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85 Funny Boob Jokes for Every Breast Size

Boob Jokes on Breasts
Funny Boob Jokes

Breasts are like cotton candy to a man; they adore them! You can move your boobs away from a man’s face, but what about his eyes? That’s a little difficult! For women, whatever size your boobs are, you’ve probably wished they were bigger, smaller, or shaped differently at some point. Boobs, like boobs jokes, come in a variety of shapes and sizes.

We have listed the funniest for you circulating on the wonderful thing we call the internet.

Best Boob Jokes 

What do you call identical boobs?

Identitties.


What does it say in Mortal Kombat when you get killed by an exploding boob?

Fatalititty.


What is another term for boob sweat?

Humidi-titties.


What did one saggy boob say to the other?

“If we don’t get the proper support, people will think we’re nuts.”


How can ladies stop men from staring at their boobs?

Eat a banana.


What do boobs and Christmas trees have in common?

When you see really nice ones, you can’t tell if they’re real or fake.


What do you call a tattoo parlour offering a free tattoo to anyone who would flash their boobs?

It’s their Tit for Tat special.


What makes a dirty bus stop different from a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!


What kind of boob is a mathematician’s favourite?

Quantitties.


What is the similarity between boobs and legos?

Both are for the kids, but the dads always end up playing with them.


What consequences will we have when more money is spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer’s research?

By 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


How are boobs similar to the sun?

Taking a quick look is fine, but staring is not. Then again, that’s what sunglasses are for.


A guy says that he was beaten up by a busty woman in the elevator this morning.

He was staring at her boobs and she said “Press One?”

So he did… he doesn’t remember much after that.


Why did the 13-year-old blonde have square boobs?

She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.


How did we get the word “Boob”?

Capital “B” is the aerial view, “oo” is the front view, “b” is the side view.


How are mouths the new boobs?

Only okay to expose them in public for the purpose of feeding.


What sort of intolerance does it display when social media bans female boobs, but not men’s?

Lactose intolerance.


A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sitting in the first grade, who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she’s 18.


Recommended: Redhead Jokes


An older married couple is preparing to eat breakfast. “Let’s eat breakfast naked, like we did when we were younger.” “Yeah, whatever,” said the husband, clearly joking with her. So they’re both naked and eating breakfast at the same time.

“You know, my nipples still burn for you,” says the wife.

“Well it’s no wonder,” says the husband, “One of them is in your coffee and your other is in your oatmeal.”


What are boobs without nipples?

Pointless.


What do you do if you have bad breasts?

Brush your tits.


Do you know only 9/10 men prefer large boobs?

The other man prefers the 9 men.


What two things do men like the most in life?

Boobs.


What do call a race in Delhi with 250 women without nipples?

Indian Nippleless 500.


A boob, vagina, and asshole are arguing over who is the best of the three.

Boob: I make milk for babies and am appealing to the opposite sex.

Vagina: Nothing to worry about, I give birth to babies and can accommodate the opposite sex.

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Why are you still scrolling down? It’s your turn to speak.


What happened to the scientist who desired to create a bra that prevents women’s boobs from bouncing while running and does not reveal nipples when wet?

Don’t panic, they killed the son of a bitch.


What happens to a man’s ability to think clearly when he sees a woman’s cleavage?

It gets reduced by 50% per boob.


A man is staring at Medusa’s boobs.

Medusa: Hey buddy, my eyes are up here.

Man: (already rock hard).


What did the girl with small boobs drink out of?

A Cup.


Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face.

Except for Chris Brown


In a hotel lobby, a man accidentally elbows a woman’s boob as she stands behind him.

The man apologizes profusely and says, “If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you’ll forgive me.”

To which the woman replied, “If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 318.”


What’s the first thought that comes to your mind seeing your next-door neighbor with big boobs, laying topless by the pool?

Just wish his wife would do the same.


Recommended: Fat Jokes


Do you know why the space below them is called a waist?

Because it is a waste. There’s easily room for another set of tits there.


What happens when the wife enters a saggy boob competition?

