Halloween is that one night when the streets are filled with glowing pumpkins, kids run around in costumes that either scare you or make you laugh, and candy somehow becomes its own food group. The air feels cooler, the houses look creepier, and suddenly even the neighbor’s dog seems like part of the decorations. It’s the time when spooky meets silly, and everyone secretly enjoys acting a little weird without judgment.
Now, while the ghosts and goblins try to be scary, dads sneak in with something even more terrifying puns. That’s where Halloween Dad Jokes creep in, ready to haunt family dinners and parties with laughter and groans. It’s not just about candy or costumes anymore, because these jokes become part of the fun, sneaking into conversations like bats flying out of nowhere. And let’s be honest, rolling your eyes at a dad joke might just be the true tradition of Halloween.
Best Halloween Dad Jokes
Dad said to his son, “There’s only one thing about Halloween that scares me.”
The kid asked, “Which is?”
Dad replied, “Exactly!”
Why shouldn’t you wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods?
You’ll get Jurasskicked.
Who turns the lights off at Halloween?
The light’s witch!
What is the periodic table called on Halloween?
The Atoms family!
What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
Prank-enstein!
What does a contractor say on Halloween?
“Brick or Treat.”
Why does a ghost hate getting caught in the rain?
It dampens his spirits.
What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on Halloween?
“Happy halloweenie!”
How did the skeleton know that it was going to rain on Halloween?
He could feel it in his bones.
Remember about the one who dressed up as a screwdriver this past Halloween?
It wasn’t the best costume but still turned a lot of heads.
Recommended: Halloween Jokes for Kids
It’s a good thing that the Ghostbusters don’t charge a lot of money.
Because if you couldn’t pay, they’d have to come back and re-possess your house.
Why do computer scientists always confuse Christmas and Halloween?
It is because DEC 25 = OCT 31.
What did the pumpkin say at the end of Halloween?
“Good-pie everyone!”
Heard about the girl who thought of going as a bandaid this Halloween?
She decided against it as it’s really hard to pull it off.
What do you call a werewolf that doesn’t know he’s a werewolf?
An unawarewolf.
What do you call someone who will always banish one of 2 spirits, but never both?
An XORcist.
Why do black cats prefer wizards to witches?
Sorcerers sometimes have milk in them.
What would wolverine dress up as for Halloween?
A huge axe man.
Did you hear about the monster who ate his own house?
He was homesick.
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Did you hear about the tense mummy?
It was all wound up!
Heard about the kid who ways wanted to be a ghost for Halloween?
His mom thought it was a good idea because when he was up to something she could see right through me, but Dad said he was too dense.
What did the dad say to his son when he became afraid of the full moon?
“Don’t worry! It’s just a phase it’s going through!”
Son: “What are you going to be for Halloween dad?”
Dad: “Drunk.”
Son: “What’s mom gonna be?”
Dad: “Mad.”
Why did the witch’s cat scratch her?
Because they were in a bad mewd!
Why do some always get Halloween and Valentine’s Day confused?
They’re both about candy and being something you’re not.
What do you call Winnie the Pooh on Halloween?
Winnie the Boo!
What happened to the employee who told his boss that he was coming into work dressed as his dad for Halloween?
He didn’t show up.
How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a bat.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composer for Halloween?
“You be Beethoven, I’ll be Bach.”
What did the ghost do at the red light?
He came to a dead stop.
What did the spoon dress up as for the Halloween party?
A cereal killer.
How do skeletons say hello?
“Bonejour!”
What do you call Halloween for feminists?
Triggertreat.
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends!
What’s better than getting dumped on Halloween?
Well, at least she didn’t ghost you.
How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?
On vine-yl.
What do you call a DJ on Halloween?
The boogie-man.
Recommended: Pumpkin Jokes
Do mummies like being mummies?
Of corpse!
How do Halloween characters listen to their music?
Scare pods.
Why was the witch’s broom late?
It over swept!
Heard about the kid who farts a lot whenever it’s Halloween?
That’s why he always dresses up as Jack the Ripper.
What can you catch from a vampire in wintertime?
Frost-bite!
Did you hear about the guy who came second at a Halloween party, dressed as a Giraffe?
He didn’t win but at least he could hold his head high.
Why doesn’t the skeleton like Halloween candy?
He just doesn’t have the stomach for it.
Why couldn’t the witch get into her house?
Because she lost her spo-keys.
Where is the ghost family planning their annual reunion?
