Butts, or as the more scientifically inclined might say, the gluteus maximus, have long been the butt of jokes, pun very much intended. They’re not only essential to our anatomy, providing a cushy seat and aiding in our locomotion, but they’ve also been revered, sculpted, and even painted through the ages. It’s perhaps their omnipresence and, let’s admit it, their cheeky nature that makes them such a target for humor. From highbrow satire to slapstick comedy, butts have been a staple in the comedic pantry, a go-to ingredient for a guaranteed giggle. The mere mention of the posterior can elicit a spectrum of reactions, from a sophisticated chortle to an uncontrollable snort, setting the stage perfectly for what’s to come: jokes that are a real gas!
Now, moving on to butt jokes – they are a peculiar phenomenon. They’re the kind of humor that can unite a room in laughter or cause a collective eye-roll, depending on the delivery. It’s a delicate balance; after all, timing is everything in comedy. These jokes tend to follow a cheeky formula, often highlighting the absurdities of human nature and the body in ways that are surprisingly relatable. Whether it’s in a stand-up routine or the punchline of a cartoon strip, the butt joke has etched its place in the annals of humor, proving that while styles and tastes may change, some things remain universally funny. No ifs, ands, or butts about it!
Today, we will be sharing with you Butt Jokes that help you understand why it has long been considered funny in cultures for a very long period of time.
Best Butt Jokes
What happens when you slap Dwayne johnson in the butt?
You hit rock bottom.
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek?
If we stick together we can stop all this sh*t!
What happened to the poo that was shaped like an anchor?
It got stuck on the bottom.
What do you call a zombie’s butt?
A dead end.
What do you call a Frenchman shoving a baguette up your butt?
A pain in the a**.
What do you call a pirate woman with an amazing butt?
She was thicc with 7 C’s.
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What do you call someone who wedged a philosophy book between their butt cheeks?
Now, they have a wisecrack in any situation.
What does a 9-volt battery have in common with a girl’s butth*le?
You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna give it a lick.
What do you say when you submit a patent for a gold-plated butt plug, but some engineers at BMW beat you to it?
Guess they are already making overpriced toys for a**holes.
Patient: Doc, my butt hurts!
Doctor: Where exactly?
Patient: Right around the entrance.
Doctor: Yeah well that’s the exit. As long as you think it’s an entrance, it’ll continue to hurt.
What’s common between eyes and butt cheeks?
Between both of them, something smells.
What do butt cheeks and butter have in common?
Both can be spread.
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What do you call an ox with a big butt?
Buttocks.
Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?
Because change comes from within.
What did the butt say to the p*nis?
You’ve got some balls hanging around here!
A teacher inquires about the new student’s name. “Happy Butt,” the girl responds.
The teacher says, “That isn’t your name, I believe. You must go to the principal’s office to resolve this matter.”
When the girl enters the principal’s office, he says, “What’s your name?” “Happy Butt,” the small girl says.
To find out the truth, the principal contacts the girl’s mother. “Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt,” he says to the girl after hanging up the phone.
The girl exclaims, “Glad A** — Happy Butt — What is the difference?”
What do you call an Amish person with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic.
Recommended: Amish Jokes
How does a doctor describe a man’s condition who was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt?
Stable.
What can you say about a butt plug lying on the ground?
Some a**hole must have dropped it.
What do you call a ghost’s butt?
A Booty.
Why does a duck have feathers?
To cover its butt quack.
What do you call the butt end of a banana?
The bananus.
A man notices that his wife’s butt is growing in size. “I’m sure your butt is as huge as my grill.”
His wife scoffs, but he grabs a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and taunts her that they’re approximately the same size.
That night, he attempts to see if he can strike it rich. “Not tonight,” his wife responds.
He asks her why not, to which she responds, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-a** grill for one little weiner?”
What do you call a ghost that lives in your butt?
An asssoul.
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What do you call the fear of spiders crawling up your butt?
Arachnoprobia.
Why did the butt plug cross the road?
The chick farted.
Which state is a pain in the butt to go to?
Prostate.
What do you call when someone gets a trophy of a cat’s butt?
It is a catastrophe.
A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.
“My cat is very fat,” she says. “Alright,” says the vet. “I will look at him.”
