When the dog days of summer are nearly over, all you can think about is welcoming the cooler weather. This signifies that October, the best month of the year, has arrived. Those that disagree may want to continue reading. Now that cool weather is upon us, we’re finally back in the swing of things along with the start of school sessions, and perhaps because it’s Halloween, let’s celebrate with October jokes.
In the Julian and Gregorian calendars, October is the tenth month of the year and the sixth of seven months with a length of 31 days. It gets its name from the Latin word for “eight,” octo. When the Romans switched to a 12-month calendar, they attempted to rename October after numerous Roman emperors, but the name October persisted. Now that you have learned something about this month, let’s read some of the best puns and one-liners.
Funny October Jokes
What do you say when it’s the end of the month?
Did you hear about the boy who always carries a stone with him that he used to throw at people who play Christmas music in October?
He calls it his Jingle Bell Rock.
What is the leading cause of Cancers?
Having sex in October.
What was Humpty Dumpty’s favorite month?
October because he had a great fall.
Did you know October is Eczema Awareness Month?
Yes, they are raising money by selling scratch cards.
Why is October 10th such a great day?
Why do some people love October?
They fall for it every year.
What do Jack-o-lanterns do in October?
Go bungee gourd jumping.
Recommended: Jack-O-Lantern Jokes
Did you know October is also Domestic Abuse Awareness month?
Time to make your significant other aware.
A 10-year-old kid always asked his father for ice water with his meals. The past few weeks he told his father to put exactly eight ice cubes in his glass. The dad went with it because his son can be very particular about certain things, and he just figured that his kid had decided it was the perfect amount of ice.
One day, the kid again asked him for water with eight ice cubes, but as the father was getting it the kid said, “I bet you’re glad that in two days, I’ll stop asking for eight ice cubes.” To which the father asked, “Why not?” And the kid said, “Because it won’t be Octo-brrrrrrrrr anymore!”
What is a clinical trial done in October called?
A trick or treatment.
Do you need a date for Halloween?
Why do most weddings take place between April and October?
Because in the winter, grooms often get cold feet.
There had been no snow during the entire month of November, and there didn’t appear to be coming any snow any time soon, either. The elves in the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and there was the possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in a pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was very mad over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the oven. Santa had tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no snow, they weren’t able to make it by sleigh to the workshop.
Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn’t light up. Comet and Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat. Blitzen’s right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that they would have to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would be able to pull the sleigh.
The electricity had been shaky, and all the power tools had came to a stop several times. Nothing was going right. The helpers were about two weeks behind schedule, and it didn’t look like all the toys would be ready by Christmas Eve. Santa’s foul mood was exacerbated by a bad case of hemorrhoids, and he wasn’t too happy about the possibility of having to ride so far on Christmas Eve. It didn’t help that he had gained weight in the past year and that his favorite pair of pants had split.
Seeing the terrible state of affairs at the North Pole, the angels took up an offering to buy a gift for the Clauses – something that would brighten their Christmas. They chose a Christmas tree, and they sent an angel down to deliver it. Just as Santa had squeezed himself into the last pair of clean pants, uncomfortable though they were, the angel knocked on his front door. Santa threw the door open. Outside was a chirping little angel. “Hey, Santa! Where do you want me to put this tree?”
Why you don’t want to be walking through Chinatown on October 31st?
It’s very harrowing.
Recommended: October Memes
Did you guys know that according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turn into the frightochondria?
And becomes the haunted house of the cell.
How do you greet October 31st?
Did you hear about the drug lab that caught on fire during October?
It was a crack-o’l atern.
It was October, and the tribe on a faraway reserve asked their new Chief whether the approaching winter would be cold or mild.
He had never been taught the old secrets because he was a Chief in modern culture.
He couldn’t tell what the winter would be like by looking at the sky.
To be on the safe side, he informed his tribe that the winter would be cold and that the inhabitants of the hamlet should gather fuel to prepare.
But, being a practical leader, he had an idea after a few days. He went to the phone booth, dialed the National Weather Service, and said, “Will the upcoming winter be cold?”
“It appears that this winter will be rather cold,” said the weather service’s expert.
So the Chief returned to his people and instructed them to gather even more firewood in order to be ready.
He called the National Weather Service again a week later. “Does it still appear that it will be a really cold winter?”
“Yes,” said the man from the National Weather Service, “it’s going to be a very chilly winter.”
The Chief returned to his people and instructed them to gather whatever piece of firewood they could find.
The Chief contacted the National Weather Service again two weeks later. “Are you certain that the winter will be quite cold?”
“Certainly,” the man said. “It’s looking like this will be one of the coldest winters on record.”