She would beat everyone. In fact, she’d wipe the floor with them.


What do you call a joke about an old lady’s boobs?

A knee slapper.


What is the first thing a man looks at in a woman?

Her heart. The fact that her boobs are in front of her heart is not men’s fault.


Do you remember the ‘Hold a coke with your boobs’ challenge?

It was a trend a while back to promote awareness of breast cancer. Just glad a similar stunt wasn’t pulled for prostate cancer.


A young lady with a flat chest seeks advice from Dr Smith on how to enlarge her breasts.

“Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the tip of your breasts and say: Scooby dooby doobies, I’d like to have bigger boobies.”

The lady did this every day for several months, and it worked! She had fantastic boobs! She was on the bus one morning, running late when she realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.

She was in love with her new boobs and didn’t want to lose them, so she right in the middle of the bus— “Scooby dooby doobies, I’d like to have bigger boobies.”

“Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?” a guy sitting nearby inquired.

“I do, indeed. How did you know?” asked the lady.

“Hickory dickory dock,” replied the man.


What do you call the space between fake boobs?

Silicon Valley.


Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

Because their boobs are too big for b-shells.


How are men similar to bras?

A good one will give you support and lift you up. A bad one is just there to touch your boobs.


What did the boob say to the other?

You’re my breast friend.


What does Victoria Beckham call her boobs?

Spice rack.


A boyfriend comes in and discovers his girlfriend scratching her breast. “Boob itch!” he exclaims, delighted that he has caught a glimpse of such a rare occurrence.

His girlfriend turns to him and slaps him across the face, saying, “Please don’t call me that! And you didn’t frighten me.”


What’s it called when you get nostalgic over boobs?

A trip down mammory lane.


Wife: I need to call your insurance about breast pumps… see what they cover.

Husband: Probably the boob.


What do you call it when a guy tries to sneak peeks at a girl’s cleavage?

Cleavesdropping.


A friend opened the fridge and a bag of pumped breastmilk fell out.

“Oh, sorry!” the other friend said. “The fridge is boobie-trapped!”


If a girl with big boobs works at Hooters, where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP.


Recommended: No Arms No Legs Jokes


What do you call a ghost’s boobs?

Paranormal entitties.


What do you call a lawyer wife’s boobs?

Firm.


Have you seen the price for a boob job lately?

Guess that’s just the cost of inflation.


When the patient woke up from an operation, the nurse leaned over and said, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

So he fondled her boobs.


How can you tell if a vampire has had a boob job?

Put her in front of a mirror.


A family is having dinner. “Dad, how many different kinds of boobs are there?” the son inquires of his father.

“Well, son, a woman goes through three phases,” the father responds, surprised. A woman’s breasts in her twenties are round and firm, like melons. They are like pears in her 30s and 40s, still nice but hanging a little. They’re like onions after 50.” “Onions?” the son inquires. “Yes. When you see them, they make you cry.” His wife and daughter were enraged. “How many different kinds of willies are there, Mom?” the daughter inquires.

“Well, dear, a man goes through three phases as well,” the mother says with a smile. His willy is mighty and hard in his twenties, like an oak tree. It’s like a birch in his 30s and 40s, flexible but dependable. It’s like a Christmas tree after his 50s.”

“A Christmas tree?” inquires the daughter.

“Yes, dead from the root up, and the balls are just for show.”


What is the term Scientists have discovered and used when bees die because of exposure to boobs?

They call it die-of-bee-tits.


What is the opposite of a Booby Trap?

Party boob.


How do you call a British boob?

A tea tea.


Do you think Mother Nature would have big boobs?

Can’t say but pretty sure they’d be some nice environmentitties.


What are women without boobs?

Manchester.


Recommended: Manchester United Jokes


A cop spots a blonde walking down the street with her huge right breast hanging down from her shirt.

“Ma’am, do you know that your right breast is hanging?” asks the cop.

She screams and looks down. “Oh my god. “I forgot about the baby on the bus!”


What do you call an obese woman with no boobs?

A Flatso.