The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears. Finally, she turns to the girl and says, “I’m very sorry. I’m going to have to put your cat down.” “Oh no! Because he’s so fat?”
“Yes,” says the doctor. “My arms are very tired.”
What do you call a murderer with two butts?
An assassin.
Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?
It was a pane in the a**.
Do you know what the standard SI unit for insults is?
Butt Hertz.
Recommended: Physics Jokes
What do you call butt plugs for men?
Man hole covers.
What do you call a man with 10 rabbits up his butt?
Warren.
What do you call a fat person with a flat butt?
A hipobottomless.
For a couples anniversary, this guy’s wife wants to get the words “beautiful butt” tattooed across her a** since he’s always saying how beautiful her butt is.
She goes to get the tattoo, but the artist says that the words are too long and she doesn’t have enough room. She decided to abbreviate the words to BB, one B on each cheek. The artist says he can do that.
Later, she gets home to find her husband in bed reading. She strips for him, turns around and bends over and grabs her ankles. Her husband looks at her a** and says, “Who the hell is BOB?”
What is the difference between brown nosing and butt kissing?
Depth Perception.
What did the butt plug say to the other butt plug?
Nothing because they were both up-tight a**holes.
What do you call 6.02*10^23 butts?
Molasses.
What happens when you say ‘poop?’
Your mouth moves just like your butt-hole does when you poop.
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What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
There was once a woman who was obsessed with naming everything she owned. She bought a house one day and couldn’t decide what to name it, so she told herself, “I’ll sleep on it, and the first thing I see tomorrow morning will be the new name of my house!”
She wakes up the next day and rolls over. Her spouse was outdoors doing yard maintenance. She noticed him bending over with his large hairy butt hanging out of his pants, so she named her house Hairy Butt.
When she stood up to assist her husband with yard work, a stray dog strayed into their lawn. They opt to keep it. She takes the dog for a stroll and notices that he sniffs all the sidewalk cracks, so she names him crack.
The next day the dog runs away, and she calls the police. She tells them, “I looked all over my hairy butt but couldn’t find my crack!”
What do you get when you put both halves of your butt together?
A buttwhole.
What’s the similarity between smoking a cigarette and eating p*ssy?
The taste changes the closer you get to the butt.
What’s a more concrete term for butt crack?
Asphalt.
What’s the last thing to go through the mind of a fly when it hits a windscreen?
Its butt.
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What does an angry caterpillar become?
A Butt-hurt-fly.
A husband was watching a women’s 100m in Tokyo Olympics with his wife.
Wife: She has a big butt for a runner.
Husband: The short distance runners have bigger butts, the longer distance runners don’t. They run their a** off.
Did you hear how Thor saved Loki’s butt?
With an Asgard.
Do you know how much I’ve spent on toilet paper this month?
A butt load.
What do you call somebody with two butts?
Biased.
Do necrophiliacs like an*l?
Butt of corpse.
What do a butt hater and a bread lover have in common?
They’re both gluten tolerant.
A man seeks medical help because he has a tapeworm. “Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar,” advises the doctor. The patient is perplexed, but he does what he is told.
He returns the next day with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor then inserts both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s behind.
The doctor then instructs him to return the next day with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The man is puzzled, but he does as he is told.
This method is repeated by the patient and the doctor for 5 days. On the sixth day, the doctor instructs the patient, “Bring two bananas tomorrow, but instead of a Snickers bar, bring a mallet.” The patient is once again perplexed, but he complies.
The next day, the doctor inserts both bananas into the man’s buttocks before hastily grabbing the mallet and waiting.
All of the sudden, the tapeworm pops out saying, “Hey! Where’s my snickers bar?”
If a politician’s mouth throws out bullshit, what does the pope’s butt throw?
Holy sh*t.
What’s the difference between yellow cake and a big butt?
One is a pound cake, the other is a cake you pound.
What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian’s breasts and butt cheeks?
Silicon Valley.
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What do you call a wig for your a**?
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butt Hair!
What do you call a winged horse that helps people shove stuff up their butt?
A Peg-assist.
Why is it so much bad to be a butt doctor?
You’d see so much weird sh*t.
Do make sure to share these okes otherwise you will be the butt of jokes.