“How can you be so certain?” the Chief inquired.
“We’re confident it’ll be cold since the tribal communities are accumulating firewood like crazy!” said the weatherman.
Do you know why the local vampire club is always recruiting in October?
They are looking for new blood.
What game do witches play in October?
Hide and ghost seek.
What is the best thing about October?
All the cobwebs and dust in your house just become Halloween decorations.
What do Jews celebrate on October 31st?
What do you call a zombie that doesn’t joke around in October?
What does candy do when you tell it an October joke?
Just in time For October.
Which monsters hibernate after October?
Why was the devil exercising so hard in October?
He wanted to get a 666 pack for Halloween.
Did you hear about the dyslexic guy that sold his soul to Satan in October?
He is now forced to make Christmas presents in the North Pole for all eternity.
A little girl ran up to her father, shouting, “Daddy! Daddy!” “Can you guess how old I’ll be in October?” The father laughed, “Oh, I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?”
She gave him a huge smile and held up four fingers.
It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she still won’t say where she got them.
Why does Alabama love the month of October?
Because they get to pumpkin.
Why did Avogadro stop going to the chiropractor on October 24?
He was only tense to the 23rd.
Why does Frankenstein love October?
He fits right in.
Recommended: Autumn Jokes
Why did Dracula go to the Doctor in October?
He had a breathing problem because of his coffin.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“Ah, October! Almost time for Halloween. This season reminds me of how I met my wife. I went to a costume party and saw her across the room. Standing there all thin and tall and gorgeous next to her fat friend. They’d come to the party together dressed as the number ten,” he tells the bartender.
“That’s when I knew, she was the one.”
Do you know that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren’t the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months?
Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed!
Why should you remove the filling of a hot dog at a cookout in October?
So you can serve hollow-weiners.
Why is your firearm so excited for October?
Because it’s a semi autumn addict.
31st of October: “Hello children outside my house, want some sweets?” Perfectly acceptable.
1st of November: “Hello children outside my house, want some sweets?” Strangely unacceptable and will get you put on a list.
Why do truckers like October 4th the best?
Because 10-4 good buddy!
Recommended: November Jokes
What did the tree say to its leaves in October?
Please don’t leaf me.
How did Frankenstein get around town in October?
He drove a monster truck.
One October evening, a nun was traveling down the road when she observed a hitchhiker. The nun made the decision to give him a lift.
After some time has passed, the man (hitchhiker) says, “Sister, I know you would be offended, but I find you quite attractive and would like to have sexual relations with you. I’m not married, so I don’t transgress as much.”
“I will have anal with you,” the nun replies reluctantly, “so it is not completely a sin.” So they pull over, get the job done, and get back in the car.
“Sister, I truly enjoyed that, but I have a confession; I’m married and have four children,” the man replies.
Appalled, the nun replies, “I have a confession too. My name is Chris, and I’m on my way to a costume party.”
What do you call a porno made in October?
A whorror movie!
Recommended: September Jokes
What did Nike say in October?
What do you call a bad breakup in the month of October?
Guess you could say it was a bad Fall from Grace.
Why do programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
Did anybody wake Green Day up?
Because September ended.
How many types of people are there in October?
Two, people who love chocolate and liars.
What road did Satan take on his road trip in October?
Who was the first cat to discover America?
Recommended: Columbus Day Jokes
On the 31st of October, a group of friends was playing with an Ouija board in the attic of one of their houses. They lit 4 candles around the board and placed their hands on the planchet.
One of them asks, “Oh spirit of the board, how will I die?” Silence followed.
Another asks, “Oh spirit of the board, what is my future?” Silence followed again.
Another asks, “Oh spirit of the board, are you there?” Suddenly all 4 candles blow out at the same time and the planchet starts to move at an alarming rate.
“S…O…R…R…Y…The spirit of the ouija board is on Halloween break, please try again tomorrow, Thank you.”
What do burn victims celebrate on October 31st?
What is the longest name in the world?
JASON, it takes 5 months to spell it. (July, August, September, October, November)
Recommended: September 30th vs. October 1st Memes
Who is the No.1 Super Villain for October?
Doc Ock from Spiderman.
Which month is a Rock Stars favorite?
How do young fish get to school in October?
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes in October?
It’s mole-itically incorrect.
Why did Avogadro stop going to a chiropractor on October 24th?
He was only tense to the 23rd!
What element do moles love to study in chemistry?
Recommended: Mole Day Jokes
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?
What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?
Who did the pumpkin run away from?
Cinderella’s Fairy Gourd-mother!
Have a better October joke? Post your funny puns and one-liners below! If you want to read more spooky jokes head over to Halloween Jokes.