What do you call a girl having one black and one white boob?

Divertity.


A blonde places an order for a beer. The mug is filled and slid down the bar by the bartender. It splashes all over the blonde woman’s boobs as it hits them.

The bartender approaches, retrieves the mug and licks the beer from her boobs.

This happens every time the blonde requests another beer. So, after the third beer, a man decides to come to the bartender’s aid. The man jumps up and starts licking her breasts the next time the bartender hits her boobs, and immediately, she decks him.

While moaning on the floor, he said, “Lady, please. Why do you allow the bartender to do it?”

“Duh,” says the blonde, “He has a licker license.”


Why do women have boobs?

Because you have something to look at when you’re talking to them.


What do you call a boob in a tornado?

A titty twister.


Why can’t you dump a chick with a boob-job?

Because plastic goes in the recycling bin.


A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.”

The man replies, “Boobs!”


A man is walking down the street when he notices a woman with the most stunning breasts he has ever seen.

He approaches her and asks, “Will you let me bite your boob if I give you $10,000?” The woman, obviously shocked, says no. The man then offers to bite her breast for $100,000. The woman continues to say no. The man requests one million dollars, ten million dollars, and one hundred million dollars, but the woman still refuses. He finally makes his final offer: $1 billion. After hearing such a large sum of money, the woman agrees to let the man bite her boob.

They enter a small, dark street, and the woman removes her top. The man plunges his head into the lovely breasts and begins to play with them. “Are you going to bite it or what?” the woman asks, growing impatient.

He then answers: “No, it’s too expensive.”


What is the worst part of having man boobs?

No one wants to let you play with their boobs.


What is the best part of having man boobs?

You still got boobs to play with.


What do you call two big fake boobs?

Parodies.


A trickster was telling a girl in a bar about his ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

“Really?” she said, “Go on then…try.” After about thirty seconds of fondling, she lost patience and demanded “Come on, what day was I born?”

“Yesterday.” replied the guy.


What is the similarity between big boobs and the fragrance of flowers?

They’re both beautiful yet sometimes smothering.


An elephant asks a camel, “Why are your boobs on your back?”

The camel looks at the elephant and says, “That’s an odd question coming from someone with a dick on his face.”


Recommended: Dick Jokes


What does a person with unsymmetrical boobs experience?

Identitty Crisis.


“The first thing I want you to get me if you win the lottery is a facelift and a boob job,” a 49-year-old girlfriend said as she checked her boyfriend’s ticket.

“Well, actually, the first thing I’d buy for my Mondeo is a reconditioned engine and a respray,” the boyfriend explained.

“Why would you waste your money tarting up that old thing when you could get a new one?” she asked.

“My point exactly.” said the boyfriend.


What do you call a pair of large Midwest boobs?

Minnesota Twins.


Have you heard about this new sex position called The Rodeo?

It’s where you put your woman down on all fours, mount her from behind, reach over to feel her tits and then whisper in her ear, “Your sister’s boobs are better.”

You then try to stay on for 8 seconds.


Recommended: 69 Jokes and Missionary Position Jokes


Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool.

Wooden tit?


Did you meet the woman with 12 boobs?

Sounds weird dozen tit?


Apple Computer today announced the development of a computer chip capable of storing and playing high-fidelity music in women’s breast implants. Depending on the size of the speaker, the iBoob will cost between $499 and $699.

This is regarded as a significant breakthrough because women have long complained about men staring at their breasts and failing to listen to them.


How do you get rid of your man boobs?

You identify as a woman.


Why do Asian girls have small boobs?

Because only A’s are acceptable.


Recommended: Asian Jokes


Kid: Hey mom, why don’t we have any food in the fridge?

Mother: Look down, can you see your feet?

Kid: No?

Mother: That’s why you fat ass.

Kid: Mom, you’re just jealous of my bigger boobs.

Mother: You’re not supposed to have bigger boobs than me, Bill.


Boobies can be a blessing at times, but they can also be a curse. Hope these jokes on breasts gave you a chuckle.

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