Lake Eerie.
Did you hear about the guy who went to church on Halloween?
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
What do you call a werewolf that is missing?
Wherewolf.
What kind of plant likes Halloween?
Bam-Boo.
Is it very bad luck to see a black cat?
That depends if you’re a mouse or a human.
Why wouldn’t the crab share his Halloween candy?
He’s shellfish.
Why did the linguini join the Ghostbusters?
Because it wasn’t alfredo no ghost!
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What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What do you call a zombie garage sale?
A dead giveaway.
What do surfers say on Halloween?
“Gourd vibes only, bro.”
Why did India cancel Halloween?
They ran out of Gandhi.
How do mummies hide?
They use masking tape.
Robert Pattinson must be the worst vampire ever.
It took him 15 years to figure out how to turn into a bat.
Where do witches bake their cakes?
In the coven!
Why did the Grim Reaper schedule an appointment with his eye doctor?
He was having issues with his death perception.
What do vampires cross the sea in?
Blood vessels.
Dracula movies are never rebooted.
They are only revamped.
Why do all the ghosts mostly dislike rainy Halloween?
Because it wets their spirits.
What do Frankenstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger have in common?
They’re both bodybuilders.
What do zombie cows say?
“Grains.”
What is a vampire’s favorite beer?
Bloodweiser.
What do ghosts serve at dinner parties?
Poultry-geist.
What do you call a person who is frightened easily by The Simpsons’ Halloween specials?
Homer Phobic.
What do skeletons say before they begin eating?
“Bone appetite.”
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What does a bird say at Halloween?
Twick or tweet.
What Arab country’s zombie population is the largest?
BAHRAIIIIIN’S.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?
Pulp fiction.
Why are vampires bad at art?
They can only draw blood…
What did one pyramid say to the other?
“How’s your mummy!”
Who is Dracula’s favorite actress?
Neck-hole Kidman.
What do you call two witches who live together?
Broom-mates!
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when he realized he brought the wrong body back to life?
“I’ve made a grave mistake!”
What do you call a Werewolf YouTuber?
Lycansubscribe.
Why don’t vampires make good project managers?
They’re afraid of talking to stakeholders!
Why did the spider borrow a car?
So he could take it out for a spin.
What do you call a mythical Scottish creature that roams around ringing doorbells?
The knock less monster.
Where do ghosts go when they want to surf?
The Dead Sea.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license.
What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?
Something dawns on you.
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What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day?
A coffin break.
How did the witch form her group into a circle?
She set the coven to 360 degrees.
What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
Lazy bones.
What condiments do space aliens pack for their trips?
Flying sauces.
What do you call a zombie who writes music?
A decomposer.
How can you tell Halloween is just around the corner?
Stores start putting out their Christmas decorations.
Where do pumpkins hold their meetings?
The gourd room.
How did the mummy pay for stuff?
Crypt-o-currency.
What Thanksgiving side dish could be given out at Halloween?
Candied yams.
Why don’t Jehovas Witnesses celebrate Halloween?
They don’t like random strangers knocking on their door.
What did Pharaoh say when he saw the pyramid?
“Mummy’s home!”
What is the most famous Halloween building?
The Vampire State Building.
What’s the problem with twin witches?
You never know witch is which!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
What type of pasta do they serve at a haunted house?
Fettuccini Afraido.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What did the fisherman say on Halloween?
“Trick or trout!”
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What is a skeleton’s favourite musical instrument?
A trombone.
What is Aladdin’s favorite thing on Halloween?
A boo!
What did the taxi driver say to the wolf on Halloween night?
“Werewolf.”
What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?
A cocker poodle boo.
What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A blood test!
Freud was pretty weird about the whole Halloween experience.
I attribute that to his mummy issues.
What do you call it when a zombie hands you a gift?
A dead give away!
What candy do dads give out on Halloween?
Snickers!
What do you call an undercover tarantula?
A spy-der.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Wait for it…. you think it be Rrrrrrr but it’s the C they be lovin!
What happens if you eat too much pumpkin?
You get autumn’y ache.
What is Charles Darwin’s go-to Halloween costume?
A galapaghost.
Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?
He was going as a banana!
Did you hear about the company that decided to produce those Halloween-themed mints?
They said it’s a scare tictac
What job do mummies do during the holidays?
They’re gift wrappers.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
What kind of horse do ghosts ride?
A night-mare.
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What’s the best way to talk to a monster?
From a distance.
Why couldn’t the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?
