bongs were all placed by the windows with care,
In hopes that St. Ganja soon would be there.

The stoners were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of munchies danced in their heads.
With my hemp cap on, and my stoner babe near,
We had just settled down for a night without fear.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen weed,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects indeed.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature van, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Ganja, no trick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now, Blunt! Now, Bubbler! Now, Vape Pen and Zigzag!
On, Kush! On, Haze! On, Skunk and Big Bag!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew,
With the van full of weed, and St. Ganja too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Ganja came with a bound.

He was dressed all in hemp, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of weed he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his sack.

His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a round little belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the bongs, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his van, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Happy 4/20 to all, and to all a good night!”

What do you call a masturbating Vegan?
A WeedWhacker.

Did y’all hear about that cop that got caught smoking weed and masturbating in his patrol car?
Apparently, he was a high wanking officer.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room that means it’s good.

What did the Chinese guy say after smoking all that weed?

Do you have another funny weed joke? Post your own weed puns in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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