Because most people are offended at seeing Boo Bees!
What don’t people like vampires?
Because they suck!
Why do bottomless shoes count as Halloween decorations?
Because they have no soles.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
Because it had to go to the Body Shop!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What kind of music do mummies like?
Wrap.
What did Chewbacca say when he dressed up as Jason Voorhees for Halloween?
“CHEW CHEW CHEW BACA CA.”
Why don’t zombies eat ghost?
They taste like sheet.
What do they call Halloween in Australia?
G’day ween.
Who did the ghost take to the Halloween party?
A ghoul-friend!
What did the cranberry dress up as for Halloween?
A zombay-ay-ay.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
What do you call a spiritual person on Halloween?
A Boodist.
What’s a witch’s favourite make-up?
Ma-scare-a!
What’s an arborist’s favorite Halloween candy?
Fun size Twigs.
What do you get if you divide the diameter of a pumpkin by its circumference?
Pumpkin pi.
What does Beyoncé do on Halloween?
A Séayoncé.
Why are spiders like tops?
They’re constantly spinning.
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What is Bigfoot’s favorite book?
Hairy Potter.
What do you call a sausage on Halloween?
Meyer.
What’s a vampire’s favorite sport?
Batminton.
What does Wednesday Addams give out on Halloween?
Christina Reesees!
Why don’t mummies go on camping?
They’re afraid to relax and unwind!
What does a cow say on Halloween?
“Booooo!”
Why didn’t the skeleton dance?
Because he had no body to dance with!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween?
They only run a skeleton service.
What room does a ghost not need in a house?
A living room.
What do you learn at witch school?
Spelling!
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Why does Cinderella always lose at tennis?
Because her coach is a pumpkin.
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Where do vampires keep their money?
The blood bank.
What do ghosts put on their turkey?
Grave-y.
Why is Fortnite so popular on Halloween?
Because all of the hills are haunted!
What’s scarier than a werewolf?
A herewolf.
What do you call a witch with chickenpox?
An itchy witchy!
What does Godzilla drive?
A monster truck!
What did one spider say to the other spider?
“Let’s hang out.”
What do you call a chubby Jack o ‘lantern?
A plumpkin.
Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
He couldn’t stop coffin.
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What do the fastest witches use to get around?
Vroomsticks!
Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
Dracula’s dentist.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships!
Why was the jack o’ lantern afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts.
How do ghosts apply makeup before going trick-or-treating?
They use vanishing cream.
How do pumpkins greet each other?
“Happy Hollowing!”
Why did a family ignore the kids knocking on their door on Halloween asking for sweets?
They were ghosting them.
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Because he was out-standing in his field.
What holiday does a vampire love more than Halloween?
Fangs-giving.
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled!
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Why are ghosts terrible liars?
Because you can see right through them.
Why don’t witches like Starbucks coffee?
They prefer to brew their own.
What did the monster eat after having his teeth out?
The dentist.
How did the zombie get so good at trick-or-treating?
Dead-ication.
Why couldn’t the coffee bean go to the Halloween party?
It was grounded.
Why are vampires so unpopular?
Because they are pains in the neck!
What do you call it when you have too many spiders in your house?
A no-fly zone.
Why are jack o’ lanterns so forgetful?
Because they’re empty-headed.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite holiday food?
Stuffing.
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray!
What does a werewolf eat for breakfast?
A pooched egg.
Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster Halloween party?
Everyone there was a goblin.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried!
What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch.
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Why don’t vampires eat a lot of Halloween candy?
They’re afraid of tooth decay.
How do you make a witch itch?
Take away her W!
What do owls say when they go trick-or-treating?
“Happy Owl-ween!”
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
What is a monster’s favorite halloween candy?
Bugs and (Hershey’s) kisses.
Did you hear about the wolves’ all-night Halloween party?
If you didn’t, it was a howling success!
What do you call a clown who is smart with his money?
Pennywise.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
What is a spider’s favorite part of a computer?
The webcam.
Why shouldn’t an angry witch take her broom trick or treating?
She might fly off the handle.
Recommended: Grim Reaper Jokes
Which kind of building should you stay clear of on a full moon?
A warehouse.
What is white, black and dead all over?
A zombie trick or treating in a tuxedo.
Why did the cyclops give up teaching?
They only had one pupil.
What do ghosts have in their noses?
Boo-gers!
Do you have a funny Halloween Dad Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
It’s fruitless to count all your Halloween candy.